The Name Of The Store Is ALDI

The band Talking Heads once released an album called The Name Of This Band Is Talking Heads perhaps to silence those fans who kept calling the band "The Talking Heads".  Apparently, the band disliked having "The" attached to their name.  The Beatles, of course, felt differently and always included the "The".  Then there's the band just called The The.

And then there's the grocery store called ALDI, which everyone almost always calls "ALDIS" or "ALDI'S" (we'll get to the spelling issue in a moment).

I've always found this little linguistic phenomenon fascinating.  I suppose that many people are used to shopping at a grocery store which has an "s" at the end.  Say, Ralphs or Albertsons, or, closer to me, Heinen's.  As a result, perhaps they apply the "s" to the name of any grocery.

This theory would make sense except that no one calls Giant Eagle "Giant Eagles" (well, no one I know of anyway; someone somewhere probably does), so perhaps the grocery also has to have a one word name (say, Joe) and seem like a name that should take a possessive (with the hypothetical example producing Joe's, short for Joe's Grocery--not Trader Joe's, a store ALDI is connected to).

Thus, ALDI ends up getting called "ALDI'S".

I've never met anyone named Aldi though.  According to The New York Times, the name came about from "Albrecht Discount," with Albrecht being the surname of the brothers who started the store in Germany, so part of ALDI is a name, so making the store name possessive isn't completely wrong in that sense.

Perhaps Language Log will do a post on this someday.  I'm surprised they haven't already, but maybe they're paid better than I am and don't shop at ALDI.

I still haven't figured out the capital letters, but I suspect that's just a corporate affectation.  So far, the store hasn't weighed in on the "s" being added to its name, so unlike Talking Heads, it apparently doesn't care what you call it as long as you shop there.

Dollar Cat Days

Well, we might be approaching the dog days of summer rapidly where not only will you sweat so much that you want to bark, but also you can get a dollar hot dog at the ballpark occasionally, but the Cleveland, Ohio USA Animal Protective League is holding dollar cat days instead.  That's right, you get a kitty for a dollar!  I got my cat at the APL.  I picked her because she stuck her paw out of the cage and grabbed my attention.  Here's a picture of her the first day I got her:

She's about twice this size now, but bourgeois cat life, instead of digging from garbage cans on the street, will do that.  Spending a dollar on a cat is a good deal.  The cat will pay dividends in covering your every piece of clothing with cat hair, purring, leaving deposits in the litter box for you to clean every day, meowing, constantly standing on whatever you're working on, lapwarming, scratching up your furniture, and, of course, loving.  In fact, here she comes now to remind me that her food dish is empty.  That dollar you'll spend at the APL will be the first of many!  However, what you get back is priceless!  Some people think that cats are aloof, so maybe it depends on the cat, but it's hard for me to imagine a better buddy than my Antigone.*

*OK, maybe one that doesn't chow down her food so fast that she pukes a minute later.**

**Fortunately, she eats it all again, so I don't have to clean it up.***

***Until she pukes again.

I Wish The Lady Down The Street Would Stop Feeding The Stray Cats; They're Getting Kind Of Large

Will Vowel-Americans Still Support The President?

In 2008, Vowel-Americans overwhelmingly voted for Barack Obama for president of the USA.  They were delighted by his victory, ending an over two-century dominance of Consonant-Americans in the presidency.  Yes, no longer would Vowel-Americans have their needs ignored by presidents whose last names had perhaps one vowel in them such as Polk, Taft, Ford, Bush, or, worst of all, Grant (four consonants to one vowel).

True, there were brief flourishings where vowels stood in equality to consonants in presidents such as Monroe, Pierce, Coolidge, Hoover, Eisenhower, and Reagan, but not until Obama did vowels outnumber consonants in a president's last name.

However, the euphoria of Vowel-Americans did not last long after Obama's election.  Aaron Aeiou, the president of Voters Open Wide Epiglottis Lips (VOWEL), a Vowel-American political action committee, says, "In hindsight, we should have viewed the selection of [Joe] Biden for VP as a bad sign.  I mean he could have selected Tim Kaine."  And, instead of appointing more Vowel-Americans to high cabinet posts, Obama appointed essentially the same old crowd of Consonant-Americans with names such as Clinton, Holder, Vilsack, Bryson, and Duncan.

The White House has argued that selections such as LaHood, Napolitano, and Sebelius demonstrate the president's commitments to the Vowel-American cause, but Aeiou points out that even the previous president, Bush, appointed cabinet members such as Chao, Mineta, Rice, and, best of all, Paige and Peake.  "All in all, I have to admit that Bush had a better record of appointing Vowel-Americans to his Cabinet.  Obama has been a disappointment," Aeiou sighed.

Asked whether he would support Obama for a second term in 2012, Aeiou wasn't sure, "Romney might not be that bad.  I mean 'y' is sometimes a vowel."

My Apologies To The Tigers Of Indonesia

I was once asked if I bought my toilet paper from military overstock from the Guantanamo Bay torture restrooms.

And while this is a vicious and untrue rumor, I must admit that yes, I don't spend a lot of money on products designed to be scrubbed with fecal matter and then thrown away.

The same goes for paper towels.  Thus, I was delighted to become acquainted with Paseo at the local Marc's.

Unfortunately, about a week later, my mom pointed out that the World Wildlife Fund was boycotting Paseo since they were made from paper from a rain forest in Indonesia that was a habitat for an endangered species of tiger and other creatures.  The campaign, Don't Flush Tiger Forests, has been fairly successful in getting grocery chains to drop the brand and in getting the company that produces Paseo, Oasis Brands, to get their paper elsewhere.  "What kind of jerk would put saving money above saving tigers?" Mom asked.

I treated it as a rhetorical question and didn't answer.

Nevertheless, I have eight rolls of tiger guilt in my cupboard.  I suppose I could return them to Marc's.  "I don't want to kill tigers," probably wouldn't be the strangest reason the customer service desk ever heard for a return.  That still seems like passing the buck though.  The paper's made already.  I might as well use it.  I just won't buy Paseo again (I probably can't--it looks as if Oasis is just going to phase out that name).  So, my apologies to the tigers of Indonesia.  It's nothing personal.  I'm just cheap.

Please don't eat me.   

Donnie Iris Says, "Keep Rocking!"

Thanks, Donnie!  I was just about to stop (as the sign in the photo commands), but your encouragement has given me the strength to carry on.  Maybe I'll even write some new songs.  None will probably be as good as "Love Is Like A Rock" though.

Zygote In My Fez Book

After the Zygote In My Fez shindig in Toledo, Ohio USA last year, Michele McDannold wanted to put together a zine commemorating the event.  It looks like the zine has morphed into a book.  I believe I sent her a short story called "Thank Heavens . . .", but I'm not even entirely sure.  I guess I'll find out when I read the book after it comes out later this summer.  It looks like it'll be a fun read!