Sunday, October 14, 2018

2018 Ohio Race For Governor

What a pleasure it was a couple of weeks ago to drive to Pennsylvania and see a welcome sign that just had the usual stupid state tourism slogan ("pursue your happiness" or some similar nonsense) and didn't provide free advertising for politicians.  This spring, when Ohio takes down the current governor/lieutenant governor highway overlay signs, we shall see if they get replaced by new signs with the names of the new officeholders on them.  Odds are, they probably will, for the vanity of politicians holds few limits.  I did seek out the candidates on Facebook to see where they stood on this small but easy issue.  Most ignored me, of course, but the Libertarian candidate said that he also thought it was a stupid waste of taxpayer money and was against it.  So, here's a shoutout to Travis Irvine for taking the right stance.  I was a little surprised the Greens didn't go anti governor's name on the welcome sign, as they did last election, but maybe they are just too disorganized this time to respond.  The Democrats ignored me, which was no different from their stance in the primary election.  At least, I could message them though.  For the Republicans, I was reduced to just posting a comment on one of their posts.  If this is any indication of how they will govern, then we can look forward to being ignored.  Unless, of course, we're a big campaign donor.  Politicians . . . sigh.

Wednesday, October 10, 2018

New Song!: "Rubber Ducks"

This one is about how things that are really popular can be sometimes forgotten. Today, not many kids would know who Hopalong Cassidy is, but in the 1950s, millions of lunchboxes featuring him were sold, and he was arguably the most famous fictional American for a time. Ditto for Deanna Durbin. Today, mainly only hardcore Hollywood history buffs know her name. Tack is more obscure. He was a popular local wrestler, and I wondered what happened to him. The rubber ducks are even more obscure and only popular in a single household (other rubber ducks are similarly popular in their own respective households). Whether it's Donald Trump or an ex-lover, cheer up, odds are that he, she, or it will ultimately be more or less forgotten as time moves on. Some phenomena defies this entropy to forgetfulness such as Shakespeare or Marilyn Monroe but not much. The weird sound on here is the toy xylophone. You can check out the MP3 here. Really, this stuff is much more fun and cheaper than therapy. The lyrics are below. It's the same deal as always. If you like a song, then feel free to cover it if you're in a band or whatnot. I love to hear covers of my songs, so please let me know about your version. If you start making money, then send me a check/we can work out a deal. Similarly, if you want to use a song for your Youtube video or whatnot, then just let me know. It's usually fine by me unless it's a commercial product or whatnot (and then it's likely fine as well--I just want my cut). Find out first though. Write me at wredfright ATATAT yahoo DOTT com.

The Hopalong Cassidy lunchbox has long since rusted away.
And the kid who carried it? His every hair has turned gray.

Even once popular things can get forgotten.
I hope someday to forget about you.

The Deanna Durbin fan club once numbered over a million strong.
Today, almost no one remembers her, so few are left to sing along.
"Pain is temporary, but Tack is forever" was his professional wrestling motto.
Today, at his corporate job, no one cheers, and he dreams of winning the lotto.

My little boy doesn't want his rubber ducks anymore with him in the bath.
They sit nice and dry in the closet as he takes a shower on his grown-up path.

Written October 2018
Recorded October 2018

Tuesday, October 2, 2018

"Martha Stewart's Guide To The Nuclear Apocalypse"

I’m having so much fun these days, but I know the news can turn grim, so I want to show you that no matter how bad it can get, you can still have a stunning home. That should ease some of your minds. With the wonderful products from my growing collections, even a fallout shelter can be pretty. I will demonstrate how each one works, and how it can make your day-to-day lives easier even when it is time to duck and cover from an impending nuclear attack.

This week, I spent an entire day in an undisclosed friend's private fallout shelter. I can't tell you whom he is, but you do see him on tv a lot these days, which reminds me that I will showcasing my new nuclear war collection on QVC this Wednesday. Our series of segments begins at two minutes to midnight and continues throughout the day, just like a missile barrage, until my last appearance at 11pm ET. or the American communications system is disrupted by an electromagnetic pulse. I can tell you if that happens, then I plan on being well-stocked up with my latest book, “Martha’s Flowers, A Practical Guide to Growing, Gathering and Enjoying”, so I, the hosts, crew, and studio audience won't be bored and will be ready to go when nuclear winter turns to nuclear spring. I can't wait to see what the radioactivity does to mutate my garden! I also plan on sharing more items from my apparel line--gasmasks, long sleeved shirts to guard against fallout on the skin, and my cheeky glow-in-the-dark t-shirts with inspirational slogans such as "Make America Glow Again!" on them. I am perhaps most proud of the stylish sneakers that anchor the line. With these on, you will easily be able to sprint to the nearest building and take shelter inside to wait out the fallout.

And that's a great place to start, with my Martha Stewart Fallout Shelter doors. I love them! An attractive yellow and black design modeled on the iconic Department of Defense fallout shelter, these inch thick doors should guard not only against the initial shock wave of the detonation, but also efforts by desperate neighbors to pry their way inside. They won't be able to hear you through the doors, but if they could, you could tell them the coupon code for a 10% discount on MarthaStewart.Com, so they will be better prepared the next time the bomb brings the neighborhood together.

Meanwhile, inside the shelter, you will be having a delightful time, with my Martha Stewart Emergency Generator, because you won't be able to count on the electrical grid and other utilities not being disrupted by the intense firestorms that will break out after the initial bomb blast. My solar panels will soak up any sunlight that gets through the atmosphere of dirt, ash, and dust created by the explosion and subsequent fires. And, when it is safe to go back outside, you can clean your house with my Martha Stewart Pressure Washer. An intense jet, paired with the detergent used in the on-board tank, blasts away grime to help preserve all that you want to clean. You'll feel as if you are nuking the dirt away yourself!

Of course, before that, you'll be inside for a long time waiting out the fallout, and you will inevitably get the munchies after the initial adrenaline-filled terror subsides, so I have brought out my new canned food line. Based on the military's MRES, which stands for Meal Ready-To-Eat, mine are MRS, which stands for Martha's Ready-To-Snack. They are guaranteed to last at least a decade, so you can stock up ahead of time in case nuclear winter kills all the vegetation in your garden and no fresh food is available for years. While you are waiting for the plants to grow again, assuming you don't perish of radiation poisoning in the meantime, you can utilize my new book, a wonderful resource for learning how and when to plant, nurture, and, at the perfect time, cut from the garden. I also shouldn't forget to mention the Martha Stewart Electric 2-in-1 Edger and Trencher tools. Not only does it create a clean line along flower beds, walkways, and borders, and cut a crisp trench with a three-position depth adjustment, but you can also use it as a weapon to defend against any looters, invading armies, or radioactive mutants who might attack you once you leave the fallout shelter.

And it comes in the same great colors as all the gardening products in my collection: black, slate, and a pretty mint color!

I hope you never have to experience a nuclear attack, but if you do, then these great products from the Martha Stewart collection will make it more bearable. And, best of all, I just signed a deal to manufacture and sell these items in North Korea, so, if my influence grows there, then, someday, even the missiles bearing the nuclear warheads might be more stylish!

Wednesday, September 26, 2018

What Wred's Reading: Close Up Magic

I stumbled across this gem while doing some maintenance on the blog.  The author, Eddie Willson, and I had exchanged zines or whatnot at some point, and I had really enjoyed reading his novel The Black Car Leaving.  He had that novel online for a long time, but it seems to have disappeared as of late.  Fortunately, you can still find Close Up Magic, Eddie's short story collection, available as an ebook.  I've enjoyed reading a story a day.  His subject matter tends to be life in modern England usually from a working class intellectual perspective.  Plenty of heartbreak and humor within, all told well in Eddie's usual shorthand, charming style.

Sunday, September 16, 2018

NOIFF 2018!

My buddy Mark Justice is showing some of his films at the 2nd Annual Northern Ohio Indie Film Festival, which is being held on October 13, 2018 in Lorain, Ohio USA. I don't know which of his films are showing, but I am in all three of them, so you can catch me on the big screen there one way or another. Unfortunately, that's the only place you'll catch me because I can't make the event. I hope to catch it next year, however!

Monday, September 10, 2018

"Big Daddy Pane (Take 2)" by Yeast?

This is the second take of "Big Daddy Pane" from the Slippery Rock University tv show in 1994 that Yeast? played.  They get fancy with the camerawork in this one, and the take is a bit better in that we start together and I don't pull off the microphone too many times while singing.  This was one of the four tracks from the Dick Bennett 7".  We recorded the record right after our other guitarist Chris quit--he was actually supposed to be at the recording session, but he never showed up--and before our new guitarist Drew joined, and we were still in power trio mode at the time of the tv taping.  The song was inspired by Dave and I meeting a guy named Kevin at Mama Joe's in Kent, Ohio USA.  Mama Joe's was a pizza place that used to let the local hardcore bands play in the basement.  They stopped soon after one of the bands wrecked the basement.  I was there for that show, and that band--I don't remember the name now, something Youth?--started punching the crowd and then wrecking their own equipment.  After they wrecked their own equipment, they proceeded to destroy the basement of the venue.  Most of the crowd fled.  Dave and I would peep our heads around the corner of the staircase only to have to duck when a projectile flew past us.  Finally, one of the pizza workers came downstairs and discovered the chaos and called the police and that was the end of the show, and of shows in general there if I remember correctly.

It remains the most nihilistic performance that I have ever seen.  I don't know what the band thought they were doing.  Out G.G. Allining G.G. Allin?  In any case, in the midst of all that insanity, this guy named Kevin entertained Dave and us with a story of how he just got out of jail.  From what I recall, the song basically does recount Kevin's story.  He stabbed a hippie.  He drove the hippie to the hospital.  He went to jail.  His mom sent him cigarettes.  He was afraid of being anally raped.  He also was quite generous and did just keep offering us cigarettes and beer.  I don't know whatever became of Kevin, but I hope he stayed out of jail.  I hope the same for all of us.

Tuesday, September 4, 2018

Yeast? TV Interview

This is the interview segment from The Hart Rock Cafe show that Yeast? appeared on in early 1994.  I don't recall why I end up being the only one interviewed.  It could have been that Damon and Dave just didn't want to, or that the show's producer only wanted one of us to talk, or that there simply weren't enough seats.  In any case, I got to do the talking.  I am happy that I was reasonably articulate and answered the host's questions.