Sunday, July 22, 2018

Thanks For The Reading!

Thanks to everyone who came out for last night's reading!  It was a lot of fun!  It, so far, is the only one that I have given for Frequently Asked Questions About Being Dead, which, if you missed the reading, you can still purchase at Mac's Backs.  It currently is the only bookstore on Earth where you can just stroll in and buy a physical copy.

Sunday, July 15, 2018

The Escaped Fetal Pigs - "Fluff Chicks In My Soup" - Live At Firelands

This video is another song from the Firelands campus performance of The Escaped Fetal Pigs.  We played this Bowling Green State University branch campus for a midday concert for the students.  This is either from 1990 or 1991, but whenever it was, the women were still using massive amounts of hair spray for those quintessential 1980s hairdos, and the 1990s were proving a bit more environmentally conscious, so this song ridicules people whose personal vanity ranks higher than preserving the environment.  We were probably also mad that the fluff chicks wouldn't date us, though I'm not sure any of us would have dated them anyway, so maybe not.  This performance is notable for me getting my exercise by running laps around the auditorium between the verse and chorus.  I was sick that day, so I must have been feeling better during this song.  Thank you, fluff chicks, or, maybe, soup!

Tuesday, July 10, 2018

The Escaped Fetal Pigs - "Simon On Acid" - Live At Firelands

The Escaped Fetal Pigs did some crazy things, and this video shows one of them.  We booked three shows in one day, and this was the morning one.  It was a branch campus of Bowling Green State University called Firelands and we were playing at like 11 a.m. or lunchtime for the students.  Then we played a tv show in the afternoon, and then a bar or something in Bowling Green, Ohio USA that night. This was in the spring of 1991, I think, but it could have been the fall of 1990. I do not remember.

It was a pretty tiring day.  On top of that, I think I was sick and Mark the guitarist kept getting shocked by the microphone because something wasn't grounded.  On the bright side, we did have fun exploring the props of the college theater department as you can tell from the hats we are wearing during the show.  I also like how the camera operator got into the spirit of "Simon On Acid" with the camerawork.  You can read more about that song here.

I liked a couple more of the performances from this show, so I'll be posting those in the coming weeks as well.

Monday, July 2, 2018

Satan Tortilla - "Satan Tortilla"


This was my one gig with Satan Tortilla, and it was the band's first gig. It was at The Good Tymes Pub in Bowling Green, Ohio USA on June 18, 1991 and was a fun show. I was living with Simon, the drummer of The Escaped Fetal Pigs, that summer, and we had some free time, so we joined a band our buddy Kramer was putting together. He played bass and got a couple of other local eccentrics to join in. Jose (I don't remember the name exactly, so that may be incorrect) was a really good guitar player, which was good because I was still learning to play, and Steve was a Bowling Green State University English instructor whose role in the band was to smash stuff for additional percussion.

It was a very weird band.

Underneath the distortion and effects that Kramer loved and which made us distinctive from other punk and psychedelic rock bands in town (you know aside from having a guy in a hockey mask and overalls chop up guitars) was a pretty good garage rock band. This song was our theme song. The lyrics went something like "Satan Tortilla. It's going to eat ya." It was my favorite of the tunes. You can see it here complete with flying tortillas being flung at the audience and being flung back (watch for Billy from Madhatter Music's amazing catch and rethrow of one). The video also includes some spoken word thing about the 1960s and the start of another tune. I was only in the band briefly. I went back to Pennsylvania for the rest of the summer, and the band continued on without me. I think Simon kept playing with them. Either I was too busy in the fall when I returned to rejoin, or I had already been replaced. I don't remember. The band later put out a couple 7" records, but this video is all that remains to document my tenure in the band.

I think I still have that shirt somewhere.  I miss those shoes, Vision Street Wear if I remember correctly.  If anyone knows where to find a new pair, get in touch.

Tuesday, June 26, 2018

New Short Story!

New Pop Lit will be publishing a new short story of mine called "Yelp In Reverse" soon.  I will let you know when it's up.

Sunday, June 24, 2018

New Thirsty Bear & Hungry Snake!

Every once in a while, I get some spare time combined with a desire to do a photocomic starring a stuffed bear and a sock puppet snake.  Recently, that happened.  The result is below:

Tuesday, June 12, 2018

The Fake News Gazette

The Trump News Gazette*

Publishing All The News Donald Trump Likes Since 1783**

Today, the greatest President ever*** announced his new initiative to end all problems in America. Typically, the fake news media did not cover this announcement, focusing instead of some tawdry, unimportant scandal****. Yet, the news was huge. Called "Keep America From Becoming a Shithole," the new initiative takes all the money from the U.S Treasury and loans it to Trump, Inc. to finance an array of daring projects.***** The President touted just a project or two, and, by the way, if you'll pardon this aside from your humble correspondent, the President's hair looked AWESOME! But back to the content, for example, the Ohio Turnpike will now be named The Trump Turnpike. "I like the ring of that," the President said, "Kasich couldn't get the job done when he tried to sell the turnpike, but I get things done."

The audience was puzzled by the mention of Kasich, then Sarah Huckabee Sanders ran to the podium and explained to the audience that he was the governor of Ohio. "Forget him!" the President said, "I mean forget him again. You already forgot him. Sad! I also have some huge news. As you know I have asked for the resignation of my current Secretary of War."

Huckabee Sanders whispered something in the President's ear.

"Oh, yes," the President continued, "Defense. Defense. Like football. All right, folks, let's not get me started on the NFL. Shameful. Sad! Anyway, I think the best defense is a good offense, so I was very, very disappointed that the current Secretary of War, I mean Defense, hadn't started any wars. I mean, he's been in office for a year. And not a single war. I mean I'm not going to be like Obama and just be content to continue the wars of other presidents. I want one of my own. I want the history books to note a Trump Doctrine like that, you know, Madison Doctrine or whatever. So I am appointing Bobby Lashley as my new Secretary of Defense. Folks, he's tremendous. I worked with Bobby when I did some wrestling with my great friend Vince McMahon in his WWF. Bobby's also black, so to all those people who say I am racist, look who I am appointing as Secretary of War. He's going to do a tremendous job, folks. And to further prove I'm not racist, I'm going to ask Bobby to start in a white country, maybe Norway, for his first war."

"Come out, Bobby," the President called, and Bobby bounced onto the stage and posed shirtless, flexing his muscles for the crowd, "No, we'll start off with something easy like Iceland. Maybe you should have put in that Trump golf course, folks. The geysers would have been awesome if we made them water hazards. But, seriously, folks, Iceland's a terrific country. It's going to make a great state someday after we take it over."'

The audience applauded the President's brilliance. Bobby Lashley bodyslammed the one member of the audience who didn't applaud.******

*Formerly The Fake News Gazette

**Correction, since 2018

***Correction, the current President, not the greatest President, which is a title historians argue about.

****The current impeachment of the President trial going on in the Senate

*****Ideas left over from the Obama Administration that the Republican Congress would not fund.

 ******He later apologized to the man who it turned out was a double amputee who didn't have hands. The President invited the man to dinner and asked everyone there to give him a hand for attending. Then, noticing his unintended pun, he noted that everyone with hands should start their own "#MeToo" movement on Twitter since people without hands had real problems unlike those whiny feminists. The President further noted that the double amputee would be liked very well by those feminists since he couldn't grab anyone by the pussy. At this comment, Huckabee Sanders rose and slipped out the side door and went and had several Irish Car Bombs at a bar with Sean Spicer and your humble correspondent, who had also left earlier to start drinking heavily to write this article.