drinkdrankdrunk: "I Met Red Green" by Pat Simonelli

  

Our next star was huge in Canuckistan.  And don't worry, eh, he was actually very funny.  I met Red Green when I was living in Georgetown, Illinois--went and bought his book in Champaign.  The bookseller was nice.  She seemed happy that a star like Green would come to a book signing in her store which is why I was there.

I was a fan of his show before I used to watch it online if not on tv which I didn't have.  He was so funny, the type of guy who makes you laugh just looking at him, and I mean that in a positive way, not an insult kind of way.  His name is even funny, the stop and go contrast.

There also was a nerdy guy on his show who used to crack me up.  Canadian humor was a big thing, chalk it up with moose hunting or whatever they do there.

Green was an old raspy voiced guy.  I thought the rasp was part of his act, but no, apparently it was the real thing.

On the day in question I got there well ahead of the expected hour for the author to arrive, so I browsed around the bookstore like the nerd that I am.  I've since lost the book many moves ago, and I can't remember what it was called, but that's why we have the Internet.

I do recall that the book was printed on cheap paper.  I guess they don't have enough trees in Canada!

Paper aside, it's something I would have kept as the man I consider a comic genius signed it to me.  I also would have taken a photo with him if meeting him wasn't stress enough.  Coulda woulda shoulda.

Finally, he came and signed it to me.  I admitted I was a big fan of his show and watched it all the time . . . weekly, I think.

Afterwards I got on the highway and kept on living my life in Georgetown.  But that's the time I met him, and I'm glad I did.

I've had to put up with that Tool Time, uh, tool on my primetime tv, but Green was actually funny!

Pat Simonelli is a writer for Literary Vision Press.  Temp address as of September 2026 = 128 Osborne St., #403, Danbury CT 06810 USA.  We are happy to get the former Webmaster of The Underground Literary Alliance back online!

Ohio Gubernatorial Race Update

Hooray!  Nothing like a governor's race for a good time, eh?  Well, we're past the primaries in Ohio and nothing surprising happened.  For the Democrats, it'll be Amy Acton.  For the Republicans, it'll be Vivek Ramaswamy.  For the Libertarians, it'll be Don Kissick.  There's also a write-in independent candidate, Tim Grady.  With luck, the winner will end the practice of wasting taxpayer money to make metal signs and pay DOT workers to hang up the signs on the welcome to Ohio highway signs (if you need to catch up on this saga to end some political vanity, then please click here).

During the primaries I reached out to all the candidates to see where they stood on this small but easy issue to fix and heard crickets.  Fortunately, I have better news to report now that we're in the general election period, but first, let's wrap up the primaries.  Neither the Democratic or Libertarian primaries were competitive (though the Libertarian one had a write-in challenger), which lets you know that our democracy is not terribly healthy.  Politics is so toxic currently that it must be hard to get someone to run for elected office.  Maybe the ones that still do are just crazy, which might explain a lot about our society.  Anyway, the Republican primary was technically competitive, but Ramaswamy won handily.  Heather Hill was disqualified when she engaged in a public fight with her lieutenant governor running mate and he quit (one needs two willing candidates to form a ticket).  Undeterred, she's back as a write-in candidate with a new running mate, running I guess as an independent this time.  Casey Putsch, the opposing candidate who stayed on the ballot, also had his share of controversy, and seems to be sitting out the general election, though his website was still active until recently, so perhaps he was thinking 2030 before he pulled the plug.

For the general election, I followed up with the candidates to get the issue on their proverbial radar screens.  I heard back from two of them.  Hill thinks it's a "huge cost for the state" and she's going to look into it since "we need to save money wherever we can."  The Kissick campaign was even more enthusiastic about the idea with campaign manager Steve Perkins telling me that the names on the highway signs "kind of irks us as well."  As a result, I ordered a Kissick/Mills yard sign (you can see it in the picture still shrinkwrapped as it first arrived).  Unfortunately, the candidates who got back to me have the proverbial uphill battle, but at least the idea is kicking around and maybe someday we'll get rid of the silly waste of money political vanity of sticking governors' names (and mayors' as well) off welcome road signs.

As for the governor's race, this year the Democrats actually have a chance due to Trump's unpopularity.  Unfortunately, they maybe picked the one candidate who, in a year when almost any generic Democrat could win, might be so distasteful (basically, Ohio's Fauci) that the Republicans might continue their one-party rule in the state.  We'll see.  So far, the Republicans seem to think they're still running in a Republican primary and trying to smear Acton as a communist when they're not portraying her as a drunk and thinking that'll be effective.  Attacking her as Ohio's Fauci and playing up her nanny state tendencies is probably the smarter strategy, but Ohio Republicans have never exactly been smart.  The Democratic strategy of attacking Ramaswamy as a clueless billionaire is clever and might actually work even with Acton as the candidate.  Regardless of who wins, Ohio will have a different type of governor, either a woman or a guy with dark skin, so it will be interesting.  I just hope whoever wins takes down the current overlay signs and doesn't put up new ones, but that's a lot to hope for.

If you want to help and you live in Ohio, then please write your state representative or state senator (or both!) and ask to legislatively end this practice.  It's a small matter, but that's why it should be easy to fix.  Ask them to stuff it in the next "chicken bill" at the end of this legislative session.

If you find politics all too disgusting, then you might enjoy Fast Guy Slows Down, where the main character enjoys pooping on world leaders, which admittedly is kind of disgusting as well, but at least it's a change from them figuratively pooping on you as usual.

Come Hang Out In A Bookstore With Me!

  

OK, maybe we'd have more fun in a bar since we could imbibe alcohol, but I'm not scheduled to be in a bar anytime soon.  I am scheduled to be at Roxy's Emporium in Elyria, Ohio USA on Wednesday, September 16th from 1:30 to 3:30 p.m.  Roxy's is located at 374 Broad Street, and to celebrate the shop anniversary, the proprietor, Deb, has lined up a number of local writers to hang out at the shop all week.  I'll try to bring some freebie stuff and, of course, Roxy's has my novels for sale and I will be happy to sign copies if you buy them.  Their Facebook page seems to be more updated than their website if you need more deets, though so far I don't see a schedule of the other writers.  Maybe I am the only one showing up?  Oh, well, I'll be there if I don't get hit by a bread delivery truck or something on the way.

If you can't make it to Roxy's, then order a novel online.  You can read about them using the links on the Wred Fright Library. 

New Single: These Times Will Pass

wredfright · These Times Will Pass

Bad times aren't anything new, but if you survive them, they pass and before you know it you're in The Good Tymes Pub having a beer and listening to a song such as this one.  It's just me on vocals, guitar, drums, and keyboard here if I remember correctly.  Lyrics are below:

I see you're having a rough day.
Making it worse will not pay.
You want the bad times to go away.
Bring the good times here to stay.

These times will pass.

So here's what we're going to do.
We're going to have fun, me and you.
We just wait for the old to be new.
The storm won't always spoil the view.

And the crows go caw-caw,
and they ain't saying what they saw.
And the cat's licking her paw
'cause they all know the natural law.

If you want to listen to more Wred Fright music, then please give my latest album a listen or download at your favorite digital music site such as Soundcloud, Spotify, or Bandcamp!

New Single!: Muzyakyakyak

wredfright · Muzyakyakyak

My kiddo showed me a music website he'd been using at school.  It's called Chrome Music Lab, and it's one of the coolest things Google has done.  I had some fun playing around with it, especially the Songmaker aspect.  If you like music, then I think you'll have some fun playing with it as well.  I hope Google leaves it up.  In any case, here's a track I made using the melodies of some songs I've written.

In other music news, my old ULA pal Joe Smith has a new music blog, and he was nice enough to review Old New Battered Blue, my latest album on it.  It took six albums, but I finally got a review.  Woo-hoo!  Thanks to Joe!  In the old days, one just had to give a copy of an album to a local newspaper, and you'd get a review.  It might not be one you liked, but it was a review.  These days, like book reviews, they're hard to come by, but they still remain a great way to let people know about new music, and books! 

If you want to listen to more Wred Fright music, then please give my latest album a listen or download at your favorite digital music site such as Soundcloud, Spotify, or Bandcamp! 

drinkdrankdrunk: "Hustlers" by Pat Simonelli

  

I met Bud Harrelson.  If you're not aware he was an early New York Mets player--shortstop I think--most famous for his "fight" with hit king Pete Rose.  This "fight" consisted of him getting slammed to the ground by Rose--probably around six feet tall while Bud was around five and a half.

One day in 1993 they had a sports show at the Dansbury (CT) Fair Mall--a trading card show probably and the A roll star was some Pittsburgh star I had heard of but I was too shy to go up to the table and meet him.  I was a kid then in case you were wondering.

Finally they had the B roll stars up at the autograph table.  I got up my courage and went up to meet him, Bud Harrelson.  At the time I'd never heard of the guy.  He was very nice.  He asked for my name and signed a lithograph to me with Let's go Mets!  I didn't tell him I was a Boston fan!  But the Mets were my second favorite team, of course I liked them better than the Yankees.

Rose was a top hitter nicknamed Charlie Hustle by the hardnosed way he played the game.  As a Reds coach in the 80s and 90s he was banned from the game for charges he bet on baseball.

3000 hits is the golden mark for a hitter.  Well Rose had over 4000 hits, truly amazing.  In the 1990s he was still a controversial figure in Cooperstown New York home of the baseball hall of fame which he was kept out of.

Rose made a living despite being banned from baseball but he had to hustle for it, charging money for autograph meet and greets.  Just like non-banned players do.

In the mid 1990s Rose was a willing autograph signer to kids like me, signing cards and mailing them back or having someone else do it.  The cards reeked of cigarette smoke that had been in Rose's possession for some time.

If I was a professional baseball player I'd like to be someone like Bud Harrelson--a cool Mets non-star.  Both guys are since long dead but I have to wonder if Rose is still banned from baseball or is he enshrined like he should be?

I wonder what Harrelson said to Rose to make him so mad?  My guess is it was just an annoyance to him like I'm a big star, you're rank and file, how dare you talk to me!  This scenario makes Harrelson a pest and makes me like him even more!

Pat Simonelli is a writer for Literary Vision Press.  Temp address as of August 2026 = 128 Osborne St., #403, Danbury CT 06810 USA.  We are happy to get the former Webmaster of The Underground Literary Alliance back online!

Physical Graffiti And Me

  

The universe works in strange ways.  Decades ago, I became the owner of some abandoned beat-up albums.  They still played, so I was happy enough.  Among them were some albums by Led Zeppelin.  Living near Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania USA at the time, Zep was shoved down everyone's throat by the local radio stations ("Get the Led out on WDVE!"), and I wasn't a fan.  Still, my pal DeeDee liked them, so I figured I'd give them a listen.  The first album was the best.  Stuff like "Communication Breakdown" sounded like punk rock a few years early.  In any case, Zep won me over.  The early albums were the best.  Some of the later ones were boring.  The songs were too long, and none too good to begin with.  One of those records was Physical Graffiti.  In my case, the album I got only had the second record of a two-record set.  The album was one of their most popular but not one of my favorites, I figured maybe because I didn't have the first record.  Anyhoo, years later, I had too many records, so I shed some.  Graffiti was one of them.  I don't recall what happened to it.  It might have been sold at a garage sale with the warning it was missing a record.  Maybe I gave it away to somebody.  I doubt I threw it in the trash because the album sleeves were awesome.  You could arrange them in different ways, so different images appeared in the tenement windows (the cd version is nowhere near as much fun).

In any case, years pass, and I'm at the public library.  The friends of the library have a little bookshop and always stick a little cart out with rejects of stuff they think they can't sell but apparently don't have the heart to just chuck, so they leave it out for anyone who wants it.  In any case, I'm looking at this cart, and I spot Physical Graffiti on cd.  I know I don't have that album, so I take it, apparently having forgotten I used to own half of it.  I take it home and find out the reason it was on the free cart, which I did think was odd that even the seventysomethings who staff the bookshop wouldn't know Led Zep, was that it was missing a disc.

Which disc?  The second one.  So decades later I finally got to hear the first half of the album, which is better than the second half but still not too good ("Kashmir" which I already had on MP3 is on it and the highlight of either record in the set).  So it took decades and it was out of order, but I finally did get to hear all of Physical Graffiti (I also later listened to it all in order on Spotify, which didn't change my opinion of it).

It's just strange that I got two free copies of the same mutilated Led Zep double album in my life and between the two I got the whole album.  I didn't keep the cd one.  I kept the case for when one of my double cd cases break.  The booklet, liner tray, and disc went in an envelope, which I'm currently looking for a good home for.  If you have a copy of Physical Graffiti that's missing the first disc, get in touch.  I might be able to help you out.

If you want to listen to music made since 1975, then please give my latest album a listen or download at your favorite digital music site such as Soundcloud, Spotify, or Bandcamp!

If Resumes Were Truthful . . .

This is another refugee from Frighty #5.  It's a silly thing about how resumes often spin the truth for job candidates, just like job ads spin the truth for companies.

Job Applicant

Why do we still put addresses on resumes?

It's not like you're going to mail me anything!

719-266-2837 * myemailaddressIonlyuseforjobapplicationssoIdonotgetspamfromyouon myrealemailaccount@gmail.com

CAREER SUMMARY

Unfortunately, not being born independently wealthy, I've had to have a series of shitty jobs which have left me skilled in bullshitting, pretending to work, making fun of my incompetent bosses, waiting for private equity to buy the company so they can run into the ground and lay me off before selling it to an even worse private equity, drinking free company coffee no matter how awful, and pretending to give a shit about the slack motherfuckers I inevitably have as coworkers. I look forward to another horrendous and humiliating experience at your company.

EXPERIENCE

Drug Dealer, Self-Employed: Cleveland, Ohio, 2002-2025.

*Sold the best dope in the tri-state area.

*Never got arrested.

Reason For Leaving:  Fuck you, anyone who voted for legal marijuana!

Pre-Arrangement Advisor, Some Awful Cremation Company Named After A Mythological God: Some awful little strip mall in Parma next to the nail salon, I think I lasted a month in 2023.

*Put up with the boss's stupid ideas.

*Tolerated the British bitch that pretended to be the receptionist.

*Sold overpriced cremation plans.

*Laughed when the funeral director quit a week after I started.

*Endured the failed preacher who didn't know anything about sales but somehow was the regional manager.

Reason For Leaving:  It was commission only and they had me calling people who died a decade earlier for leads.

Corporate Jobs I've Successfully Repressed In My Subconscious, Various: Ohio, 2002-2022.

*I don't even remember my bosses' names so if you ask me to list some contact info for references I'm just going to Google stuff randomly and make shit up.

Reason For Leaving:  Typically because I hit my breaking point but sometimes for more money.

If you want to read more workplace funnies, then please read my novel Edna's Employment Agency.