Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Will Vowel-Americans Still Support The President?

In 2008, Vowel-Americans overwhelmingly voted for Barack Obama for president of the USA.  They were delighted by his victory, ending an over two-century dominance of Consonant-Americans in the presidency.  Yes, no longer would Vowel-Americans have their needs ignored by presidents whose last names had perhaps one vowel in them such as Polk, Taft, Ford, Bush, or, worst of all, Grant (four consonants to one vowel).

True, there were brief flourishings where vowels stood in equality to consonants in presidents such as Monroe, Pierce, Coolidge, Hoover, Eisenhower, and Reagan, but not until Obama did vowels outnumber consonants in a president's last name.

However, the euphoria of Vowel-Americans did not last long after Obama's election.  Aaron Aeiou, the president of Voters Open Wide Epiglottis Lips (VOWEL), a Vowel-American political action committee, says, "In hindsight, we should have viewed the selection of [Joe] Biden for VP as a bad sign.  I mean he could have selected Tim Kaine."  And, instead of appointing more Vowel-Americans to high cabinet posts, Obama appointed essentially the same old crowd of Consonant-Americans with names such as Clinton, Holder, Vilsack, Bryson, and Duncan.

The White House has argued that selections such as LaHood, Napolitano, and Sebelius demonstrate the president's commitments to the Vowel-American cause, but Aeiou points out that even the previous president, Bush, appointed cabinet members such as Chao, Mineta, Rice, and, best of all, Paige and Peake.  "All in all, I have to admit that Bush had a better record of appointing Vowel-Americans to his Cabinet.  Obama has been a disappointment," Aeiou sighed.

Asked whether he would support Obama for a second term in 2012, Aeiou wasn't sure, "Romney might not be that bad.  I mean 'y' is sometimes a vowel."

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