Small Press Picks

Karen Lillis has been running a great set of small press book recommendations for holiday gifts on her blog. I finish off the series with my picks. Thanks, Karen! And thanks to all the giant readers of the small press! Happy 2011!

Peer To Peer Proofing

The serialization of Blog Love Omega Glee will be up for as long as I can leave it, but I am working on collecting the novel and once that happens (say when my publisher demands that the book can't be available online for free) the serialized version may disappear. So enjoy it while you can and consider it my Christmas gift to you. If you want to return the favor, then if you spot a typo or anything else seemingly wrong anywhere in the novel, then please feel free to leave a comment on that chapter alerting me to it. There is a lot of wordplay so some goofy uses of language may be intentional (such as the previous sentence having two if thens), along with some strange subtle plotting, but I'd still appreciate anyone pointing out anything that seems to have gone awry. I won't be changing the serialized chapters, but I'll try to fix anything that needs to be fixed in the collected version of the novel. Grazie!

Have A Cool Yule!

I wish you have a cool Yule and Happy 2011!

Blog Love Omega Glee: The End (21 December 2012)

The world doesn't end.

However, the novel does.

The End

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel.

Blog Love Omega Glee: What Comes After Happily Ever After? (20 December 2012)

What do lovers see in one another? That's a good question, but right now Francine is still trying to figure out what to get Jake for his birthday tomorrow, so she's not reflecting on philosophical questions about love. She's been so busy with Mart Mart and trying to get another job to get out of Mart Mart that she's let the day rush up on her. While the house is quiet with Jake at work and Masani gone to pick up Donald, she thinks what to get Jake. At least she took care of the birthday cake already, ordering a cake of a woman's naked torso that will make Jake blush. That's one of the things she loves about him. He's a bit of a prude. She hopes nothing much else happens on Jake's birthday. She doesn't expect the world to end but people thinking it is going to end could make a fuss and cause a bother. They should all relax and read a bit more, perhaps The Pornographic Flabbergasted Emus. So what if the sun will be aligned with the center of the Milky Way tomorrow? All that will make Francine want to do is enjoy a delicious Milky Way candy bar. What do people want the world to end for? Think of all the sequels to films and novels that would never get made if that happened.

Hmm . . . in that case, maybe the world should end, she thinks.

She changes her mind though and remembers one of Jake's dreams that he told her about. It was about a Christmas tree farm and at first he thought it would be a nice holiday dream driven by drinking too much eggnog the night before, but it soon turned horrific when Jake realized he was a tree in the farm and all his family and friends were getting slaughtered. He survived, but he knew Christmas would come again, and next year he would be bigger and more likely to be cut down. What's it like to live when you know you're going to die? Like going on a roller coaster at an amusement park, enjoy the ride while it lasts. Francine hopes everyone feels a bit silly for thinking the world was going to end when it doesn't.

At least Francine hopes it doesn't. North seems to agree with her. Jake told her that North has started doing online dating. Apparently, he's gotten over Oc, after telling Jake he'd never love again after what Oc had done to him. Oc did to him? He did it to himself, by dating her in the first place, Francine thinks. She's touched though that his hope for love springs eternally. She felt like he did once and thought she'd never find love again, if she'd ever found it in the first place. She had pretty much given up on anything beyond a drunken evening with Manuel when Jake showed up. She thinks of all the silly stuff she once wrote in her notebooks about how life had no happy endings, no happily ever after. In fact, nothing ever ends, but she's happy enough at least so she'll settle for that. Thank God she won't have to spend another New Year's Eve alone or, worse, working at Yaws. She thinks she'd rather have an asteroid hit earth than go back to that point in her life. God may not play dice, but this time God bowled a strike, unless this is just a story told by a cockroach to pass the time when they become the dominant life forms on Earth after humans have been extincted. Maybe she'll make Jake a zine about how she feels about him, and tell him that in the great zine tradition, she's sorry she arrived so late.

No, too mushy, she decides. The relationship isn't Eden, but it might be as close as she gets. So far it's no apocalyptic romance, where the narrator has to get drunk to tell the story, the lies we tell ourselves to get through another day. Before she just had her blog. Now she has Jake too. She's not quite sure why he got bored with his blog, but hopes he never gets bored with her, but if he does, then they'll call it quits. Life will go on. It's not a novel. In life there are good guys and bad guys, but mostly they're all just people.

She hears Jake's car in the driveway. She still doesn't know what to get him for his birthday and she's running out of time, but she knows that he gets her and she gets him, and that somehow in all the confusion of life, they rhyme.

When he comes in the house, she sees love.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel.

Blog Love Omega Glee: One Can Never Have Too Many Cans Of Beans Apparently (19 December 2012)

A shopper is fighting with her child in Francine's checkout line at Mart Mart and Francine uses the momentary respite to lean across the aisle and ask Eleanor, the matronly cashier in the next lane, why a recent customer bought two shopping carts completely filled with nothing but cans of beans. Eleanor scans some items for an elderly man and when she's finished and the man is hunting for the exact change in his little blue plastic squeezy changepurse, she turns to Francine and whispers like she's in a conspiracy, "He said the world was going to end in a couple of days and he wanted to be prepared. He said he was going to find a deserted island somewhere and the beans would help him survive."

Francine says, "Well, if the island he lands on isn't already deserted when he gets there, then it certainly will be deserted once he arrives and starts eating all those beans."

Eleanor looks strangely at Francine.

Francine says, "What happens when you eat a lot of beans?"

Eleanor gets it and playfully slaps Francine's hand, "Oh, you're so bad," and laughs.

She checks to make sure that the customer is still digging for change, and says to Francine, "What would you bring to a desert island?"

"I don't know."

"One item. I know what I'd bring."

"What's that?"

"The Bible, of course."

"Hmm . . . I don't know what I'd bring."

The customer coughs and interrupts, "I couldn't help overhearing your conversation. I've thought about this topic as well. Do you mind if I join in?"

"Not at all," Eleanor says.

The man asks, "Would I be alone on this desert island?"

"Yes, I guess," Eleanor says.

"Then I think I know what I'd bring as well," the man says.

"What's that?" Eleanor asks him.

"My pornographic magazine collection," the man says and starts to laugh.

Eleanor frowns, takes his money, and thanks him for shopping our Mart Mart.

After the man leaves, when there's another lull in the onslaught of shoppers, Eleanor asks Francine, "Why do I get all the perverts?"

"You don't eat enough beans," Francine tells her.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel.

Blog Love Omega Glee: You Can Go Home Again (And Again And Again) (18 December 2012)

Jake walks through the door of his parents' house, and his dad greets him with "Sue, I told you he'd move back in before the end of the month!"

"Uh, Mom invited me to dinner actually," Jake says, wiping off the snow from his boots on the doormat.

"What's the matter? How come your girlfriend doesn't cook for you?" Dad says, giving Jake a quick hug and kiss.

"Uh, because I'm a grown man and I can do it for myself," Jake says, taking off his coat.

"So are you making us dinner then?" Dad says.

"Uh, no. I thought Mom was making dinner."

"That's good. I didn't want toast or breakfast cereal."

They go into the dining room. "Where's my baby?" Mom says and gives Jake a slow hug and kiss.

"Smells good," Jake says, sniffing the air.

"It's pizza, your favorite."

"Thanks, Mom," Jake says, sitting down at the dining room table, "Do you need me to do anything?"

"No, just sit. You probably had a hard day."

"Hey, I had a hard day too. Can I just sit?" Dad says.

"No, you have to set the table."

"I should move out too. Apparently, that's what it takes to get treated well around here," Dad says, heading into the kitchen.

"Oh, hush, I treat you well," Mom says, following him in the kitchen.

Jake watches his parents playfully bicker as they get dishes out of the cupboard and take the pizza out of the oven, and he wonders if he and Francine will be like that someday. Will they even be together in twenty years? In a year? For as much as his parents like to complain about one another, it's hard to imagine one without the other. What kept them together? Him? His sister? Love? Fear of starting over? A mixture of everything?

"So, did you find a permanent job yet?" Dad says, coming back in the dining room with a set of dishes and some silverware, "Or are you still planning on being a professional wrestler? I saw one of those guys on tv the other day flipping through the channels. He was talking about how he was going to do this and that to his opponent. Hey, why do those guys always look like they're about to shit their pants when they give a speech?"

It certainly wasn't his dad's sense of humor.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel.

Blog Love Omega Glee: The End Is Near And I Need A Beer (17 December 2012)

Despite being only about ten feet away from one another (Francine upstairs in her room and Jake downstairs in his room), Francine and Jake instant message one another on their computers.

Masani complained when they yelled back and forth.

Jake: Yay! All the kids say yay! I just finished turning in grades. I'm done!

Francine: Congratulations!

Jake: I'd celebrate more but this also means I'm somewhat unemployed.

Francine: They didn't offer you a class next semester?

Jake: No. When I asked the guy who hired me, he said he wasn't bothering to schedule classes since the world was going to end anyway.

Francine: Was he serious?

Jake: No, then he laughed and said that enrollment was down and he couldn't let me know until January when he had the final figures in. Apparently, some people did drop out thinking the world is ending.

Francine: People are nuts over the 2012 stuff. Did you see the news article about the guy who got arrested for building bombs because he thought the world was going to end next week?

Jake: No. But it's good to know even if my mom is nuts, she isn't the type of nut who gets arrested.

Francine: He was building them because he wanted to protect his family, especially his children, when there were food riots next week.

Jake: There are food riots next week?

Francine: I haven't heard of any but maybe he thought the after-Christmas sale at the grocery store would drive people wild.

Jake: If I wanted to protect my children, I think I'd start by not building bombs in the house.

Francine: Apparently he had a thing for mercury thermometers too. He claimed the government wasn't banning them for health reasons but only to prevent the mercury from being used in bomb switches.

Jake: Never heard that one before.

Francine: He also thought aliens from a mysterious 10th planet were going to land near his home in Kentucky.

Jake: Was he going to blow them up too?

Francine: I think he liked the aliens.

Jake: And I thought right wing militia types didn't like illegal aliens.

Francine: Maybe they have green cards and are legal.

Jake: Maybe they're just green and don't need cards.

Francine: Whatever the case, between the aliens and the mercury thermometers, it looks like the 2012 hysteria is heating up and hitting a fever pitch.

Jake: Very punny.

Francine: Maybe we should stock up on some mercury thermometers to protect the house.

Jake: If by protecting, you mean blowing the house up, then OK.

Francine: Let's not blow the house up.

Jake: What will we do when the food riots hit then?

Francine: Eat the food that's rioting. That'll teach those apples not to riot.

Jake: You're a riot today.

Francine: Thank you. Now if I can find a job that will pay me for my sense of humor so I can be free of Mart Mart, I'm all set.

Jake: You have a nice set already.

Francine: Is your mercury thermometer rising?

Jake: I'm coming upstairs.

Francine: Masturbate in your own room. Oh, you're here. All right, I could use a break too. I will send this so you can see it when you return. Was that a mercury thermometer in your pants or were you just happy to see me?

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel.

Blog Love Omega Glee: Be Kind. Do Good. Have Fun. Don't Eat Shit. (16 December 2012)

"You should see what your mom just sent me," Francine says, leaning around the stairs railing.

Jake looks up from reading the latest pamphlet ("How Intelligence Agencies & The Federal Reserve Neutered American Literature") Ringo sent Francine and gets up from the couch and follows Francine upstairs.

They go into Francine's room and Francine points at her computer, "She sent me an email forward. I usually ignore them because she sends about ten a day and most I've seen before, but this one caught my eye. Look at the subject line."

Jake bends down and peers at the screen, "The Bible Version 4.0, written by God and transcribed by Sue Falls?"

"I thought it was going to be a joke, you know, like an email about the benefits of growing older and then you read it and it says, 'Shit, I forgot what I was going to say.' but I think she's serious. It says, . . ."

Jake cuts her off, "I'll just read it."

"O. K.," Francine says and steps away from him.

Jake reads the email which says how God spoke to Mom and told her that the previous holy books had gotten obsolete and in any case were miswritten by men, so God chose her to be a prophet in hopes that a woman would get it right. God generally spoke to her through cats and houseplants, and yes, she knows she sounds nuts, but she's not. God wanted a new Bible that distilled all the essentials and could be sent around as a text message or on Twitter. She writes that the email forward version is special though since it has pictures. The new Bible reads "Be Kind" and has a picture of a little girl petting a kitten. Then it says "Do Good" and has a picture of Habitat For Humanity volunteers building a house. Then it says "Have Fun" and has a picture of puppies frolicking. It ends with "Don't Eat Shit" and has a picture of dog poop on a white dinner plate. Jake looks at Francine, "Is she nuts or is this a joke?"

"I don't know," Francine says, her right hand raised to her mouth and watching Jake carefully, "It actually is an improvement on the Bible. I mean it's not bad advice."

"God talking through the cats?"

"Well, it's not as attention grabbing as a burning bush."

"Houseplants?"

"Well, talking to plants is supposed to be good for them, so maybe God talking through them is like some kind of superfertilizer."

"I mean I know she was upset when I moved out, but I didn't think it would have this effect. I better go and see if she's all right before someone she sent this to tries to get her committed to an insane asylum."

"Well, living with your father would drive anyone crazy."

"Francine."

"Just saying."

"I can't believe this. On my one day off this week too. I was looking forward to a nice and quiet day."

"Jake."

"What?"

"Be kind."

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel.

Blog Love Omega Glee: The Best System Of Control (15 December 2012)

At Mart Mart, Francine feels like she's checked out the entire population of a small town since her shift began when Berken Krek, her harried manager, finally stops Francine's line and tells her to take a break. A collective groan breaks out from the people standing in her checkout lane and for a moment Francine thinks a riot is going to break out amid the chewing gum and other impulse buys that line the aisle, but Krek pacifies them by telling them that checkout 9 is now opening. As the shoppers march off for a new frontier of checkout, Francine feels tension drop from her tired shoulders. The store is a sea of people, with wave upon wave of customers washing up on the shores of her checkout lane. As she heads to the back of the store and the grimy employee breakroom, Francine wonders what could possess so many people to head out on a cold day and buy things most of them don't even need. Admittedly, in addition to the weight of tradition, people were ideologically assaulted with commercials promoting holiday shopping, but why did so many people give in? It was like they were programmed to respond to cold weather by storing up goods. Was it biology? Is this shopping mania just the modern manifestation of storing up the harvest so it will last through the winter? Or was it the logic of capitalism imprinted upon a spiritual need, with spending money and consuming products turned into a virtue to keep the economy growing? If Francine weren't working, then she knows that she certainly wouldn't be spending her Saturday here battling the crowd in order to buy some cheaply made plastic products. Francine wonders if the shoppers are all possessed or under some form of mind control. They certainly seem to act like zombies. She doubts any of them would admit they were under the influence of anything though and would just claim they came to be here on the basis of their own free will. Francine supposes that with all the people in the world they need to be controlled somehow and the best system of control is when they are unaware that they are being controlled. Was anybody in control though? Francine thinks that everyone probably thinks that he or she is in control of her or his own life, but how much is anyone in control? If Francine were in control, then she certainly wouldn't be here, working for little more than minimum wage. She could think of her time here as just paying her dues to society, but she notices that a lot of rich people get away dues free.

Unless of course one wants to argue for the idle daughters and sons of the wealthy that their grandparents or whoever paid the dues for them.

Francine doesn't want to argue that point though because she thinks it's mostly bullshit, so she keeps wondering if anyone is in control. The rich like to think they're in control, but are they really? Government leaders think they're in control, but are they really? The Bilderbergs think they're in control, but are they really? Conspiracy theorists like to think that somebody, somewhere, even if they're evil, are in control, but are they really? Lots of people like to think they're in control, but life and the world is probably too chaotic to be under anyone's control.

Nobody's in control, and that may be more terrifying than thinking that somebody somewhere has things proceeding according to a master plan. Maybe that's why so many people still believe in God. We like to think that somebody's in control. There's a plan. Things are proceeding apace. It's nice to think that somebody's on your side even if that somebody is an invisible force that you can't really be sure exists. And thinking that life has some grand meaning even if it isn't entirely clear to you may beat realizing that all this variety is just more interesting than a big blob of static darkness, at least for a time, until the energy source grows tired of this dream as well and wants to go back to nothingness for a bit of eternity.

When Francine wades her way through the last shoppers, she reaches the the breakroom and buys a sickly sweet iced tea from the vending machine. As she picks up the cup and sits down at a table, she sees the clock and realizes that she needs to start walking back if she wants to get back to her register before her break is over.

She is glad that her bladder is under control.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel.

Blog Love Omega Glee: Civilization Collapses (14 December 2012)

The sky continues to pour snow like a faucet on full blast. With everyone else at work, Francine heads out with the snow shovel and tries to clear the walk for the postal carrier and the driveway for Jake and Masani. After an hour's work shoveling, she reaches the end of the driveway and then notices that so much snow has fallen that she really should shovel the walk again.

She takes a nap instead. If she could, she'd sleep through the entire winter, a pleasant hibernation, but she'd probably freeze to death because the gas company would shut off service if they hadn't been paid since the fall.

Inside, in the warm fuzz of her blankets and bed, she dreams of shoveling more snow. Then the snow turns to Mart Mart customers, who are even harder to shovel than wet snow since they are heavier and complain when the shovel catches them in a sensitive spot. Gradually she floats into the air and the shovel and snow are forgotten. She hovers above the Cleaveland metropolitan area and sees the toy buildings at the center, the human ants scurrying downtown, the tiny cars on the roads, and the little strips of green here and there, cut up by little dot houses, the whole thing looking like a jigsaw puzzle put together by a drunk. She can even see all the way across the large lake into Canada. She waves to the Canadians, but no one waves back. She's rather shocked because she always thought they were polite. Maybe they couldn't see her up in the clouds. Then she shoots down and hovers like a ghost at the gas station ("Fossil Fueling, No Fooling") around the corner from her house, and watches the clerk, worried that the world is going to end, decide that she doesn't want to spend her last moments selling beer and cigarettes, so she leaves. A fuel truck pulls up after she leaves. The driver gets out and looks around for the clerk, shrugs his shoulders, and leaves. Running on fumes, a car pulls up to get gas, but there's no gas to get, so the driver gets out, smashes the glass on the window with a tire iron, steals some beer, and walks off somewhere. Francine finds it ironic that in a society supposedly so concerned about drunk driving gas stations sell alcohol. More cars pull up and and occasionally a driver will leave some money for something, but most of them loot the station. Francine hears police sirens but no cops ever show up. When there's no more stuff to steal, someone sets the station on fire for fun. A crowd gathers to watch it burn. A couple of people all wearing Cleaveland Browns National Football League officially licensed clothing try to hook up some garden hoses to put out the fire, but the water isn't flowing since everyone at the water treatment plant decided to quite working as well, and ditto for the electrical plant and ditto for the coal mines that power the electric plant that power the pumps for the water treatment plant. Francine is puzzled by the mayhem she witnesses and wonders how this could have happened so quickly. Finally the crowd turns ugly and, hungry, decide to eat someone walking by who wears Pittsburgh Steelers National Football League officially licensed clothing. They roast the poor rival football team's fan over the flames of the gas station and then munch on pieces of him that resemble the giant turkey legs sold at the football stadium. Then still hungry, the Browns fans argue over who should be the starting quarterback, and the small woman who thinks the third string quarterback should start because he's the cutest of the three gets roasted and eaten as well. Eventually the fire dies out and the crowd, barking and burping, disperses but decides to meet here again since it's even more fun than tailgating before a game. One expresses regret that the gas station was all out of peanuts, which would have gone well with the tangy taste of the last football fan they ate.

Francine wakes and wonders what she ate to bring on a dream like that. Her stomach growls and she is disturbed to find herself thinking that a giant leg of turkey would be quite welcome at the moment. She goes downstairs and looks out the window.

The snow continues to fall.

She hopes civilization doesn't.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel.

Blog Love Omega Glee: Lonnie Lectures On Love (13 December 2012)

Lonnie steers the delivery van through a snowstorm, "These fucking people. The way they're driving you'd think they'd all suddenly got teleported in here from a desert and had never seen snow before instead of probably living in Cleaveland their whole lives. I'd run into them just for fun and so we could take the rest of the day off, but I don't need to get written up again. So is your buddy still upset over that broad he was banging?"

"North?"

"He's your buddy. I don't know his fucking name."

"Probably North. Yeah, he's still pretty down. It's hard to get him to leave the house anymore."

"Tell him there are plenty of fish in the sea."

"Actually I heard fishery stocks were down worldwide."

Lonnie looks over at Jake in disgust, "Funny."

"Look out!" Jake yells, noticing that they are about to run into the back of a Hummer that's spun out in front of them.

"Relax!" Lonnie says, and steers around the Hummer in a fluid motion, "Tell North to find another girlfriend. That's the easiest way to get over heartbreak."

"You think so?"

"Think so? I know so. You're talking to a guy who got divorced one morning and married that afternoon."

"Really?"

"Well, I was drunk at the time and in Vegas and the second marriage got annulled because the bride blacked out after the ceremony, but yeah, I did."

"What I don't understand is how people can just jump into another relationship after they've had a bad one. I mean what makes them think it's just the person they were in a relationship with that's messed up. Maybe it's them who's messed up."

"Are you saying I'm messed up, kid?"

"Uh, no. I was just speaking hypothetically."

"Oh. Well, in that case, I won't crash into the car ahead of us. I think it's love, man, it's a weird thing. We seem to always want it. It's like a driver in a snowstorm and all the other cars are wiped out on the side of the road. Instead of stopping and pulling over or turning around, he keeps going because he thinks he's the one that's going to make it and all the others were just bad drivers."

"I usually just turn around when that happens," Jake says.

"It's a wonder you ever get laid, kid."

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel.

Blog Love Omega Glee: Can You Giftwrap Love? (12 December 2012)

"Wake up! I'm here to end your championship dreams!" The Prophet yells from the wrestling alarm clock Jake picked up in the toy section of Mart-Mart.

He presses the button again and this time it's The Cannibals who yell, "Get up! Unless you want to be for breakfast?!"

He chuckles and puts the alarm clock back on the shelf. He'd buy it, but he's actually trying to save money since both of his temporary jobs end this month. He wanders through the toy section wondering what he should get Francine for Christmas. She told him that she was a pagan and only celebrated the winter solstice quietly and that the exchanging presents holiday tradition was just capitalist ideology brainwashing people into being compliant consumers but he senses that she'd be disappointed if he didn't get her something.

But what?

Hmm . . . he thinks about buying her a new car battery. He had to drive her to work tonight since her car wouldn't start. That's how he ended up at Mart Mart anyway. And anytime he's there he can't resist checking out the wrestling action figures. It's like a sculpture gallery for poor people. Somehow he thinks that Francine wouldn't appreciate the wrestling alarm clock.

No one's perfect.

He wanders into the women's clothing section. Maybe he should buy her some lingerie or something. Then again, crotchless panties may give a new meaning to a stocking stuffer.

Save that stuff for Valentine's Day.

He wanders into the automotive section.

Who the hell wants a car battery for Christmas?

He leaves the automotive section.

Besides, if he bought her an expensive present, she might feel obliged to do the same, and Jake knows that Francine is also trying to watch her pennies right now.

Pennies! That's it! He decides to buy her a piggybank, and tries to figure out where in Mart Mart that would be stocked.

No! She's a woman. She might think he's trying to tell her that she's put on weight. He decides against the piggybank.

It's too bad one can't just giftwrap love, he thinks. However, Francine hates giftwrap and thinks it's a waste of a tree, so he decides against giftwrapping whatever he gets her.

Maybe he can just do something for her to show he's not materialistic.

No, she might think he's just cheap.

Jake realizes that even though he sleeps next to Francine every night, he still doesn't know her very well.

Maybe he'll call his sister and ask for her advice.

No, she'd just make fun of him.

In his wandering he ends up in the pharmacy section. He looks around at the health products and sees if any of them might do for a gift.

Toothpaste?

No.

Jake realizes that Francine might be off work by the time he finds a present, even though she won't be done with her shift for hours.

Hours! That's it! He decides to buy her a watch.

He wanders into the jewelry department, sees some engagement rings, gets nervous, and changes his mind.

Maybe he will buy that alarm clock.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel.

Blog Love Omega Glee: A Leak I Like (11 December 2012)

Evil Journalista sends Francine an email: "Hark the drunken congressional staffers sing and for once we have something to sing about. My scientist friend said Dick's dead. Something's in his body though and it likes to play with the dog. It doesn't talk. It doesn't write. It just likes playing with that damn dog Dick had. She said that it doesn't act like Dick. She thinks there's some sort of consciousness in there as it acts independently and even seems intelligent, but it's like the intelligence of a dog, which then again might make it smarter than Dick ever was. As you know, Ohio came through for Polipo, but, as you probably don't know, Dick's campaign won't be challenging it. Fir's disappeared to California having some sort of midlife crisis or whatever hyenas of his type have when they realize how hideous they really are. The rest of the campaign are still too busy fighting among themselves and trying to figure out what happened to Dick, who's happily taking the dogs out on walks, er, rolls. In short, the whole nation's walking around like a chicken with its head cut off. It's too bad Kitty O'Couscous didn't get enough of the vote that she could disappear with the members of the Supreme Court one by one into a bedroom and then eventually come back out declared president. Instead we'll be stuck with Polipo, who won't be much different than Dick. He'll just smile more as he bombs people and raises taxes. It's enough to make a man turn to drink, but I turned there long ago, so now I can only leak to you while I write up sanitized portraits of how everything's going to be different now that the national unity government is over and our national emergency has ended. You and I both know the truth. Not a damned thing is going to really change. The system's in charge, and everyone in it just pretends that they have no responsibility and everything is someone else's fault. I'm sure that will be real comforting when the entire civilization slides off a cliff. How we got here I don't exactly know but maybe we should keep Dick as president, at least whatever's in there, an artificial intelligence, the remnants of Dick's innocent soul, seems to have the right idea. Play with the dog. The rest of the stuff doesn't matter. None of the people in Washington seem to realize that though. They're all getting in line to suckup to the new gang in town. Maybe I should have my own blog. Then I wouldn't have to bother you with this stuff. But I gots a mortgage and a wife, which I'll use as an excuse nots to declare myself a coward. Just watch your back Franikins. Those black ops fuckers don't have much of a sense of humor. They're too busy backstabbing one another and snorting cash. Evil Journalista sees it almost every day. So Polipo is Prez. Whoopee! We got what we all wanted and it looks like we're worse off than before because then we could have at least blamed everything on Dick. Now we just have to blame ourselves. In the meantime, Clinton will probably keep everything rolling, and she'll love every minute of it. They'll roll Dick out to wave goodbye on inauguration day and then the scientists will study it play with the dog. This ain't Hollywood, so I expect that won't be a happy ending, but it's as close as we're going to come. So let your readers know. The machine is better than man, and the dog likes it better than his old best friend because the machine never gets tired of throwing a stick during fetch and there's no competition for who gets to eat the chicken. The machine lets the dog have the whole thing instead of giving it scraps. Just keep the machine's battery charged and he's good to go. My scientist pal said it learns quickly too. She said it's been working on developing solar panels. I wonder when it'll make itself a little wife. And maybe a robot dog when Chess dies. The human being is obsolete. Our replacement has arrived. It'll probably be more humane than us anyway. So far, it hasn't slapped any toasters around or been jealous of the refrigerator yet. Dick would have started another war by now just for fun. I'd hope that whole creepy administration gets investigated and punished for all their crimes, but Polipo will probably use his new broom to sweep the evidence under the rug in the Oval Office in hopes that no one will investigate the crimes his administration will commit. I'd like to lift up that rug sometime and give that floor a good scrubbing. And that's what makes me Evil Journalista. In a world where all the good little journalists do what they're told and comfort the comfortable and afflict the afflicted, I still have that old time religion and remember when it used to be the reverse. Now after leaking to you, I have to take a leak. Have a cool Yule, Frannikers!"

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel.

Emus In The News: Emu Escapes In Rhode Island

In yet another installment of the occasional WredFright.Com feature, an emu has made the news yet again. This time, one of the big birds escaped in Rhode Island and tried to run back to Australia. It was unsuccessful and was caught and returned to the farm from which it escaped, but it had a nice two days on the lam. See what the AP has to say about it. Have I mentioned lately that my novel The Pornographic Flabbergasted Emus makes a fine stocking stuffer? And, unlike a real emu, the book can fit in a stocking. Have a cool Yule!

Blog Love Omega Glee: Bruce Goose Explains The 2012 Myth (10 December 2012)

"Hank!" the voice on the telephone says and Jake knows it's Bruce Goose.

"Uh, hi, Bruce."

"You recognized my voice! That's too bad, I was going to play a prank on you and try to sell you some erectile dysfunction pills."

Jake doesn't know what to say to this so he doesn't say anything.

Bruce continues, "I got us another gig. I have a friend that needs a Santa and some elves for a party, but get this it's for a blind school so we don't even have to dress up to do it since no one can see what we're wearing anyway. We just have to talk in character and hand out gifts to the blind kids. I'm Santa, of course. Do you want to be an elf?"

"Huh. Maybe. When is it?"

"Tomorrow night."

"I teach."

"Bummer. Hey, did you read the newspaper today?"

"Uh. no."

"There was some guy who went on a killing spree. He was killing everyone he ever had a beef with. He kept a list and everything. When the cops caught him, he told them, the world was ending soon so he knew he wouldn't be in jail long. He just wanted to settle some scores while he still could. What do you think of that?"

"Uh, he sounds pretty crazy."

"That's what I think! I can't believe people believe in that 2012 world ending shit. You know that all comes from a couple of hippies who got stoned in the 1970s and hallucinated some aliens. They played around with the I Ching and a computer program and came up with a concept called timewave zero which supposedly measures the rate of novelty in the universe and measured out that it all came to a head in 2012. At some point the Mayans got grafted onto it and now everyone thinks it's an ancient prophecy when it's really just some dude named Terence McKenna and his brother getting high on some potent dope. But you know everyone loves a good endtime myth, so that's probably why it caught on. Look at all the nutty Christians grooving on Revelations. I wonder what the next date of destruction will be once this one passes. Hank, don't be too disappointed when the world doesn't end on the 21st."

"I'll try not to be."

"In fact, McKenna says he saw elves when he was tripping. Maybe he just met Santa and didn't realize it. So are you sure you can't be an elf tomorrow?"

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel.

Blog Love Omega Glee: An Inadvertent Adam (9 December 2012)

In the darkness, masturbating furiously to the idea of having absolute control, Louis Carson Fir lies on the floor of the Oval Office. He ejaculates and not wanting to sully his new suit by using it or by trying to reach the box of tissues on the desk, he grabs the American flag by the desk and wipes himself up with it, and thinks that he's probably not the first occupant of this room to do that. He zippers and buttons himself back up and stands up, feeling much more relaxed. He looks out the windows at the night, then crosses the room to turn on the lights. Chess continues to bark from the closet Fir shoved her into the day before. He'd like to send her as a peace offering to North Korea, but "Dick" still needs all the help he can get winning the public over, so Fir suffers the dog's presence. He has enough problems to deal with that disposing of the dog eventually is far down the list. Clinton's still being a pain about giving up the vice-presidency. Anythingfora doesn't think the legal strategy of reholding the election will fly. Florida still hasn't finished handcounting their votes, but Ohio is about done with the recount and Fir's operatives tell him that, despite their best efforts to bury votes under piles of buckeyes, Polipo will likely be certified the winner. Fir's thought of declaring martial law but all the game theory computer simulations show even the apathetic American populace stirring and resisting in every variation run. "Some of those idiots are just waiting for an excuse to use their guns," Fir thinks and sighs.

Even letting Polipo have the presidency would be preferable to the anarchy predicted by the computer models. And Dick wore out the old false flag fake terror incidents and wars so those won't be able to work again until another generation comes of age, according to the intelligence experts. It might be time to go, to give it all up and retire in Los Angeles. Maybe he could woo an old flame or just cash in further in the corporate world, he ruminates. He crosses the office and stands in front of Dick. Fir can see himself reflected in the shiny metal of the machine. He taps on it and says, "Too bad you aren't in there. I could use some advice right about now."

Restless, he wanders over to the desk. Perhaps he'll eavesdrop on some random American's telephone conversation for fun. Most of the time they were so boring though.

Whir.

Fir turns at the sound and sees Dick's right arm raise up. Thinking he brushed a button on the remote control in his suit jacket, Fir digs out the control and lowers the arm back down. He sets the control down on the desk. Putting his hands behind his head and his feet up on the desk, he tries once again to see any means of holding on to the presidency.

Whir.

Fir's head turns like a racecar rounding a curve. Dick's right arm is raised again. Fir picks up the control and lowers it. Something must be malfunctioning, he thinks and is thankful it didn't happen in public.

Whir. Whir. Whir.

Fir jumps up and his mouth opens wide as he see Dick cross the office, snatch the remote control from the desk and dash it against a wall.

"Dick?" Fir says.

The machine doesn't say anything. It just wheels across to the closet and opens the door to let out the dog, which jumps against it barking.

"L.A., yep, L.A.," Fir thinks.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel.

Blog Love Omega Glee: A Prone Math Lesson (8 December 2012)

Francine seems obsessed by her new job at Mart Mart. Masani seems to be living in a dream world while waiting for Donald to come home for Christmas. North seems to be completely depressed by his breakup with Oc and now seems to have become a hermit. Jake's parents seem to be still mad at him for moving out, but did they expect him to live as an eternal 12-year-old with them forever? And, as Jake's birthday approaches, more and more people seem to think it's the day the world's going to end instead of just the day Jake turns 26 and Winifred as usual gives him a birthday gift that doubles as a Christmas gift as well, yet still expects him to buy her separate presents for her birthday and Christmas. Fortunately, all Jake's troubles melt away when he tunes into Grapple Groove where people settle their problems the old-fashioned way.

By body slamming one another.

In the ring, Mark Cain, looking fabulous with a new polka-dot feather boa over his shoulders and his new manager/valet/girlfriend H.C. Beaver hanging on his arm, is lecturing The Plumper Plumber how he's going to beat him, "If I were you, I'd just forfeit, PP. I mean if you show up at our match, you know how's it going to end. You saw what I did to my brother last week, and he's family. In fact, I'm going to detail how I'm going to beat you right now. Now I could throw you out of the ring and you're so out of shape the referee would probably count you out before you could climb back into the ring, but I'm not going to beat you that way. I could put you in The Twist Of Cain and make you submit."

He looks at H.C. and says, "That'd be fun, wouldn't it?"

She nods enthusiastically.

He continues his rant and the crowd continues to boo, "But, I think I want to do something different. PP, I'm going to beat you in the ring by pinfall. PP, you can count along with the referee when I do so. That is if you can count that high. 1-2-3."

The sound of a flushing toilet is heard over the arena's speakers and then the surf rock anthem of The Plumper Plumber plays. The crowd cheers. The man himself appears at the entrance ramp. He wears his usual plumber's overalls and as usual his asscrack shows. He picks up a microphone and says, "You know what, Cain? Your mouth is leaky. I'm going to fix that for you next week and the only thing I'm going to charge you for that is that American championship belt hanging on your waist. It's going back to where it belongs. To a real champion. And, yeah, I can count to three, and I will be counting along with the referee but you need a geometry lesson son. I'm going to be on top and you're going to be on the bottom. I'm going to have you bent up like an Isosceles triangle. And when I hit you with The Plunger, you're going to need to know calculus to figure out where all your teeth went."

Cain snarls and seems on the verge of having a fit, but H.C. calms him down by whispering in his ear, and he smiles and picks up the microphone, "Those are some big words coming from you, PP. Here's some algebra. Me plus you equals you getting your ass kicked. You can run that equation for any variable you want and it's always going to have the same result."

The Plumber responds, "Oh, you want to talk some more math, huh? How about statistics, then? You have never won a match without outside interference. Your brother isn't going to help you for obvious reasons. And, as for your little girlfriend over there, well, I just got a stipulation added to the match so I don't think she's going to be able to help you."

"Why's that?" Cain says, looking worried.

"Because the two of us are going to be locked in a STEEL CAGE!!! So the probability of you winning our match and retaining the championship is about 0% I'd say. As always, keep your plumbing pumping! Toodles!"

As The Plumber waddles backstage, Cain is so upset that he starts chewing on turnbuckles until H.C. makes him count to ten in order to calm down.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel.

Blog Love Omega Glee: It May Be Winter Outside (But In My Heart It's Spring) (7 December 2012)

It is dark when Masani wakes up, but in her head it's a beautiful sunrise.

Humming a Love Unlimited song in the shower, she steps out of the bathtub right into fresh cat vomit (Monique probably ate too quickly again). She just wipes it off her foot with some toilet paper and keeps humming.

After dressing, she walks downstairs and, like usual, Rudy dashes past her on the stairs and nearly trips her. Instead of cursing the cat, like usual, she delights in the piece of mint dental floss dangling out of the cat's behind as it runs down the stairs. Someone's been eating dental floss out of the bathroom trash can again apparently.

She turns on the radio and it's all war, terrorism, lying politicians, stupid business leaders, crime, obnoxious commercials disguised as public radio underwriting, and radio announcers sucking up to authority figures, all enough to make any reasonable person go back to sleep and hope to wake up again and find that this nightmarish world was nothing more than the dreamworld created by eating too much pizza the night before. Instead, Masani finds some hope in all the good things not on the airwaves.

She drives to work and her car makes a disturbing noise. She just works it into the rhythm of a remix of the song running through her head.

At work, everyone is crabby and complaining. Masani tunes them out and whistles while she works.

A patient screams at her on the telephone for something stupid one of the doctors did and Masani hears soothing ocean waves.

She heats up some hot water in the microwave for her afternoon tea and a nurse bumps into her while she carries it back to her desk and it all spills. The nurse doesn't apologize and tells Masani "to watch where she's going" even though the nurse was the one walking down the hallway reading a chart and not paying attention. Masani just smiles, says "God Bless," and gets some more water from the water fountain to start again.

After work, she brushes a half-foot of snow off her car and sees only the water that will eventually make pretty flowers.

On the road, drivers drive either too slow or too fast and Masani nearly gets in an accident several times due to the incompetence of other drivers and instead of getting so frustrated that she gives someone the finger, she just sings "It May Be Winter Outside (But In My Heart It's Spring)".

At home, Jake and Francine are fighting over her always having to work weekend nights, and instead of screaming she hears the soothing sounds of background vocal harmony. The slammed door just sounds like a well-hit snare drum.

When she checks the mail, she finds a letter from the water department explaining that they've just noticed that the house hasn't been billed for several years and are working on figuring out the bill, but they'll need her to go downtown to the office to sort things out, and Masani thinks that the lake near the office will be very pretty to see.

You see, last night Donald called to say he'll be home for Christmas.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel.

Blog Love Omega Glee: Yeah, Why Don't Bands Tour As Their Own Tribute Acts? (6 December 2012)

Francine posts on the new blog, Seasonal Help Needs Help, that she and Jake are doing together. Her post is entitled, "Things Overheard At Work":

"A mom and son waited in line. Mom was in her fifties and looked like she might stab you with a knitting needle if you got too close. Son was in his thirties but trailed behind Mom's shopping cart like he was a toddler. Mom watched the Beatles tribute band playing by the checkout lanes and said, 'Those tribute acts are so popular these days. How come bands don't tour as their own tribute acts?' Son said, 'Probably because they'd make more money playing as themselves.' Then they argued about who makes more money, The Beatles or a Beatles tribute band, until the son gave up by saying the point was moot since some of The Beatles are dead.

Two men dressed like they're in a hip-hop video bought many cases of pop. Man #1 glanced at the magazine rack and must have seen something about Iran and said, 'I don't know why we don't nuke them and get it over with.' Man #2 said, "Because then the oil would be radioactive, dumbass,' and slapped Man #1 in the back of the head. I managed to check them out before they nuked anyone with the flatulence drinking all that pop causes.

A coworker complimented me on my nails. She said hers keep breaking because ever since she broke up with her boyfriend she hasn't been getting the extra protein she was used to.

An older man asked me if we carried the type of Coca-Cola that had cocaine in it. He was very disappointed when he learned that it had stopped being manufactured in 1903. He ended up buying a case of Poca-Cola later.

When I asked a middle-aged man if he needed anything else, he said, 'Your phone number.' I wrote down the number of the local police station and he seemed very happy.

A bunch of teenage boys streaked through the store and an old lady asked me when the next time 'Nude Day' was. She seemed disappointed to know that the streaking wasn't a store-sanctioned event.

One of the assistant managers must have done some drinking on his dinner break and came back and treated the store to some off-key versions of Elvis classics on the intercom.

A man wearing a "Stick with Dick" jacket got yelled at by a Polipo supporter who grabbed some tomatoes and started tossing them at the man until the produce manager intervened. She apologized and paid for the tomatoes. The 'Stick with Dick' guy checked out through my lane and, ironically, ended up buying a jar of tomato sauce.

A couple debated whether the world would end later this month and made a sucker's bet. The woman bet it wouldn't and the man bet it would. How can he collect if it does?

And, one that will make Jake happy, while I was waiting on a price check, a little boy told me all about why The Baby was his favorite wrestler.

And, finally, just this strange non-sequitur, from a harried mom on a cell phone, 'Did you remember to shave the cat?'"

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel.

Blog Love Omega Glee: The Neighborhood Just Got A Little Less Cooler (5 December 2012)

Blonde-haired Chris pulls down the back door of the moving van and shuts it. He dusts off his hands by slapping them against one another--Whack! Whack! Whack!--and says, "Well, that's it. Chris is giving things a last onceover and then we'll be off."

"I know you won't miss this place, but I'm going to miss you guys," Francine says, standing in the parking lot behind Chris and Chris's apartment building, "But you'll be back, right? You've still got to clean."

"Nope! We don't have a security deposit. I'm not cleaning anything. Especially after all the bullshit we went through here. The landlord's lucky I don't burn the place down. He turned everything over to some management company. They don't seem to have a clue what's going on and wanted us to sign a new lease, so we thought it'd be a good time to just disappear."

"Well, I'm sure you'll like Lackwood. And I'm sure I'll bump into you sometime when I'm over there with Jake."

Brown-haired Chris comes down the outside wooden stairs in the back of the apartment building. "Free at last!" she yells, throwing her hands in the air when she reaches the bottom.

"Hey, thanks a lot for helping us out. I know it was a lot of work," blonde-haired Chris says, hugging Francine.

"No problem. You know me, nothing I like better to do than carry heavy boxes on my day off," Francine says, smiling and noticing the first few flakes of snow coming down.

"Ugh," brown-haired Chris sticks her hands in the pocket of her white jacket, "I won't miss the lake effect snow."

"Well, we owe you a beer," blonde-haired Chris says, starting to shiver in the cold.

"Several," Francine says, "You guys have a lot of stuff."

"I'll miss just bumping into you at Purgatory," brown-haired Chris says, "We'll be back though. No one makes a cappuccino like Lilith."

"You can buy me one of those too," Francine says, rubbing her tummy.

They hug and say bye and then the blonde-haired Chris gets into the moving van, and brown-haired Chris into her car and they drive away. Francine watches them disappear down the narrow driveway between the building and the bank next door and knows she might never see them again. People might have good intentions of staying in touch and getting together with old friends and acquaintances, but one road leads to another and people get caught up in their daily lives and the past and those who belonged to it drift further away until it all seems like a dream, or, in Chris and Chris's case living here, a nightmare. Most of what brought Francine and the Chrises together was proximity anyway. Pure happenstance. If they had moved a few blocks over, Francine might have never known they existed. Still, she hopes someday to see them again.

And get that cappuccino.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel.

Blog Love Omega Glee: A Coffeehouse Conversation About Symbols In Currency (4 December 2012)

The old man sits at a table in Caffeine Eden and stares at his hands. "When did they get to be so wrinkled?" he wonders. He's watched his hands many times and never seen a wrinkle grow but one day he looks and it's there. Gravity. Gravity, he thinks, it's a sneaky sneak. Or maybe time. Time's a sneaky sneak as well. You can take a rest but it'll keep moving, pulling you along. He sighs. It seems as if everyone's sighing a lot lately. He puts his wrinkly hands around his warm cup of Hyper Holiday coffee and looks around the coffeehouse for a friendly face, but the only one he sees is Adam's and he's already pushed him about as far as he can for the day. Baristas dislike getting hit on (well, some of that depends on who's up at bat), but they also dislike having lonely people talk their ears off. The old man knows the look. It's the same look his wife gives him when he's talking too much, which is why he comes here when she needs a break. But the joint is half empty. Who's there to talk with? "What the hell's going on, Larry?" he asks himself. If he can't have a good conversation with someone else, then he'll just have one with himself.

"I don't know, Larry. Tom's dead so that's why he isn't here. That kid, Jeremiah or whatever his name was, moved to the East side so he's never around no more. Of the people in here I know, they aren't real good conversationalists. And the other ones don't look too friendly."

"Yeah, but usually it's busier than this, Larry. There's at least somebody to talk to."

"It could be the economy. It's bad."

"The economy's always bad."

"Maybe they're all out doing their bucket lists since the world's going to end."

"Maybe. You think somebody'd have on their list a chat in a coffeeshop."

"Well, I'll chat with you, Larry. What do you want to talk about?"

"How about the dollar bill. What's up with all those weird symbols on it?"

"They're probably on there to make it hard to counterfeit."

"Who counterfeits a dollar bill? Maybe a hundred dollar bill, but not a dollar bill. I mean look at it. It's weird," Larry thinks to himself and pulls a dollar bill out of his wallet.

He stares at it, "I mean Canadian bills have pictures of a bird or something on them. This thing has a pyramid with an eyeball. What the hell is that about?"

"And what's up with all the Latin? Are we at an old-fashioned Catholic mass?"

"And that eagle looks very uncomfortable holding an olive branch, arrows, and a shield."

"Don't forget the banner in his beak."

"And if you fold it in half and turn it sideways, the negative space around Washington's head looks like a vagina. I mean I get the birth of a new nation symbolism, but that's getting a bit explicit, don't you think, Larry?"

"I don't know, I think it looks more like the coastline of Virginia."

"What?! How could you think that?"

"I guess I just don't see sex everywhere like some dirty old men I could name."

Larry continues to argue with himself and finally gets so upset he leaves without finishing his coffee.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel.

Blog Love Omega Glee: And This Year's Award For The Biggest Lie Goes To . . . (3 December 2012)

Working the night shift as the lone cashier at Mart Mart, Francine fills in the time between customers reading the magazines on the rack in front of her cash register. Most of them are gossip rags and
detail which celebrity is cheating on a spouse, cheating on a contract, losing weight, losing fans, doing drugs, doing another celebrity, secretly gay, secretly straight, and so on. Francine notices that the celebrity magazines publish basically the same text every week, just changing the names in the stories. She flips through an issue of Carl's Celebrity Cascade, which lists the world's sexiest television news reporters ("We'd listen to Sharon Reed read the telephone book just to hear that velvet voice"), and wonders what to think of a culture that doesn't pay as much attention to the news the reporters report as it does to the sexiness of the reporters. And the news they report is often little more than propaganda and official lies anyway. Perhaps people are right then to focus on the reporter's physical attributes since everything coming out of that sexy mouth is little more than an adult version of a fairy tale and has little resemblance to the world outside the television. Francine thinks of A.J. Liebling, who once proposed that American newspapers give an award to the newspaper that told the biggest lie in the past year. Today, Francine decides, the award could be opened up to all media categories including television networks, movie studios, radio stations, and Web sites. It's hard to tell fact from fiction and news from opinion anymore. Everything's blurred, and then buried under a steady diet of junk news like the stories about celebrities, which are fun but irrelevant to the average citizen, only serving to distract her or him from news that matters like the rich looting the public treasury. Francine realizes that under such a steady barrage of propaganda, it's no wonder that her little blog devoted to truth seems a bit insane to the person used to reading Carl's Celebrity Cascade or the daily newspaper.

She sighs. Maybe she ought to give up doing her blog, like Jake did, and they can just concentrate on doing their new blog together. She wouldn't have to carry the world on her back anymore and she could just gripe about her miserable job instead. Of course, right now, the most miserable thing about it is having to fight to stay awake to ring up someone buying groceries at 3 in the morning. She flips to an article about Kitty O'Couscous ("She may not have won the presidency, but this patriotic porn star won our hearts. What will she do now? Or should that be 'whom'?"), but before she can read further, an older white man wearing a Cleaveland Caucasians baseball hat rolls his cart up. Francine notices that his cart is empty. The old man says, "Do you guys sell anything that isn't made in China? I thought the U.S. government bailed you out, and this is the thanks we get?"

Francine says, "Yes. I mean yes, we sell things that aren't made in China, I don't know . . ."

The man doesn't wait for her to elaborate, and says, "I don't understand how I could have fought the communist Chinese in Korea and now here they are dumping their crap in middle America, and I'm supposed to be OK with that."

"I can get the night manager if you want to speak to him."

"Ah, wouldn't do a darn bit of good. He's probably a pinko anyway. Here."

The man hands Francine a coupon: "Buy one Hershey's Bar, Get one free!"

"At least I know those are still made in America. I've been to the factory."

"This coupon isn't good here."

"What do you mean?"

"It's for Food Wigwam. This is Mart Mart."

"What?"

"It's for the wrong store. You're in Mart Mart."

"Well, I may not know where the bleep I am, but I sure as heck know I ain't in America anymore," the old man says and shoves his shopping cart into the wall.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel.

Blog Love Omega Glee: Surfing The Timewave And Wiping Out (2 December 2012)

Setting: Mid-afternoon snow storm in North's 2000 Green Yubarelygo with Cee Lo Green's "Fuck You" on repeat on the stereo while on the way to the movie theater to see Benito Crimeinthealli star in what is sure to be a bad action movie, the name of which is so forgettable that already neither Jake nor North can remember it. If you can imagine a tough guy cliche like "hard to handle," then you may have a future career in naming B movies starring professional wrestlers.

Plot: Jake and North have a conversation in a car about love, professional wrestling, and time travel.

Characters: Jake and North.

Theme: Love and time make fools of us all.

Point of view: Third person.

Symbol: North's broken transmission which prevents him from driving in reverse. Time only goes forward as far as we can tell, get it? He's dwelling on breaking up with Oc and complaining that she's taken up with one of the guys she had group sex with, and North thinks she left him for someone with more money and status, while Jake is patiently listening to him deal with his heartbreak through the talking therapy and wondering why he seems to miss someone who obviously treated him horribly, and Jake thinks that he should forget her and move forward with his life, not in reverse.

Style: Barely literate and mostly dialogue.

Tone: Amused, the way the Great Spirit is amused by us.

Irony: I don't get paid to waste my time this way.

Exposition: Jake and North discuss one of their favorite wrestling storylines with Benito, which was the one in which he decided to defend his championship belt by traveling back in time to get his younger self to defend the belt against a younger opponent ("I ain't letting age mean a punk like that can beat me").

Rising action: The topic shifts to the question of whether if one could go back in time, would one. The two friends disagree, with Jake not wanting to change anything ("I'm pretty happy where I am now. Yeah, I have problems, but who knows? If even a small thing changed in the past I might not be here at all.") and North wanting to change everything, especially getting involved with Oc ("She might as well be on sale on eBay, going to the highest bidder. I was an idiot to love her. The only thing she loves is money.")

Climax: In the movie theater parking lot, the parking spot North tries to pull into is stolen by another car at the last second, leaving North and Jake marooned and unable to go forward, so North has to put the car in neutral, get out, and push it backwards while Jake steers.

Falling action: North mutters that he'd like to travel back in time and make sure the parents of the driver who cut him out of the parking space never meet.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel.

Blog Love Omega Glee: Nothing Says I Love You Like Doing A Blog Together (1 December 2012)

Jake opens his eyes and finds himself staring at one of Francine's pillows. He yawns and rolls over. This apparently disturbs Francine, who says, "Thank you for shopping our Mart Mart. Have a nice day."

"Huh?" Jake says, but Francine doesn't answer him.

She does roll over and start to snore though. Jake emulates her. When he wakes again, weak December light creeps in through the edges of the window shade. He sits up and Francine grunts.

"Huh?" Jake says, and Francine sits up.

"Are you getting up?" she asks.

"Not yet, but I can if you want a little morning delight."

Francine elbows him gently and lies back down, "For real."

"Yeah, why?"

"I thought this was your day to sleep in."

"That's true. I have nothing to do. However, I am awake."

"I'm getting there. I had a dream I was at work. Wait, I was thinking about work and I wasn't getting paid! Make that a nightmare."

"I could tell. You thanked me for shopping at Mart Mart."

Francine sits up suddenly, "I did?!"

"Yeah, I think you were talking in your sleep."

"Geez, that place is getting to me already. Well, at least I haven't tried to hit anyone with the cash register yet. And I have to go in there later."

"Well, I have nothing to do."

"Don't make me jealous."

"No, it's not all good. Literally, I have nothing to do. I'm bored. I miss having a blog."

"So start another one."

"Uh, I don't know. I don't want to flake out on people again. Maybe I'd just get bored with it again."

Francine grabs his arm, "I know, why don't we do a blog together? We could write about our miserable seasonal jobs. We can goad each other on."

Jake thinks about it for a second, then says, "OK, that'd be fun."

Francine laughs sarcastically, "Wow! What a big step in our relationship! We're doing a blog together. What's next?"

"Celebrating," Jake says, pulling her against him.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel.