Francine seems obsessed by her new job at Mart Mart. Masani seems to be living in a dream world while waiting for Donald to come home for Christmas. North seems to be completely depressed by his breakup with Oc and now seems to have become a hermit. Jake's parents seem to be still mad at him for moving out, but did they expect him to live as an eternal 12-year-old with them forever? And, as Jake's birthday approaches, more and more people seem to think it's the day the world's going to end instead of just the day Jake turns 26 and Winifred as usual gives him a birthday gift that doubles as a Christmas gift as well, yet still expects him to buy her separate presents for her birthday and Christmas. Fortunately, all Jake's troubles melt away when he tunes into Grapple Groove where people settle their problems the old-fashioned way.
By body slamming one another.
In the ring, Mark Cain, looking fabulous with a new polka-dot feather boa over his shoulders and his new manager/valet/girlfriend H.C. Beaver hanging on his arm, is lecturing The Plumper Plumber how he's going to beat him, "If I were you, I'd just forfeit, PP. I mean if you show up at our match, you know how's it going to end. You saw what I did to my brother last week, and he's family. In fact, I'm going to detail how I'm going to beat you right now. Now I could throw you out of the ring and you're so out of shape the referee would probably count you out before you could climb back into the ring, but I'm not going to beat you that way. I could put you in The Twist Of Cain and make you submit."
He looks at H.C. and says, "That'd be fun, wouldn't it?"
She nods enthusiastically.
He continues his rant and the crowd continues to boo, "But, I think I want to do something different. PP, I'm going to beat you in the ring by pinfall. PP, you can count along with the referee when I do so. That is if you can count that high. 1-2-3."
The sound of a flushing toilet is heard over the arena's speakers and then the surf rock anthem of The Plumper Plumber plays. The crowd cheers. The man himself appears at the entrance ramp. He wears his usual plumber's overalls and as usual his asscrack shows. He picks up a microphone and says, "You know what, Cain? Your mouth is leaky. I'm going to fix that for you next week and the only thing I'm going to charge you for that is that American championship belt hanging on your waist. It's going back to where it belongs. To a real champion. And, yeah, I can count to three, and I will be counting along with the referee but you need a geometry lesson son. I'm going to be on top and you're going to be on the bottom. I'm going to have you bent up like an Isosceles triangle. And when I hit you with The Plunger, you're going to need to know calculus to figure out where all your teeth went."
Cain snarls and seems on the verge of having a fit, but H.C. calms him down by whispering in his ear, and he smiles and picks up the microphone, "Those are some big words coming from you, PP. Here's some algebra. Me plus you equals you getting your ass kicked. You can run that equation for any variable you want and it's always going to have the same result."
The Plumber responds, "Oh, you want to talk some more math, huh? How about statistics, then? You have never won a match without outside interference. Your brother isn't going to help you for obvious reasons. And, as for your little girlfriend over there, well, I just got a stipulation added to the match so I don't think she's going to be able to help you."
"Why's that?" Cain says, looking worried.
"Because the two of us are going to be locked in a STEEL CAGE!!! So the probability of you winning our match and retaining the championship is about 0% I'd say. As always, keep your plumbing pumping! Toodles!"
As The Plumber waddles backstage, Cain is so upset that he starts chewing on turnbuckles until H.C. makes him count to ten in order to calm down.
Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel.
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