Blog Love Omega Glee: An Inadvertent Adam (9 December 2012)

In the darkness, masturbating furiously to the idea of having absolute control, Louis Carson Fir lies on the floor of the Oval Office. He ejaculates and not wanting to sully his new suit by using it or by trying to reach the box of tissues on the desk, he grabs the American flag by the desk and wipes himself up with it, and thinks that he's probably not the first occupant of this room to do that. He zippers and buttons himself back up and stands up, feeling much more relaxed. He looks out the windows at the night, then crosses the room to turn on the lights. Chess continues to bark from the closet Fir shoved her into the day before. He'd like to send her as a peace offering to North Korea, but "Dick" still needs all the help he can get winning the public over, so Fir suffers the dog's presence. He has enough problems to deal with that disposing of the dog eventually is far down the list. Clinton's still being a pain about giving up the vice-presidency. Anythingfora doesn't think the legal strategy of reholding the election will fly. Florida still hasn't finished handcounting their votes, but Ohio is about done with the recount and Fir's operatives tell him that, despite their best efforts to bury votes under piles of buckeyes, Polipo will likely be certified the winner. Fir's thought of declaring martial law but all the game theory computer simulations show even the apathetic American populace stirring and resisting in every variation run. "Some of those idiots are just waiting for an excuse to use their guns," Fir thinks and sighs.

Even letting Polipo have the presidency would be preferable to the anarchy predicted by the computer models. And Dick wore out the old false flag fake terror incidents and wars so those won't be able to work again until another generation comes of age, according to the intelligence experts. It might be time to go, to give it all up and retire in Los Angeles. Maybe he could woo an old flame or just cash in further in the corporate world, he ruminates. He crosses the office and stands in front of Dick. Fir can see himself reflected in the shiny metal of the machine. He taps on it and says, "Too bad you aren't in there. I could use some advice right about now."

Restless, he wanders over to the desk. Perhaps he'll eavesdrop on some random American's telephone conversation for fun. Most of the time they were so boring though.

Whir.

Fir turns at the sound and sees Dick's right arm raise up. Thinking he brushed a button on the remote control in his suit jacket, Fir digs out the control and lowers the arm back down. He sets the control down on the desk. Putting his hands behind his head and his feet up on the desk, he tries once again to see any means of holding on to the presidency.

Whir.

Fir's head turns like a racecar rounding a curve. Dick's right arm is raised again. Fir picks up the control and lowers it. Something must be malfunctioning, he thinks and is thankful it didn't happen in public.

Whir. Whir. Whir.

Fir jumps up and his mouth opens wide as he see Dick cross the office, snatch the remote control from the desk and dash it against a wall.

"Dick?" Fir says.

The machine doesn't say anything. It just wheels across to the closet and opens the door to let out the dog, which jumps against it barking.

"L.A., yep, L.A.," Fir thinks.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel.