"Wake up! I'm here to end your championship dreams!" The Prophet yells from the wrestling alarm clock Jake picked up in the toy section of Mart-Mart.
He presses the button again and this time it's The Cannibals who yell, "Get up! Unless you want to be for breakfast?!"
He chuckles and puts the alarm clock back on the shelf. He'd buy it, but he's actually trying to save money since both of his temporary jobs end this month. He wanders through the toy section wondering what he should get Francine for Christmas. She told him that she was a pagan and only celebrated the winter solstice quietly and that the exchanging presents holiday tradition was just capitalist ideology brainwashing people into being compliant consumers but he senses that she'd be disappointed if he didn't get her something.
But what?
Hmm . . . he thinks about buying her a new car battery. He had to drive her to work tonight since her car wouldn't start. That's how he ended up at Mart Mart anyway. And anytime he's there he can't resist checking out the wrestling action figures. It's like a sculpture gallery for poor people. Somehow he thinks that Francine wouldn't appreciate the wrestling alarm clock.
No one's perfect.
He wanders into the women's clothing section. Maybe he should buy her some lingerie or something. Then again, crotchless panties may give a new meaning to a stocking stuffer.
Save that stuff for Valentine's Day.
He wanders into the automotive section.
Who the hell wants a car battery for Christmas?
He leaves the automotive section.
Besides, if he bought her an expensive present, she might feel obliged to do the same, and Jake knows that Francine is also trying to watch her pennies right now.
Pennies! That's it! He decides to buy her a piggybank, and tries to figure out where in Mart Mart that would be stocked.
No! She's a woman. She might think he's trying to tell her that she's put on weight. He decides against the piggybank.
It's too bad one can't just giftwrap love, he thinks. However, Francine hates giftwrap and thinks it's a waste of a tree, so he decides against giftwrapping whatever he gets her.
Maybe he can just do something for her to show he's not materialistic.
No, she might think he's just cheap.
Jake realizes that even though he sleeps next to Francine every night, he still doesn't know her very well.
Maybe he'll call his sister and ask for her advice.
No, she'd just make fun of him.
In his wandering he ends up in the pharmacy section. He looks around at the health products and sees if any of them might do for a gift.
Toothpaste?
No.
Jake realizes that Francine might be off work by the time he finds a present, even though she won't be done with her shift for hours.
Hours! That's it! He decides to buy her a watch.
He wanders into the jewelry department, sees some engagement rings, gets nervous, and changes his mind.
Maybe he will buy that alarm clock.
Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel.
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