"You should see what your mom just sent me," Francine says, leaning around the stairs railing.
Jake looks up from reading the latest pamphlet ("How Intelligence Agencies & The Federal Reserve Neutered American Literature") Ringo sent Francine and gets up from the couch and follows Francine upstairs.
They go into Francine's room and Francine points at her computer, "She sent me an email forward. I usually ignore them because she sends about ten a day and most I've seen before, but this one caught my eye. Look at the subject line."
Jake bends down and peers at the screen, "The Bible Version 4.0, written by God and transcribed by Sue Falls?"
"I thought it was going to be a joke, you know, like an email about the benefits of growing older and then you read it and it says, 'Shit, I forgot what I was going to say.' but I think she's serious. It says, . . ."
Jake cuts her off, "I'll just read it."
"O. K.," Francine says and steps away from him.
Jake reads the email which says how God spoke to Mom and told her that the previous holy books had gotten obsolete and in any case were miswritten by men, so God chose her to be a prophet in hopes that a woman would get it right. God generally spoke to her through cats and houseplants, and yes, she knows she sounds nuts, but she's not. God wanted a new Bible that distilled all the essentials and could be sent around as a text message or on Twitter. She writes that the email forward version is special though since it has pictures. The new Bible reads "Be Kind" and has a picture of a little girl petting a kitten. Then it says "Do Good" and has a picture of Habitat For Humanity volunteers building a house. Then it says "Have Fun" and has a picture of puppies frolicking. It ends with "Don't Eat Shit" and has a picture of dog poop on a white dinner plate. Jake looks at Francine, "Is she nuts or is this a joke?"
"I don't know," Francine says, her right hand raised to her mouth and watching Jake carefully, "It actually is an improvement on the Bible. I mean it's not bad advice."
"God talking through the cats?"
"Well, it's not as attention grabbing as a burning bush."
"Houseplants?"
"Well, talking to plants is supposed to be good for them, so maybe God talking through them is like some kind of superfertilizer."
"I mean I know she was upset when I moved out, but I didn't think it would have this effect. I better go and see if she's all right before someone she sent this to tries to get her committed to an insane asylum."
"Well, living with your father would drive anyone crazy."
"Francine."
"Just saying."
"I can't believe this. On my one day off this week too. I was looking forward to a nice and quiet day."
"Jake."
"What?"
"Be kind."
Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel.
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