Blog Love Omega Glee: The Government Rips Off The Government (7 November 2012)

Drooling on the phone, half asleep, stuck in voicemail hell, listening to what sounds like a techno version of "Yankee Doodle", Jake thinks again that it was probably a bad idea to call the Board of Elections the day after an election. Finally though, a human picks up. He sounds irate, "Board of Elections. HOW MAY I HELP YOU!?"

Jake coughs and wipes the drool off the phone, "Hi, uh, my name's Jake Falls. I worked as a precinct judge yesterday over in Lackwood."

"Yeah, are the guy who took all the ballots?"

"Uh, no." Jake says, thinking the man probably means Bruce Goose, who stuffed a bunch of ballots down his pants, claiming to snap from the stress, and left for the day, winking at Jake, having told Jake earlier that this was his plan to get paid for a full day's work while only working a half morning.

"Then what are you calling about?"

"I just moved and I need to update my address."

"To vote?"

"Well, I need to do that too, but I was calling mainly to make sure my employment record was updated, so I'd get my check . . ."

"We do direct deposit. Your bank account didn't change, did it?"

"Uh, no."

"Then you should be all set. Is that it?"

"Uh, well, what about my W-2 form for taxes next year? I'm sorry I meant to tell this all to my presiding judge yesterday, but in the rush of things I forgot."

"W-2?"

"Uh, yeah. I mean yes."

"Ah, you don't have to worry about that. We don't send those out."

"You don't?"

"Nah. No one wants to do the paperwork."

"But don't we have to report that to the government?"

"Well, we're the county and they're the feds, but ultimately we all are the government, which means we can do whatever we want."

"So it's all right if I don't report this income on my tax return?"

"I'm not an accountant, bub. But if there's no W-2, there's no record, if you catch my drift. That it?"

"I guess that's it. You don't need my address?"

"Not only do I not need it. I don't want it. I worked a 36-hour day yesterday. I just want to sleep. Just make sure to send it along before next spring's primary election so we can hire you again. As long as you're not the guy who stuffed all the ballots down his pants. You're not him, right?"

"Right."

"Great! We'll no doubt want to hire you back if you don't piss me off by staying on the phone after I say bye. Bye."

Jake hangs up.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel.