Riding in the passenger seat of a Dashing Delivery Dudes van, Jake struggles to listen to what the driver, Lonnie, tells him over the blare of Nirvana on the radio. "What was that?" Jake says.
"For fuck's sake, are you deaf, kid?" Lonnie says, as he turns down the radio.
"Uh, no," Jake says, still feeling a bit weird wearing the tuxedo overalls of a Dude.
"Well, that's good," Lonnie says, turning the big steering wheel to the right, "Last year, I got stuck with a mute guy for my holiday helper. Let me tell you, I can't read sign language when I'm driving so we didn't have many interesting conversations. On the other hand, he never said anything dumb either. So, do you think the world's going to end in December?"
"Uh, I don't know. I hope not."
"I hope not either, because if it does and I spent the last few weeks of my life doing this fucking job, I'll be pissed," Lonnie says, grinning, "Say, you know if civilization collapses, you know who's going to be all right?"
"Nobody?"
"Wrong. We'll be fucked. No offense, but kids today don't know shit. You aren't going to survive a day without the Internet to tell you what to do. I used to go deer hunting. Now I just work overtime delivering packages to people. But I remember. I remember. I'd survive a couple of weeks without electricity, gas, water, and whatever we're used to getting piped into our homes. Then I'd be a goner too. There's only so much deer jerky I can eat before I want to die. But the Amish. The Amish will be all right. They're used to living without anything anyway. It might as well be the 19th century still as far as they're concerned, so they'll survive. The rest of us are going to be like Mad Max . . . you know, Mad Max, kid?"
"That's a movie, right?"
"Yeah, it's with Mel Gibson before he went nuts, and he's living in this crazy world after a nuclear war or whatever, and everybody's fighting for gasoline to keep their cars running, and for food, and for women, and I guess if you're a woman, then for men, and everybody's fighting for whatever, and the whole world's a wreck. That's what it'll be like if things fall apart. We'll all be trying to kill one another for the last candy bar, and the Amish will be carrying on like tomorrow. Maybe we should become Amish, what do you say?"
"Uh, I hate having a beard, so probably not."
"That's why you're a DDD. You're well-groomed. We'll be looking good for the apocalypse, huh?"
Unsure of what to say, Jake just says "Yeah," and Lonnie turns up AC/DC on the radio and sings along to "Back in Black," until he pulls the van over and says, "Here's our stop. I tell you one thing. It might be cool to be Amish after Armageddon or whatever, but I'm glad we're not now. Do you know why?"
"No rock and roll?"
"Well, that would stink too. But I was thinking of making our deliveries. It takes us all day as is. If we had to do it by horse and buggy, it'd take us all week. We'd never get done. Plus we'd have to stare at a horse's ass all day."
Jake now has something else to be thankful for tomorrow.
Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel.
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