At North's house, Jake watches Grapple Groove because, as North tells him for the third time, the guy North wrestled when he, not North, the guy he wrestled, was known as The Mississippi Maniac is making his WWWWWW debut tonight, except he's no longer known as The Mississippi Maniac; he's now known as "Ed Smith," which is his real name.
"'Ed Smith'? He thinks that's a better name than 'The Mississippi Maniac'?" Jake asks, twisting open one of the beers he brought.
"Probably not, but the WWWWWW can't trademark his real name and then say he can't use it after he leaves the company. If he were 'The Mississippi Maniac', they could," North asks, sipping on one of his disturbingly colored--this one a pastel orange with purple crunchies--protein shakes.
"Oh, they're doing that crap again? That stinks! I thought they learned their lesson last time when they sucked all the fun out of wrestling. They should just let the wrestlers have their intellectual property rights."
"What can I say? They're greedy folks."
"And you still want to work for them?"
"Yep! They're really the only game in town anymore when it comes to full-time wrestling. Shhhhh, commercial's over. This might be him."
The camera cuts in backstage on a beefy pasty guy with a red neck. He holds a globe and spins it while laughing like, um, a maniac.
The wrestler turns and faces the camera, "World champion? World champion! they say that The Waffle Warrior is the world champion, but I'd like to know who he's beaten from . . ."
He slaps the globe and it spins. He plunks a finger down, stopping the spin. He picks up his finger and looks at the place it landed. ". . . the Pacific ocean! Uh, hang on . . ."
He slaps. It spins. He plunks. He picks. He looks. ". . . Syria! Who's he ever beaten from Syria? Or from any of these little countries around the globe? Nobody! That's who! But he wants to call himself a world champion. It's laughable!"
The wrestler laughs maniacally for a while, then continues, "Well, Wafflehead, I'm coming for you! But unlike you, I am going to be a true world champion. I'm going to beat up people from around the world. Hell, I'm going to rough up whole countries. I'll wrestle the whole damn world if I have to!"
At this, he slams down the globe, but it just bounces and rolls into the corner. He sighs and goes and picks it up, "I'll wrestle the whole damn world if I have to!"
This time, the globe smashes on the ground, and the wrestler continues, "That's right! I'm going to wrestle the world. First up, Canada! I've had a beef against this country for years! One time while crossing the border the Mounties confiscated my porn stash! Something to do with it showing actual penetration! Well, Canada, I'll show you some penetration! Nobody takes my porn! So, Canada, consider yourself fairly warned, I'm coming up there to kick your ass, door to door if I have to, until you send me your champion so I can kick his ass!"
The wrestler ends the segment by laughing maniacally, then he trips over the remnants of the globe on his stompout and falls down.
Jake and North join in the laughter.
Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel.
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