Cannibal Number 2 is pouring syrup all over The Waffle Warrior on the television screen when Jake notices the distinctive black and white checked delivery van of the Dashing Delivery Dudes pull in front of the house. Jake doesn't remember ordering anything through mail order, but maybe one of his parents did. He goes to the front door and opens it and finds a middle-aged man with sandy hair wearing the distinctive tuxedo overalls of the Dudes looking at a tablet electronic device. The man looks up, "You Falls?"
"Um, yeah?"
"Get in the van," the man says, presses on his tablet and heads back to the van.
"Huh?"
The man looks back. "Look, kid, do you still want the job or not?"
"You aren't delivering a package?"
The man grunts, "I'm delivering shitloads of packages, kid. I'm delivering you a job though. We deliver everything but babies. If you want the job, get in. Otherwise, I've got about a dozen stops I want to get done before lunch."
"But nobody told me I had the job. I didn't know."
"I'll give you five minutes. But a Dashing Delivery Dude has to always be ready. Somebody somewhere is always waiting on a package, and it's up to us to get it to them. By the way, kid, find a new barber."
"Uh, OK."
"OK, what? Are you going to find a new barber or get in the van?"
"Um, both. Be right back," Jake says and grabs his sneakers from by the door."
"Right answer, kid," the man says, "Wear some boots, preferably steel-toed. You wouldn't want a microwave to fall on your tootsies and give them a boo-boo."
Jake throws the sneakers to the side, grabs his boots, throws on a jacket, says bye to the cats, runs out the door, remembers that he hasn't shut the wrestling DVD off, runs back in the door, shuts off the DVD player and tv, shuts the door, locks it, and runs over to the van, where the man opens up the rear door and shoves him in.
As he's about to shut the door, Jake says, "Wait! Don't I get a uniform?"
"Not yet. Maybe if you survive the initiation. Find me the Smith package for Morrison Ave," the man says as he shuts the door.
It's dim, but Jake looks among the piles upon piles of packages stacked haphazardly in the rear of the van, as the man gets in the front compartment, starts up the engine, and heads down the street.
As Jake bounces among the packages, he understands what it must feel like to be a ping pong ball.
Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel.
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