Bruce Goose reads the newspaper and rattles it loudly whenever he turns the page. He is far louder than the volume of the television that he and Jake are supposed to watch as they sit in a dusty corner office of the Board of Elections. On the television plays a video which instructs one in how to be a pollworker. Based on the hairstyles of the people who appear in the instructional video, it appears to have been filmed in the 1970s. Bruce points at an article in the paper, "Hey! Hey, Hank! Check this shit out!"
Jake turns from watching the video, which is going over how to teach voters how to use a pin to punch out paper chads, and says, "Bruce, we're supposed to be watching this."
"Ah, it's bullshit, Hank. They'll show us everything when we're there at the polls. They just do this because of some stupid regulation that says we need a certain amount of training time. So our supervisor gets to mark the box beside 'Watched Training Video' and we pretend to watch it, but you don't have to actually watch it. No one gives a shit, Hank. This is America. Besides, you wouldn't even be here right now if I hadn't tipped you off that the Board of Elections needed more pollworkers. You should be glad I remembered that I had your phone number. I figured you'd be fun to work with again. I think I was in this film actually. I play, the, uh, the guy who messes up his ballot or something. It's totally out of date. They have a brand new voting system now. Anyway, check this out, this chick shot up her workplace and it's on page 7. That's how often it happens anymore, somebody going nuts and going rat-a-tat-tat on their coworkers. It isn't even news anymore really. It makes me glad I don't have a regular job. I'm never anywhere long enough for somebody to want to shoot me. I get pretty bored with these mass shooters too. I wish they'd do something different just once, like get a shitload of pies, you know, apple, cherry, pumpkin, maybe banana cream. Do you like banana cream, Hank?"
Still trying to watch the video, Jake just nods.
"Me too. So anyway, I'd like one of this shoot-'em-up types to get a bunch of pies and just pie everyone in the face at the workplace. That's much more fun than shooting them. I mean it'd be messy and I wouldn't want a pie in the face out of nowhere, but it's better than a bullet, you know. You ever been shot, Jake?"
Giving up on the video, Jake looks at Bruce, who scratches his mustache, and says no.
"You're lucky. I was shot in the ass once when I was a kid. It was just a BB, but it stung. I'd much prefer a pie."
"Getting hit with a pie in the ass?"
"Yeah, I guess. Anywhere though. What's your favorite kind of pie, Hank?"
Before Jake can answer, Bruce continues, "Hey, how come you told that lady out there that your name was Jake? I thought your name was Hank."
"Uh," Jake says, thinks, and then says, "Blueberry."
"Blueberry? Your name's Blueberry now? You're one fucked up kid, Hank, but I like you. Hey, Hank, pull my finger."
Jake realizes that it is clearly going to be a long day at the Board of Elections.
Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel.
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