Sunday, October 10, 2010

Blog Love Omega Glee: It's Not An Identity Crisis; It's An Identity Opportunity (10 October 2012)

Having finished all his preparation for his next class, Jake wonders what to do. Normally, he'd surf the Web, or do a blog post, but having quit his blog (he writes a mental note on his brain whiteboard to officially delete it this weekend), he has some unexpected free time. He would visit Francine, but she's been obsessed by the presidential election and only surfaces from researching online to eat, so he decides not to exasperate her by bothering her again today. His parents aren't home yet from work and the cats are sleeping so deeply he wonders if they're deciding to hibernate for the winter. With an absence of stimulation in the house, he decides to take a stroll and see if the new Screed is out yet.

As he walks down a Lackwood street after retrieving the weekly newspaper--its cover has a closeup photograph of a voluptuous women's breasts in a bra with cows on it with a headline that reads "Got Milk?" which seems to connect to an article about how milk prices are going up because Ohio cows seem to be dying unexpectedly--he decides to see if North is home from work and turns at the corner to head to the West household.

As he nears North's house, he hears a honk and sees North in his green Yubarelygo pulling up beside him. Jake runs over to the car and pretends to drop an elbow on the hood, to which North responds by rolling down his window and yelling a Ric Flair woooooooooo!

"Get in, brother!" North says in his best Hulk Hogan, and unlocks the passenger door.

Brother gets in.

"So I emailed Ed."

"Ed?" Jake says.

"Ed. Ed Smith, the guy I wrestled who's now in the WWWWWW."

"Oh, Ed."

"Do you think about anything but Francine these days?"

"Huh? What did you say?"

"Never mind. Anyway, I asked him about why he was wrestling under his real name instead of 'The Mississippi Maniac, and he emailed me back and said that he's going to be wrestling under both names."

"Both names?'

"Yeah, he's going to wear a confederate flag colored Mexican wrestling mask when he's the Maniac."

"Isn't that going to be kind of hard wrestling twice the same night?"

"He thinks he can do it. He told me if he keeps changing his identity, he'll make more money by selling more merchandise."

"How does he expect to sell more merchandise by changing his identity?"

"He said that he'd have a new action figure every time he changed his identity."

Jake shrugs, "I guess that's true. Did he say anything else?"

"Yeah, he said all the travel was rough and since he has two characters he has twice the wardrobe of anyone else which makes flying a drag. But he found a solution."

"What's that?"

"He's going to wrestle naked when he's the Maniac. Except for the mask, of course."

"They won't let him wrestle naked."

"He said management is into it. Ratings are down and they're on cable anyway."

"But what will his opponents think?"

"I don't know, but they'll think twice before giving him a piledriver, that's for sure."

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel.

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