"I have to admit that the bear that I wrestled smelled better than some of my human opponents," Jake reads in the new Benito Crimeinthealli biography.
Jake leans against the bookcase in the sports section of Bukowski's Books And Beers, the last remaining warehouse-sized suburban big box superstore in the Cleaveland area (in fact, only the beer side of the store keeps it afloat--tipsy, but afloat). He had some time to while away between his office hours at the western branch of the community college and his class in the evening at the high school, so he decided to swing by to have a brew (coffee--no beer for the nervous novice teacher) and a browse of the latest wrestling books. He closes the book after the third time a bookstore employee coughs loudly while pointlessly organizing the already organized golfing books on the bookcase next to the wrestling books.
Jake takes the hint, closes the book, and reshelves it. He'd purchase it but he's trying to save money. In any case, next year the paperback edition will be cheaper and have an extra chapter updating the wrestler's life. Taking a sip of coffee, Jake wanders off to another section of the store as the employee--underpaid, undersexed, underemployed--seemingly rushes to fill the vacuum of air left by Jake in front of the wrestling bookshelf.
In the magazine section, Jake makes his way to the sports section and roots through the wrestling magazines. He picks up one with Crimeinthealli on the cover, probably promoting his biography. In the picture, Crimeinthealli is wearing his red, white, and green flag of Italy speedostyle wrestling trunks and a copious amount of body grease, while posing down in a crouched muscle flex that looks somewhat like he is enraged and somewhat like he just is constipated. Fearful of more stalking by bookstore employees as well as worried about being late for class, Jake scoops the magazine up and heads to the register.
A middle-aged white woman with short red hair greets Jake cheerfully and attempts to sell him a six-pack to go. Jake declines and hands the woman his magazine. She looks at the cover, looks at Jake, looks at the cover, and looks back at Jake.
Finally, Jake says, "What?"
"Nothing," the woman says as she finally scans the barcode of the magazine, "It's just that I thought they had stopped selling pornography after that incident last month."
"It's not pornography; it's a wrestling magazine."
The woman looks at the magazine again before stuffing it in a plastic bag, "Oh, so it is. My apologies, I thought it was gay muscle porn. It must have been the half-naked man on the cover that threw me off."
She hands the bag to Jake, who takes it, and says, "Uh, I'm not gay."
"Of course, dear," she says, then leans in and whispers, "If you do want some porn though, just let me know. I've started a sideline in it on my own now that the store doesn't carry it anymore."
"Uh, thanks," Jake says, "I'll keep that in mind, I guess."
"Have a great day!" she says, then whispers, "Enjoy your 'wrestling magazine'" making rabbit ear quotes with her fingers.
Next time, Jake will buy his wrestling magazines by male, er, mail order.
Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.
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