Sunday, February 21, 2010

Blog Love Omega Glee: The History Of Civilization Ends On A Golf Course (28 August 2012)

On a hot tip from Dad and also to get Dad to stop asking "Did you find a job yet?" every evening, Jake got hired at the local golf course as a starter, which as far as he can tell based on his first day there means he punches tickets of golfers before they head out on the course, sweeps the walkway of dust, and gets yelled at by golfers when they finish because they had a lousy round of golf. Seeking some shade and privacy after being yelled at by an elderly golfer on the walkway because of Jake's broom-sweeping form, Jake tosses the broom aside and sits down on the bench in the starter shack, a wooden structure seemingly hammered together by a drunken carpenter. A couple of minutes later, when a friendly-looking black dog wanders up, Jake gets up and leaves the shack. "Hi, pooch, how are you?" Jake says and sticks out his left hand for the dog to sniff.

The dog sniffs Jake's hand, and Jake starts to pet the dog. A moment later, a loud pop pops and a flare shoots by Jake's face. The dog takes off running, ruining a golfer's shot on hole 10. Mr. Imaslob, the elderly owner of the golf course pulls up in a golf cart customized with red racing stripes and the slogan "When I Die, I'm Going To The 19th Hole" on it, "Fuck! What the fuck is fucking wrong with your fucking generation?! We're trying to get rid of the dogs on the course. Idiots drop off their strays here all the time. The goose shit I need to clean up from the damn illegal alien Canadian geese is bad enough; I don't need dog shit all over the grounds too. Don't pet the damn strays!"

With that piece of advice, Mr. Imaslob floors the gas, er, electric on his golf cart and careens off after the dog. He fires another flare into the back nine, terrifying a foursome of middle-aged men.

Jake watches Mr. Imaslob chase the dog down near the putting green, where they disappear from sight. His cell phone rings. Jake ducks inside the shack, hoping it is Francine. It's a local number he doesn't recognize. He answers the phone, "Hello."

"Hi, is this Jake Falls?" a grumpy male voice asks.

"Yes, this is him, er, he."

"You sent a c.v. awhile back for a history position at the county community college. Are you still interested in the position?"

"Uh, yes."

"When could you start?"

"You know, I could come in for an interview anytime."

"Oh, yes, we'll need to do an interview at some point, but the class, a section of History Of Civilization I at Lackwood High School, that you would be teaching actually starts tonight. In fact, it starts in about two hours. Would that be a problem?"

Another flare flies past the shack, shortly followed by the dog and Mr. Imaslob, screaming more obscenities, in his golf cart, racing by. Out of flares, Imaslob hurls the flare gun at the dog, who nimbly ducks it and turns around to pick up the hot dog dropped by a stunned woman golfer coming out of the snack bar. The dog and the dog disappear into the parking lot.

"No, that won't be a problem at all," Jake says, leaving the starter shack, "In fact, I could use some civilization right about now."

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.

0 comments:

Post a Comment