Conventioned out from last week's Democratic National Convention in town, Francine has little interest in blogging about the Republican National Convention, which started today in Salt Lake City, but she is delighted to receive a surprise phone call from Evil Journalista on the convention floor.
"Francine, this is Evil Journalista. I'm neckdeep in a war profiteer tea party here in Salt Lake, and I refuse to drink the Kool-Aid, er, tea. Pardon the mixed metaphors, but, just to cope with this madhouse, I took some prescription drugs that weren't prescribed to me."
"Wow! You sound a lot younger than I imagined. Forgive me, but I always thought you were male too."
"That's the voice modification app I'm running on my phone. Can't be too careful these days. I'm guessing that any spy listening in won't be too interested in what a five-year-old girl has to say. Anyway, this convention is a nightmare. I've never been bored and terrified at the same time, but somehow between the Republicans and the Mormons, this speedball of emotion has happened to me. Be glad that you're not here. There was a brief hint of excitement earlier, when some delegates talked of mutiny and tossing Dick off the ticket, but they all seemed to come down with a bad case of sniffles since then so that talk has pretty much vanished."
"He is pretty far down in the polls, isn't he? Even announcing Poorpeople as his running mate last week only gave him a brief tick upwards. I'd say that I can't see how he can win, except I know that the electronic voting machines probably have already tallied the results for a Dick landslide on Election Day. But, in reality, he's what, fourth?"
"Right, he's behind Polipo, O'Couscous, and Freedom Lovemoney, the Libertarian candidate, but Dick's really third because Lovemoney has already agreed to drop out of the race and throw support to Dick. Dick wants to make it look like he at least has a statistical chance of winning, so he'll have a plausible reason to cite for his come from behind victory. It's pretty much a done deal, but Lovemoney's just waiting for his popularity to crest. They're supposedly offering him a dollar a projected vote, and he's holding out in the best free market way until he's sure to make more from dropping out than he would from being president for four years."
"So much for ideals, huh?"
"Ideals don't pay the rent, but dollars do, Lovemoney would probably say, but in any case, they're keeping the whole deal hush-hush. Lovemoney'll just have a family crisis in a couple of weeks and drop out for personal reasons. Another oddity about this convention is that I've noticed that there are not that many whores in this town, especially considering its size, so I think the Republicans will have to fly in some of their own in order to keep all the delegates happy. What's it come to in America when prostitutes are in short supply? I'm going to dig into that story personally. Everything else here is pretty much stage-managed and public-relationed as you'd expect. I'm thinking of running around and turning all the microwaves in the building on when Dick talks just to see if that has any effect on his soft drink vending machine body. Plus I'll need the excitement by that point."
"Turning on microwaves is exciting?"
"You aren't in Salt Lake City during the Republican National Convention, Francine. You wouldn't understand my desperation for entertainment. Well, I've got to go. The former governor of Alaska is about to give a speech, and I want to count the number of words she uses that have multiple syllables. Bye, Francine."
Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.
Posts
15 hours ago
0 comments:
Post a Comment