Blog Love Omega Glee: A Screed In A Screed (16 August 2012)

Every week Francine read the weekly alternative newspaper The Cleaveland Screed, so out of sentimentality Jake walks a few blocks from his parents' house to the nearest delivery box, a beaten hunk of painted white metal with a windowed and springed door and "Screed" written on the sides as if a three-year-old were given a crayon and a tab of LSD.

When Jake reaches the box, he wipes his sweaty brow and opens up the door. On the cover of this week's edition is a Pere Ubu 8-track tape with the headline "Hipsters Resurrect 8-Tracks In Latest Retro Craze. Is Polio Next?" Jake scoops the top copy out. As he does so, a black and white photocopied zine falls out of the middle of the newspaper onto the sidewalk. Jake picks it up. Stapled in the top left corner, it appears to be far less glossy than the usual advertising supplements Screed includes. Jake flips through it to find that it is basically a dense wad of text occasionally interrupted by sloppy cut and paste visuals of scenes from 1970s television situation comedies such as Different Strokes and Three's Company. Jake opens the newspaper vending box again and picks up another copy of Screed. It has no advertising supplement, nor do any of the other copies. Jake shrugs and takes the strange publication home along with his copy of Screed.

At home, he reads the weird publication, which seems to have no title. Instead, it's just a rant that seems to already have been started before the first page of the publication and which doesn't seem to end on the last page. It starts with asking "Why aren't there any Christian movies these days?" then the subject shifts to racism, though Jake can't tell if the writer is arguing against or for racism, then it goes onto some daft theory of existence itself, which is completely incomprehensible. The whole manifesto of malarkey is filled with such lines as "Grandma would flip", "It's A Wonderful Life stars British James Stewart", "Why do actors never pray, or read the Bible?", "Am I to trust what's available at my government owned library?" "REASON, LOGIC--For example, U probably know that our gov't wants 'gun control'. But if U dial 9-11, it'll take the police (at best) 10 minutes to get to your house, in which case, an intruder will kill U. About 9 & a half min. too late! THINK!", "If I befriend prostitutes, it'll affect my REPUTATION (& that's not fair to me)", and "U CAN WALK OUTSIDE NAKED. PEOPLE WILL STARE, LOOK & POINT AT U". Consequently, the damn thing makes little sense. But aside from suspecting that a person with mental illness created it and stuck it in a Screed for someone to find (no contact information is listed for the writer), Jake finds the reading experience fairly entertaining. "Francine would love this!" Jake thinks, then grows sad.

He reads Screed next and decides that Screed would be much improved if they hired the manifesto writer to write a column.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.

Blog Love Omega Glee: Congressional Representative Waffles On Voter Implants After Pancake Battering (15 August 2012)

To take her mind off Jake, Francine has immersed herself in blogging with a fervor not seen since last November's blogathon in which she stayed up forty-eight hours straight and near the end blogged such gibberish as "I sleepy ha ha ha. 2 hour to go until end of blogathon" and "dsjklfhds vdskmgfk gfds,kjgfdsfdsmuasx fkdsfbgfi;.kewp'/h['jpdermgb;gblefvs LOL! LOL! LOL! SOS! SOS! SOS!"

At the moment, her favorite political story to follow and post commentary about is the rancorous reception to Dick's idea that all voters should have implants in their wrists to verify their identity and prevent voter fraud. Not only has the tinfoil hat brigade responded in alarm as expected, but unexpectedly so have most voters. At first, Republican members of Congress marched in lockstep as usual with the president to sell the idea, as did spineless Democrats. Even most Democrats who opposed the idea generally opposed it only because they wanted a) to make sure the implants would be implanted by federal employees and not private contractors and b) the implants should be union made in the USA. But after a few protests at town hall meetings held during the August recess of Congress, opposition to the implant idea in Congress has already grown more fierce. Particularly after Rep. Kevin Corporatewhore (R-Neanderthal) was attacked physically by a mob at his annual pancake breakfast fundraiser, support for the implant idea in Congress dropped like a campaign promise after an election. For, despite being safely gerrymandered into one of the politically most conservative districts in the entire country, Corporatewhore's refusal at the town hall pancake breakfast to disavow support for the implant idea spurred the usual bored grandmothers and grumpy old men who attend such a boring event to manhandle Corporatewhore, strip him of his expensive suit paid for by corporate lobbyists, dip and smear him in pancake butter and syrup, and dump powdered sugar and blueberries on him, before leaving him unconscious in the parking lot to be swarmed by yellowjackets, ants, and other insects attracted to such a sweet treat. It was a modernday tarring and feathering, a practice not seen in that area of the country since a carpetbagger tried to abscond with the county's prize two-headed rooster shortly after The Civil War ended. Atavistically revived with enthusiasm, the tradition appears to be spreading across the country like . . . something that spreads across the country quickly--OK, I'll say it. Wildfire!--terrifying other members of Congress away from supporting the implant idea as well as from holding any town hall pancake breakfasts.

Donuts and coffee seem a bit safer.

From his hospital bed, Corporatewhore now leads the Republican opposition to voter implants.

And also pancakes.

He also claims that, despite plenty of evidence in statements to the press and on video interviews to the contrary, he has always opposed the implant idea, and that the crowd that day misunderstood him due to perhaps their hearing aids malfunctioning or a sugar frenzy from the fritters. But he will forgive them as long as they vote for him in November, and next time remember that he only likes butter on his pancakes, and not his pancakes on him.

Clearly, Dick's implant idea is designed to implement electoral fraud, not prevent it. It is just the latest evolution of such ratfucking as dropping registered voters likely to vote for one's opponent off the rolls by hiring a database company to loosely find any name similar to a felon's, using electronic voting machines to transfer votes for an opposing candidate to one's favored candidate, and distributing flyers to minority and poor areas informing voters that "Due to increased voter interest in this election, voting will be held over two days. Republicans vote on Tuesday. Democrats and Independents vote on Wednesday."

Considering that aside from the surface, the essential difference between Democrats and Republicans is infinitesimal (where a Republican might bar Medicare from purchasing in bulk drugs from pharmaceutical companies, a Democrat might also bar Medicare from purchasing in bulk but demand that the companies cut their prices 2%, with the result still being that the government and, ultimately, taxpayers are vastly overcharged for little reason other than to keep the campaign contributions and future lobbying jobs flowing to the politicians). Consequently, Francine is always amazed at the lengths the two parties will go to screw over the other, exceeded only by their internal squabbling and when they briefly unite to squelch any serious third party threat. Both major parties ultimately work for the same rich people and corporations. She supposes it is merely a point of pride with them, as in which sports team wins a game. But effectively the only real losers are the citizens.

For real change, maybe the country needs more pancake breakfasts like Rep. Corporatewhore's.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.

Blog Love Omega Glee: Offline, Powerless, And Queasy (14 August 2012)

Looking for work again--that is when he's not obsessively visiting Francine's blog to see if she's added anything new to it--Jake goes to turn on the computer in the morning. He pushes the start button. It lights up, but the lights go out and nothing else happens.

He pushes it again. This time, the lights don't even go on.

He sighs and gets beneath his desk and fiddles with the surge protector. It seems to be working so he unplugs and replugs the computer.

He stands up, dusts off his knees, and presses the start button again.

It lights up, but the lights go out and nothing else happens.

He pushes the start button several hundred times, while nothing happens except the click of the button being pushed in and then snapping back.

Oh, this sound is also accompanied by the sounds of Jake swearing loudly. Fortunately, no one else is home to see his semi-nervous breakdown, except for the cats, who gather around him and watch the proceedings with interest.

He unplugs the computer and disconnects all of the many cables and cords attached to it and takes off the side of the case. The cats follow him downstairs as he roots around for a can of compressed air, then follow him upstairs while he curses, holding the can in front of him like a talisman to ward off the evil demons that break computers.

He sprays the can of compressed air at the computer's innards and hordes of cat hair and dust fly out. He collects the do not compute kaka and brushes it into the wastebasket. He looks to see if anything else seems amiss inside the computer. It doesn't, so he puts the side of the case back on, reattaches the cables and cords to the computer, and plugs it back in.

He pushes the start button. It lights up, but the lights go out and nothing else happens.

He screams.

It's probably the power supply, he thinks. He could go buy one and install it himself. It should run him about fifty bucks. Of course, if it's something else, then he'll have just wasted fifty bucks, or if he installs it wrong he can ruin the rest of the computer. The cats follow him downstairs as he roots around for the phone book, then follow him upstairs with the book while he curses, holding the phonebook in front of him like a talisman to ward off all the charlatans who overcharge to fix computers.

The first computer repair shop is closed on Wednesdays.

The second computer repair shop is booked up until next week.

The third computer repair shop says they can look at it today under their emergency service which is a hundred bucks minimum for labor.

He drives the computer over there.

It needs a new power supply.

A hundred fifty bucks and two hours later, he arrives back home while the cats watch him reattach cables and cords and curses to the computer.

It works!

However, there are no responses to his job applications in his email and Francine hasn't updated her blog, but at least he feels connected again and can update his blog.

But, now that he's finished cursing, he has little else to say.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.

Blog Love Omega Glee: The Dangers Of Falling Asleep On The Couch (13 August 2012)

Apparently, it's a good week for things breaking, for Francine has broken up with Jake, and now she's breaking up with her air conditioner as well. Slapping it on the side probably isn't going to get it to work again, but it does make Francine feel better. This window unit is ready to be thrown out the window.

Francine counts to ten and breathes deeply. While doing so, she sweats some more from the nighttime heat. Tired of roasting upstairs, she grabs a pillow and heads downstairs where it might be a tad cooler. She can't sleep in this heat anyway, so maybe she'll watch some bad television.

She's been watching a lot of bad television lately. Movies on Lifetime have never been so appealing to her as during the past few days. Men are evil, except for that one special sweetheart, and women are good, except for that one special meanheart. Even though she could usually guess the rest of the plot of the movie within the first ten minutes of watching it, she continued to watch it just to see if she was right.

She usually was.

Was she right in breaking things off with Jake?, she wonders.

She doesn't answer herself and turns on the television instead. She lies on the couch and flips through the channels and, of course, somehow ends up on Lifetime. The movie, Daddy's Little Squirrel, is already in the middle. It seems to be about a young widower who is so obsessed with teaching his pet squirrel how to waterski that he neglects his daughter. The daughter grows up and becomes a serial killer and serial monogamist. When the father remarries, his new wife, also a squirrel enthusiast, becomes suspicious of her new stepdaughter, who seems to leave a trail of broken bodies and broken hearts wherever she goes. The climatic scene occurs at Sea World when the daughter attempts to sabotage her father's new squirrel watersports show. The wife foils it and the family have a tearful reconciliation while the daughter is led off to prison and therapy. The movie ends happily with the family's trained squirrels jumping on waterskis through hoops of fire balanced on a whale's nose.

Feeling sleepy, Francine turns off the television before the next movie, The Supermodel In Supermax, begins, and falls asleep on the couch.

A few hours later, birds tweeting and the sun's rays wake her a bit. She rolls over and tries to go to sleep. She hears a door open and opens her eyes to see Masani come out of Donald's room and slip upstairs.

Francine shakes her head and makes sure she's awake. Masani coming out of Donald's room at this hour of the morning? Masani coming out of Donald's room at this hour of the morning!

You go, girl!

"Wait until I tell Jake about this!" Francine thinks.

Then she remembers that she's not talking to Jake currently.

It figures. Finally, some good gossip and no one to gossip to.

Before she can be depressed, she turns on the television. After all, they might be rerunning Daddy's Little Squirrel and she can catch the beginning part she missed last night.

Ice cream would be good right now too so she heads to the freezer.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.

Blog Love Omega Glee: Mom Starts Writing A New Bible (12 August 2012)

Jake's mom sits in front of the computer in the study. She stops playing Minesweeper and opens up Word Up!, the hip-hop word processing program. She stares at the blingy blank screen and thinks about writing a new Bible. She had that strange dream with the cats a couple of weeks ago, and ever since then she's had the itch to write. The cats haven't spoken to her since though, other than moments such as Monique meowing at her when she opened a can of tuna for dinner one night, nor has she seen any burning bushes or pillars of smoke or whatever dictating to her any prophecies or commandments.

She thought about going to church to see if God would speak to her there. She hasn't gone to church in years but always claims to miss going. Jake has been moping around the house all weekend, depressed over his breakup with Francine, and she even suggested to him that they go to church to cheer him up and maybe he could meet a nice girl there. Fortunately, he said no, so she didn't have to go.

She loves church. She just never goes. That's because it's boring, but she'll never admit that, other than continually finding reasons to stay away from it mass after mass. And she's not the only one. Church attendance has dropped. The core of the village moved long ago from the cathedral to the shopping center, and we gather to worship at half-price sales, or, too lazy to even leave home, at the altar of the television, seeking communion while simultaneously keeping our distance. Mom wonders if that's one of the reasons the world seems more messed up these days. Or maybe it isn't. Maybe it's always been messed up, but we're much better informed about it these days with the advances in communication technology.

Still, maybe a new Bible is needed. Maybe the old holy texts are outdated, relics of different times. And why shouldn't she be the one to write it? She's gotten enough email forwards from her friends that she has a good grip on what people want and need. Maybe she can even get it published and maybe Oprah will pick her book as the new book club pick. Wouldn't that be exciting to meet Oprah!?

If not, she can always ask Jake to help her put up on a blog. That seems to be what people read these days anyway.

"Meow!" Monique announces her entrance into the study with a loud cry, followed shortly by another , and then another. Mom reaches down to pet her. Something in Mom's back pulls though and she groans. She pats her lap and tells the cat, "You're going to have to jump up here. If I bend over to pick you up, I might not make it back up."

The striped gray and white tiger tabby looks from side to side, meows once more, turns around, turns back around, and then, with a tail twitch or two, leaps onto Mom's lap. Mom pets her and she starts to purr. Together they face the blank screen. "What should I write?" she asks the cat.

"Meow!" the cat says.

"Hmm . . . that's not much help."

The cat leaps off and settles nearby next to a filing cabinet. Mom wonders what a new Bible should include. Well, it definitely needs more female characters. There are some strong ones in The Bible, but not enough of them. Instead, it's one male hero or prophet after another. Half the human race is female, however, so she's going to give the women more than supporting roles this time. She's tired of women only being defined in relation to men. I mean, look at this book, she's referred to as Jake's mom most of the time and not Sue. And no more of letting those old men have ten wives and twelve concubines and Lot having sex with his daughters and God being hunky-dory with it and stuff. Those sick male fantasies have got to go. It's going to be independent women and nice monogamous romances instead.

Minorities too. Instead of the Hebrews killing off the enemy tribes because they were different or the Romans or Egyptians enslaving other nations just because they could, the new Bible would be more tolerant and inclusive. No more hassling gay people because they aren't being fruitful and multiplying either.

And stories. Stories are a must. She's read the holy texts that are little more than a list of dos and donts. Boring. The morals have to be in there. That's one of the major points of a holy text, but slipping them in through a story makes them more likely to take root. No puzzling allegories though. No cursing of poor fig trees just because they didn't have a fig when Jesus wanted a snack.

Hmm . . . a nice cover with a handsome Jesus on it like an image on a classy romance novel would be good too. Those all black covers were a bit dour.

And bullet points! The Bible will be much improved with bullet points when there is a need for a list, Sue thinks.

Explanations are also in order. No more of this mysterious ways stuff. Why are we here and what are we doing?

Hmm . . . now if she can only figure that out, she'll start writing.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.

Blog Love Omega Glee: Who Picks Up The Garbage After The Revolution? (11 August 2012)

Downtown, on her way to work, Francine is still a bit crabby, wondering if she did the right thing by breaking it off with Jake. To cheer herself up, she stops by a political rally for The Reformed Reform Party being held near the convention center. Most of the crowd of people are older white people dressed in red, white, and blue, but there is also a sizable contingent of "patriot bikers" wearing black leather with silver to match their motorcycles. On stage, an old white male politician who was once in Congress pounds the podium and talks about the need for a new American Revolution.

In the grass, Francine picks up a flyer listing the party's platform, most of which (health care reform, paying off the national debt, balancing the budget, ending the wars, energy independence, protecting the environment, ending wasteful government programs, and so forth) she roughly agrees with. In fact, though the party is more or less conservative politically, their concerns and priorities are about the same as the progressive parties who also occasionally gather downtown for rallies. As far as Francine can tell, the only difference really between most of the conservative and progressive minor parties nowadays is a disagreement over how to pay for all these things. The progressives own up that taxes will have to pay for all these wonderful promises to come true, whereas the conservatives always claim the magic of the marketplace will make things happen.

After listening to a couple of speakers, Francine realizes that mainly The Reformed Reform Party exists to complain about taxes. Now Francine hates taxes too, but she knows that roads and libraries and defense and all the other little things government does to keep society running don't come for free. She likes to keep taxes to a minimum, but they seem to be the best way to pay for society. Despite her libertarian bent, she still can't envision privitizing every road and street and then having to stop and pay a toll every block to whomever maintains it.

An older white woman with the face of a retarded cherub approaches Francine and asks her to sign a petition to get the party's presidential candidate on the ballot in Ohio. Francine gladly agrees in the spirit of offering more choices to voters in the fall, but can't resist asking the woman a question, "So, maam, assuming your man gets in and after the revolution and all that, who picks up the garbage?" Francine gestures at some of the trash scattered on the grass.

"Excuse me?" the woman says.

"You know, after the revolution, when we're all free and equal and all, who picks up the garbage? You know, like the trash. If there are no taxes paying for it, then does a private company do it, and if so, how do we know they aren't just trying to make a higher profit by dumping it in the lake or something instead of disposing of it properly? And, if we're all free in this new democracy and economics no longer dictates our lives' boundaries, then are there really that many people into picking up garbage that they'll volunteer to do it, or do we have to draw straws to see who does what?"

"Uh, I don't know. I don't understand what you mean. Maybe check the party website," the woman says, and heads onto the next person, who is a homeless guy Francine often sees in the alley behind Yaws, for a petition signature.

Francine isn't sure herself what she means exactly, but she's pretty sure that if she ever leads a revolution, she's going to figure out what to do with the garbage before it piles up, and not after.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.

Blog Love Omega Glee: And They All Died Miserably Right Then (10 August 2012)

What do you do when the world ends and you somehow survive? Or your world ends anyway, unexpectedly, all those daily dreams and hopes for the future, the vague plan you were following and which seemed to be unfolding before you, until it all ran into a mountain and shattered?

You go on, of course, a bit rattled, perhaps teetering from side to side on occasion, but time moves you along no matter how much you'd prefer to stand still and examine how things went wrong.

For Jake, this means that in the morning he gets up and does his usual fussing about and makes his way to work, where, as usual, he has plenty of time to stare at a tan cubicle wall. Here, he, in fact, gets his autopsy wish, for, setting aside his habitual reading, he stares at the wall and analyzes what happened to his relationship with Francine, which seemed, from his perspective at least, to be proceeding merrily merrily and gently and gently down the stream of life to Andtheylivedhappilyeverafterland. Instead, Jake realizes he had merely rowed himself a bit faster along a dream that ended near a waterfall where the relationship came crashing down on the rocks below and instead of living happily ever after, they all died miserably right then.

But worse than that, Jake thinks, idly twirling a paperclip through the fingers of his right hand and occasionally tapping it on the desk, how could he have once again ruined things? The woman of his dreams had once more kicked him awake and out of her life. First Jackson, now Francine. "What's wrong with me?" Jake wonders.

He goes down in the bathroom and looks in the mirror. The usual head and body greet him in the mirror. Jake remains fond of the way he looks: Dark hair, proportioned face, the cute little mole on his cheek that he sometimes worries will turn cancerous, and so forth. He has all his limbs even! Just like everyone else does of themselves, Jake thinks of himself as above average in every way.

Maybe it is his personality? No, he tries to be nice to everyone. He can't think of where he went wrong with Francine.

Maybe it was her?

No, that would imply that Jake had bad judgment in getting involved with her in the first place.

Maybe the fact that he's unemployed?

Hmm . . . Francine doesn't come across as very materialistic, but maybe deep down she craves a provider in an evolutionary psychology sort of way.

However, she did once tell him that evolutionary psychology was all masculinist bullshit.

Jake's stomach sinks as he turns away from the bathroom mirror and leaves the restroom. Perhaps it was his interest in wrestling that drove her away?

No, she knew that about him from the beginning so it couldn't have been that.

Hmm . . . although what might have first seemed quirky and cool might have upon longer exposure come across as juvenile and obsessive.

Maybe he should give up on wrestling or he might have to give up on women.

Maybe he should try to win back Francine somehow and convince her that he really does love her. How could he do that?

Well, considering that today is his last day of the temp job, maybe getting a job might be a good start, Jake decides.

He'll work his way up to weaning himself off wrestling . . . or women. Unless he can find a nice woman wrestler. He wonders if North knows any.

"No," he sighs as he sits down at his desk, "I miss Francine."

His emotions are in a crossface chickenwing, but he's not going to tap out just yet.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.

Blog Love Omega Glee: Lovers' Quarrel: Two Out Of Three Falls (9 August 2012)

Since Francine hasn't answered any of Jake's calls or emails, he stops over her house after work.

She doesn't answer the door. He hears her shouting his name though, so he leaves the porch and walks around the side of the house where Francine leans out her bedroom window on the second floor, "What do you want, Jake?"

Jake looks up, squinting, "I just want to talk. I don't understand what's wrong."

"Well, you never listen to me, so I don't understand why you want to talk with me all of a sudden. Hang on a second. Wait right there please."

Jake waits, assuming that Francine will appear downstairs in a moment. Instead, a wrestling magazine hits him on the head, and falls to the ground. Jake looks down and sees it flip open to a page with a photograph of Jack "Hot Stuff" Pepper placing Lew "Life Of The Party" Zsyrjba in a full nelson sometime in the 1960s. "You forgot this here last week," Francine says, appearing in the window again.

"Uh, thanks," Jake says.

"Listen, I've thought about things and I like you and all, but I think I'm still not ready to be in a relationship again. I won't give you the 'let's be friends' speech, but that's basically it," she says.

Feeling his heart rise up through his chest and up the back of his throat so that his molars can chew on it, Jake says, "What's going on? I don't understand."

"I don't either. It just doesn't feel right. I like being independent and I was starting to feel myself becoming just an accessory for a man and I didn't like it. Before things got ugly, I decided to go back to being independent. It's not like we were going to get married or anything, right?"

"Uh," Jake says.

"Right, so this is probably for the best. We had some fun and now the course has been run. Let's skip the bad stuff and call it quits now. I was already starting to resent things a bit, then you'd start resenting me, and before you know it we'd both be miserable. I was already starting to resent things a bit, then you'd start resenting me, and before you know it we'd both be miserable and probably end up on a trashy television talk show where'd you tell me that you'd been having an affair with a female midget wrestler, or we'd end up in a domestic dispute involving the S.W.A.T. team."

"Uh. But, but I love you, Francine."

"Well, you think you do, but that's probably just a mixture of lust and loneliness that you're calling love. I know; I've felt the same thing."

"You love me, but you don't want to see me anymore? That doesn't make any sense."

"Well, you know how in wrestling, it's a fake fight, and the good guy and bad guy don't really hate each other, and are really working together? And, how politics works mostly the same way, with fake fights to show off for the suckers who believe? Well, this isn't a fake fight like that. This is real life. In this case, we have two people who like, maybe even love one another, and they're fighting for real because maybe one of them started to get used to being around the other, and didn't treat her as well as before, and that person's been down that road before and she's not interested in a return visit, so she's jumping out of the car and rolling away. Sure, she'll be a little scratched up and probably have to walk home, but at least she'll know she didn't just repeat the same mistake. At least she knows that she learned something."

"I'm, I'm sorry," Jake stammers.

"You're still probably not as sorry as you're going to be in the future," Francine says and leaves the window before she can't resist the urge to run down there and comfort the crying puppy dog down in the driveway.

Jake waits for her to come down.

She doesn't.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.

Blog Love Omega Glee: A Coffeehouse Conversation About Whether Or Not God Believes In Us (8 August 2012)

"Uh, oh, Tom and Larry are here," Francine says, as she and Jake enter Caffeine Eden, "Do you want to go somewhere else?"

"It's Lackwood, there really isn't anywhere else to go," Jake says, looking around the coffeeshop, "Besides, there are plenty of open tables. We'll just sit as far away from them as possible."

Francine nods and they order coffee from Adam at the counter. Just as they're about to take a seat though, a horde of high school students pour in and take up all the tables except one: The one in the corner next to Tom and Larry.

"Dammit! I told you we should have gone somewhere else! I had a rough day; I don't know if I can listen to those two old men nattering on tonight," Francine says, the irritable tone in her voice rising like a rocket heading into space.

"Oh, it'll be all right. We haven't seen them in a while anyway. Besides I spent all day at the bank pretty much in silence so I probably won't mind their chatter for once," Jake says, heading to the table.

Francine grumbles, but follows. Tom and Larry don't seem to notice the couple's arrival since they're deep in a loud conversation of their own. " . . . I don't care what science says about The Big Bang. It had to come from somewhere. I think God farted, and that's what released all the cosmic gas that eventually came to be us," Larry says, shaking his coffee cup at Tom across the table.

Tom plays with his ear hair and pulls out some wax. He wipes it on a napkin. "Ah! I can hear better now. What were you saying, Larry?"

Larry replies in an even louder voice, "I think The Big Bang was God having a gas attack. He might have even been burping. It says in The Bible that 'In the beginning was the Word', but maybe it was just a sound and not really a word. Maybe it was a burp."

"So, in the beginning was the Burp?" Tom asks, "I don't know, Larry. Even if the scientists have trouble explaining the why and wherefore of The Big Bang, I think their explanation of the universe is better than saying some old guy made all of us. Ever since Ethel died, I've had trouble believing in God."

"Oh, Tom, that's not important. Whether you believe in God or not, God exists. The more important question is whether God believes in you."

"I can't believe this conversation," Francine says, gathering her things, and leaves.

Jake sits at the table. "Um," he says, watching Francine leave. Not knowing what to do, he takes a sip of coffee. In the background, Tom and Larry continue to debate metaphysics and whether or not the sale at Food Wigwam this week is a good one or not.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.

Blog Love Omega Glee: Garage Sale Intellectual (7 August 2012)

While walking home from a visit to Purgatory this afternoon, Francine notices a sign for a garage sale on a side street. Unable to resist such a shopping opportunity so close by, she walks down the block to the next sign complete with a couple of red balloons tied to it. Down the driveway of a nice blue and white colonial, she finds an older white couple sitting in the shade of the garage. "Howdy!" the man says and the woman smiles, "Welcome to our garage sale!"

Francine greets them and checks out the tables full of clothing, jewelry, toys, household appliances, books, cds, knick-knacks, and just about anything else one might find in a house, including a stuffed moosehead. Francine gravitates to the books. Most are potboiler thrillers but she finds a few classics and other interesting texts. As she sifts through the books, she thinks about how much her education owes to garage sales and flea markets and used bookstores--well bookstores that sell used books; all bookstores are used--and the like. After her college days, the remainder of her education has been catch as catch can, trusting in the random zen of the universe to throw her a potpourri of ideas she needs when she needs them, most at half-price or less. It is the type of eclectic education unachievable otherwise, with no documentation or certification beyond a stack of books on a dusty shelf. Though some may sneer, Francine is quite happy to be a garage sale intellectual.

The sound of thunder interrupts her self-narrative and Francine sees that it's starting to rain, a quick, hard summer thunderstorm. She helps the couple carry the tables outside the garage under cover. In the crowded garage, Francine waits with the couple for the storm to pass. After perusing all the merchandise, Francine says, "Wow! You're selling a lot of stuff. Are you moving or something?"

The woman, an ashy blonde with darting eyes, says, "Yes, we're selling everything. We'll be out here all week, so please tell your friends. Everything's for sale except the house. That's already sold."

"It looks like your whole house is out here though. Don't you need any belongings for your new home?" Francine asks, waving her right hand over a stack of stuff.

"Oh, we're taking a cruise. We won't need much," the man, bald but bearded, says, picking up a stack of dollar bills from the cashbox, "We're cashing out before this stuff is worthless."

"The money?" Francine asks.

"Yepper. The way the govermint's printing it up and increasing the supply of it, we'll be using it for toilet paper soon. That's why you're smart to trade in some for those books. At least they're worth the paper they're printed on. The wife and I are going to cash in everything we have during the cruise."

"But won't you need some afterwards?" Francine crinkles her brow.

The man and woman look at one another. The woman says, "I hate to break it to you, Sweetie, but there ain't going to be no afterwards. The world's ending. That's why Austin and I are going on a cruise. We're going to live it up until December 21, and go out in style."

"You mean, you sold your house and you're selling your stuff because you think the world is going to end later this year?"

The man says, "Well, when you put it that way, it sounds a little crazy, but, yes, that's exactly what we're doing."

"We ain't crazy though. The world is coming apart. Why the other night I got up to use the bathroom and I looked out the window at my backyard and the devil was standing out there looking in at me. You should have seen the size of the horns on him. I screamed and he ran away. It's the endtimes for certain," the woman says, making the sign of the cross with her hands.

It certainly is time to end this conversation, Francine thinks, hoping for the downpour outside the garage to stop.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.

Blog Love Omega Glee: I'm Not A Failure; I'm Just A Success Waiting To Happen (6 August 2012)

After work, Jake meets North, who also works downtown, for a drink at The Pirate Punch Bowl. North goes for The Pirate Punch, but, after a look at the bowl it comes from, Jake decides to stick to bottled beer. Since he has a job, at least temporarily, he decides to splurge and go a step above Zurp and orders a Worth A Drought Stout. It's happy hour anyway, which according to the posted sign means drinks are 50 cents off and no fighting is allowed. Pointing at the happy hour sign, Jake says, "So, does that mean that fighting is allowed the rest of the time?"

"I don't know," North says, wiping his glasses off with his tie, "This place is scary enough now; I've never stayed here past happy hour."

Jake looks at a fellow patron, who not only looks like a Sumo wrestler, but is dressed like one. The man growls at Jake. Jake quickly looks out the window at the river flowing by outside. Careful not to look in the Sumo wrestler's direction, he faces North, "Then why are we here?"

"They have the cheapest drinks in town," North says, "So how do you like working downtown, eh? I bet you never knew places like this existed."

"Oh, I knew they existed. I just thought they only existed in my nightmares," Jake says, taking a long pull from his bottle in hopes of getting out of here quickly, "Downtown's interesting. It's like a whole culture that I never knew existed. It's actually pretty crowded down here during the day. Then everyone disappears after work."

"There's a lot of hot chicks down here, man. Speaking of hot chicks, where's yours?"

"I don't know. I'll call her when I get out of here. I don't know. She's been kind of grumpy lately."

"Is she on the rag?"

"Man!"

"Hey, that's what I'd think. And you should be glad that she is too. Then, at least, you know she's not knocked up."

"Well, we were getting along fine until I started this job. It's been a bit tense since."

"But, it's temporary, right?"

"Yeah, the regular proofreader comes back next week. Then I'll be unemployed again. I'm such a fuckup. Francine's probably tired of me being a loser."

"You aren't a failure, man."

"No, what am I then?"

"You're just a future success. No! You're a success waiting to happen."

"You think so?"

"Well, it's what I always tell myself when things aren't going so well."

"How are things going anyway? Any wrestling dates?"

"Yeah, a couple. They're not until next month though. It's too bad I'll never be in the WWWWWW."

"What are you talking about? You're just starting out. You have to work your way up through the indies. It's like a ballplayer going through the minors before reaching the major leagues."

"Yeah, but I'm running out of time."

"What are you talking about? You aren't that old."

"Yeah, but the world ends soon, dude. It ends at the end of the year."

"That 2012 belief? You don't believe in that, do you?"

"Why not? The world began at some point, right? So it's got to end at some point, right? Why not now?"

"Ah! Somebody made up a date. I can't believe people buy into it."

North swishes his Pirate Punch around, "Well, drink some of this and soon you'll believe anything."

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.

Blog Love Omega Glee: Shrinking, Surviving (5 August 2012)

Going to Francine's kitchen to get a glass of water, Jake looks out the window and sees a buck with a huge rack of antlers in the backyard. "Hey, guys, you have a pet," he says, taking a sip of water.

"What?" Francine says as she comes into the kitchen, "Yikes! Look at the size of him! Guys, come here!"

Donald and Masani come in and take a gander at the buck. "Oh, no, Sugar, he is not eating my peppers. I worked too hard on that garden for that!" Masani says and heads outside.

Donald sighs and follows her.

Jake says, "There is no way I'm getting close to that thing," as he and Francine watch Masani try to shoo away the buck, who alternately chews on a pepper and looks at her.

Having his fill of pepper apparently, the buck wanders over to the neighbor's yard. Francine and Jake go outside and join Donald and Masani and watch as he grazes. "Thanks for your help," Masani says, sarcastically.

"Those are some big antlers," Jake says.

"Where did he come from?" Francine says.

"They have been bulldozing abandoned homes in Cleaveland a lot these past few years under the shrink to survive urban planning philosophy," Donald says.

"Um hmm, and in addition to the nice community gardens and parks that have popped up as a result, I bet there's a chain of woods now all the way from here to wherever he normally hangs out. I'm writing my councilperson, and if a mountain lion shows up to eat him, I'm moving," Masani says.

"The mountain lion is going to eat your councilperson?" Jake says.

"No, Dear, the deer," Masani says, "But if the lion is hungry enough maybe it'll eat the councilperson too. All I know is that it ain't eating me."

"I don't think they should bulldoze abandoned homes," Francine says, "All that does is make housing more expensive because there is less of it to go around. I don't know why houses are so expensive to begin with. Anything else you buy, its value plummets the moment it's used. Cars. Books. Whatever. But with houses, people think they should be worth more, for some reason. It's still used."

Donald clears his throat, and says, "Well, most of the houses they are bulldozing are in pretty bad shape. They might become a crack house, but for the most part no one is going to live in them again anyway. It is a bit sad, but it is better to demolish them. They do not attract criminals or rats then, nor expose toxins such as lead to the air. Letting nature take the land back can also detoxify it, and it certainly enables the city to concentrate its services elsewhere, which given the current economic situation is a good thing."

"Well, I think it's all part of the plan. They want to turn North America into a vast nature preserve," Francine says.

"Well, whoever 'they' are, they're succeeding," Masani says, watching the buck gracefully leap over a fence into the next neighbor's yard.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.

Blog Love Omega Glee: The Tickler Will Make You Submit (4 August 2012)

Ted, the squire of Sir Mulberry Bush, has been wrestling in recent weeks on Grapple Groove and having a string of successful matches, often due to some well-timed interference on his behalf by Sir Mulberry himself, who has been serving as Ted's manager. Sir Mulberry has not been wrestling due to his nagging back injury, but he has proven himself to be an effective manager, always there to distract the referee so Ted can club his opponent on one head or another with Sir Mulberry's lance and get the pin when the referee turns back around. Tonight, Jake tunes in as Ted faces a new opponent, making his debut in the WWWWWWW at the arena in Pittsburgh.

Ted and SMB are already at ringside, when laughter plays over the arena sound system, along with a voice shrieking, "Stop it! Stop it!" At the entrance ramp, a redheaded wrestler appears clad in pink trunks which say "The Tickler" on them.

The announcer Felix Fatality says, "Let me guess, he's French too."

Steve Dore, the other announcer, says, "No, according to the information I have, he's from Indiana, Pennsylvania."

"Well, which is it?" Fatality says, "Indiana or Pennsylvania?"

"There's a town in Pennsylvania called Indiana."

"Oh. Is there a town in Indiana called Pennsylvania?"

"No, but they have one called Michigan City."

"Some of these cities must be very confused about what state they're in."

"Back to the action, The Tickler has entered the ring, and Ted has thrown off his fool's cap and charged The Tickler with his three feet of fury. The Tickler, showing some impressive reflexes has ducked and Ted has ended up in a heap in the corner."

"Sir Mulberry is not pleased. He's clanking up the metal entrance stairs in his suit of armor and complaining to the referee."

"What is he complaining about? The Tickler didn't do anything illegal. In fact, Ted was the one who charged before the bell rang for the match to begin."

"He's just being a good manager and looking out for his client."

"Well, his client better look out for himself because Ted was outside the ring trying to poke The Tickler between the legs with Sir Mulberry's lance for a low blow . . ."

"Aren't all of Ted's shots low blows? He is only three feet tall or so."

"True, but I'd say trying to ram a nine foot metal lance into your opponent's groin would cause a disqualification for a low blow for sure. But The Tickler somehow caught the end of the lance in a headlock and used the leverage to catapult Ted back into the ring. Ted's landed on his stomach and The Tickler is, um, I guess he's tickling him. Ted's laughing but also writhing and crying in pain. The referee has heard the commotion and turned away from Sir Mulberry. Ted is slapping the mat with his hand."

"He's tapping out. The tickling submission maneuver was too much for him. The referee's calling for the bell."

"That's Ted's first loss and The Tickler's first win. Sir Mulberry is not pleased. He's coming into the ring to confront The Tickler. The Tickler has stopped tickling Ted and is now attempting to tickle SMB, but SMB's wearing armor, Felix, so I don't think it's going to work."

"I think you're right, Steve. Sir Mulberry is winding up for a Camelot Chop. He hits The Tickler across the chest. Ouch! That didn't tickle, I bet."

"No, I think The Tickler is doing the wise thing and rolling out of the ring. He's pointing at Sir Mulberry. I think he's challenging him to a match."

"Without that armor, could SMB handle The Tickler?"

"I guess we'll find out one of these days, Felix, because I think Sir Mulberry just accepted the match."

"Isn't he still recovering from his back injury?"

"Well, he has to defend the honor of his squire. The laws of chivalry demand it!"

"More than that, judging from the roar of the crowd, the fans demand it. You know what, Steve?"

"What, Felix?"

"This match kind of tickled me pink. I enjoyed it."

"Well, that pun tickled me. And I think any wrestlers in the locker room who are the slightest bit ticklish are going to have a tough time when they have a match with The Tickler."

"Hey, after the show's over, do you want to visit an Asian spa in Warren, Ohio? I know a masseuse there who specializes in feather tickles. Be sure to ask for the happy ending. I have a coupon from my last visit that you can use too."

"I'll pass, Felix."

"Well, like Ted tells Sir Mulberry when he needs a night off, 'Suit yourself!' Get it? Sir Mulberry wears a suit of armor, and Ted normally helps him put on the armor."

"I get it, Felix."

"Well, laugh."

"Hey, stop tickling me. I'll laugh, I'll laugh!"

The show tickles, er, trickles to an end.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.

Blog Love Omega Glee: Snipers Stop Speeders (3 August 2012)

Senator Rob Poorpeople may have dropped out of the presidential race, but he hasn't dropped out of the news. As usual, controversy drops out of his mouth more often than spit does when he's touring a family farmer's farm and chewing tobacco to show that he's a good old boy. Francine enjoys following the reaction to Poorpeople's latest policy proposal, which emerged in response to a spate of news stories decrying accidents and hit and runs caused by speeding motorists. She tunes into a press conference Poorpeople has called to quell the ruckus.

Poorpeople approaches the podium and numerous flashes go off from photographers taking photos. "How's my hair?" he says and smiles, playfully fixing a couple stray gray hairs.

Some reporters shout "Senator!" in hopes of getting the first question, but Poorpeople ignores them and fiddles with one of the pockets in his suit. He pats down his pockets like he's looking for something, and then shrugs. He faces the crowd but ignores the shouts and waves of the reporters to instead go into a rambling monologue punctuated with numerous uhs about how he loved to drive on back roads in the Ohio countryside when he got his first car. He sticks his right index finger in the air and jabs it near the microphones, ". . . But I always obeyed the speed limit. I was, uh, searching my pockets a couple minutes ago for a locket that the mother of Lavindaroo Jones gave me. As some of you might know, little Lavindaroo was three years old and her doll's head popped off and rolled into the street. Now, Lavindaroo was a good girl and she did what she was told. She looked both ways before entering the street to retrieve the head of her doll. However, Lavindaroo couldn't have known that a speeder going about a hundred miles an hour was going to whip down her block right then, and . . ."

Poorpeople pretends to cut his throat with his right index finger and makes a clicking noise, then a gurgling sound, before dropping the sound effects and continuing in English, at least some version of English, ". . . and that was it for little Lavindaroo. So that's why I carry around the locket her mother gave me, so I can remember why it's so important that my proposal to stop speeding be looked at seriously. Uh, I must have left that locket in my other pair of pants, sorry, Mrs. Jones. So, once again, I am proposing that I will try to get some federal money to fund a program for the state of Ohio, Governor Asspicker and the legislature, uh, if they, uh, if they authorize some snipers from the state police or the National Guard, and station them at certain strategic points where speeding is a problem and outfit them with a radar gun, as well as their rifle of course, and when they spot a speeder instead of engaging in a dangerous high speed pursuit and giving the speeder a ticket, that they simply fire upon one of the speeder's tires and put a halt to his, uh, or her, uh, travel on our roads. I think most of the citizens of this country are sick and tired of that minority of their fellow citizens who can't, uh, won't obey the law."

The din of the reporters reaches a new height so Poorpeople takes a question. Ann Flunkie of The Toledo Fishwrap asks, "But, Senator, although clearly your proposal raises the stakes on speeding for speeders, isn't there a high chance that a tire blown out at high speed could cause the speeding car to crash into another innocent motorist or a bystander?"

"Well, Ann, that's a good point, and I guess, uh, my response, uh, would be, that that innocent motorist or bystander is already in danger because of the speeder. If something does happen, then that innocent bystander can take heart that her or his sacrifice will undoubtedly help save future innocent bystanders because I guarantee after a few speeders die in rollover crashes that the number of people speeding will drop significantly, and we'll be able to save future Lavindaroos when they go to get their dolls' heads out of the street. In any case, the state has sovereign immunity so it's not like we can be sued anyway. Next question."

After the press conference, a statement by Governor Asspicker emerges that says the Senator's proposal will be taken under consideration.

Whenever the governor needs a laugh.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.

Blog Love Omega Glee: The Coffeehouse Mumbler (2 August 2012)

Needing to get out of the house, Jake wanders down to Caffeine Eden to wile away an hour or so in the evening. Francine picked up an extra shift at the restaurant to cover for a friend, so Jake has nothing else much better to do than take advantage of his legendary ability to drink coffee before bedtime and still fall asleep. It's movie night and they're showing Garage Sale, which is a cool movie, but people do what they always do at coffeehouses and mainly yap at one another as the movie plays. After getting a cup of Peaberry Polka, the coffee of the day, Jake makes his way through the slightly-darkened coffeehouse and finds an empty seat in the back. He's just about to sit next to a man with a Cleaveland Caucasians baseball cap and long hair, when he looks at Jake and mumbles, "That dastard better not sit next to me or I'll kill him."

Oh, no! It's The Mumbler!

Jake finds another seat, away from The Mumbler. Upon sitting down, he notices that all the seats around The Mumbler are empty. This is because The Mumbler keeps his internal monologue externally, which most people find slightly unnerving. He seems to be unaware that he does this, or, if he's aware, unable to do anything about it. As a result, he often finds himself in charged situations and banned from a number of Lackwood establishments for disturbing the people around him. Jake feels a bit bad for the man, but when he's mumbling about how stupid Jake's haircut is, it's hard to build up a head of sympathy for him. The Mumbler is actually banned from Caffeine Eden, but he must have slipped past Adam and Steve in the semi-darkness of movie night. He seldom ever bought anything anyway ("This place's coffee is too expensive," he would mumble typically). Jake is wondering if he should snitch on The Mumbler, when a young woman, who sat down nearby The Mumbler, jumps up, yells "You cad!", and dumps coffee in The Mumbler's lap, before storming away and out of the coffeehouse like an avalanche on twin mountain peaks. Meanwhile, The Mumbler jumps up and yells, "Why did that chick with the big tits dump coffee on me?!" then he goes and gets some napkins to pat dry his crotch. The movie's been paused due to the commotion, so everyone can hear The Mumbler mumble, "I'm going to sue this place like that old woman sued that restaurant for serving their coffee too hot. People make fun of her but she had a good case and a bad burn. That company had been warned for years that their coffee was served too hot so the jury gave them enough punitive damages that they would finally listen to the complaints. I wonder what I'll get in punitive damages. I don't think the fruits who run this place have too much money, but maybe that broad has some dough. Ah, maybe she was just clumsy. Where'd she go? Why are all these freaks staring at me? Man, that is one ugly dude over there. Wow! Check out that dame's ass! I'm glad I dropped in here tonight. A look at that has made me forget that my pants are scalded with what smells like a double espresso."

Steve reminds The Mumbler he's banned from the establishment, and gives him a free coffee to go as part of an agreement to speed him on his way so the movie can resume.

When it does, everyone is very quiet.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.

Blog Love Omega Glee: How's The Shrimp-Fried Rice? (1 August 2012)

Inside The Little Red Wok Chinese Restaurant, Francine and Masani wait for their takeout in a corner booth. Having lived together long enough that they basically have nothing new to talk about, Masani reads a paper takeout menu while Francine looks at the Chinese astrology placemat. "I'm a dog. What are you?" Francine says.

"Is that a sneaky way of asking my age?" Masani says as she arches an eyebrow and lowers the menu.

"No, I just want to see if we're compatible based on the chart," Francine says, holding up the placemat with its years of dogs, roosters, dragons, and the like.

"We know we're compatible. We've lived together awhile now and haven't wrung one another's necks yet. And, look, we both wanted Chinese tonight."

"Oh, play along. It'll be fun. Please. Pretty please. Pretty please with sugar on top. Pretty please with sugar on top and a cherry . . ."

"Enough! I'll look at it."

Francine passes Masani the placemat. Masani shudders and throws the placemat down, "I'm a snake. I hate snakes. I knew I didn't want to read that fool thing."

Francine picks up the placemat and reads the snake description, "Well, snakes aren't bad in the Chinese zodiac. It says here that you're wise, which you are. And even if we're not super-compatible, the dog and snake aren't enemies either."

"You don't believe in that stuff, do you? You really think everyone born in the same year has the same personality?"

"No, of course not, but it's a fun way to occupy our time while waiting for our food, isn't it?"

"If you say so. I was having more fun reading the menu though. I don't want to think about snakes when I'm about to eat."

"What on earth is interesting about the menu? We already ordered."

"Oh, Chinese restaurant menus always crack me up. The worse their English, the better the menu. Look at this," Masani points at a coupon in the menu, "A coupon for free '2 can Soda with 10 dollar purchase'."

"Well, their English is still better than my Chinese."

"I know. I'm just playing. I can see how they get confused. Why the hell is it '2 cans' anyway? The '2' tells us how many cans already, so why do we really need to add an 's' at the end of 'can' there?"

"I don't know, but that reminds me of a joke. Ask me how the shrimp-fried rice is at this restaurant."

"Oh, God, I'm going to regret this, aren't I? It doesn't involve a snake, does it?"

"No."

"OK, how's the shrimp-fried rice at this restaurant?"

"Not bad, but some nights the shrimp fucks it up."

Masani looks at her.

"Get it? The shrimp fucks up the rice."

"Why? It went bad or something?"

"No! The shrimp's the cook, but he's little and it's hard holding a big wok so when he fries rice sometimes he burns it."

"Ah, I get it."

"You aren't laughing."

"That's because it's not very funny."

"Well, just picture a little shrimp working in the kitchen of a Chinese restaurant, and it'll get funnier," Francine picks up the placemat, "It does say here that snakes don't have much of a sense of humor."

"Shush up! It does not!" Masani looks away then looks back at Francine, "All right, I can picture that little shrimp. He's kind of cute. He's wearing a little white apron."

"See, I told you, it's a funny joke."

Masani shakes her head, "Great! Now with that little cartoon shrimp in my head, how am I going to eat my shrimp eggroll in good conscience?"

"Oh, sorry," Francine says, "That is a little bit of a depressing image. What if they're making him fry his fellow shrimp? He'd be like a cannibal. He's not so cute anymore."

"Speaking of cute, where's your boyfriend tonight?"

"Probably still reading one of those long Russian novels you lent him."

"You haven't heard from him?"

"Yeah, yeah, he had to do something with his parents tonight," Francine says and immerses herself in the placemat again.

"Francine? Is there something you're not telling me?"

"OK," Francine looks up and sighs, dropping the placemat, "I kind of told him I was busy tonight."

"Why? So you could make jokes about shrimp working in Chinese restaurant kitchens with me? I mean I'm flattered, but I don't think that's the reason."

"OK, he's been bugging me a little lately. He's been making little cracks about my politics or my reading materials and I just don't like it. I mean I keep my mouth shut about professional wrestling, and you know, can you think of anything stupider than that?"

Masani looks off into the distance, then states, "No, I guess not."

"Right, but I keep my mouth shut because for whatever reason he really likes that stuff. I just wish he'd do the same about my interests. If he doesn't like them, then why'd he ever get involved with me? He met me through my blog. He had to have some idea of what I was like. He knew I was interested in politics and conspiracy theories."

"What is he?"

"What do you mean?"

"On your little animal zodiac. What is he?"

"Oh!" Francine picks up the placemat, "Let's see, he was born in 1986, so he'd be a . . . he'd be a tiger. Tigers are compatible with dogs."

"There you go."

"'There you go'? It says we're compatible."

"Yeah, but a tiger is just a big cat and you're a dog. There's going to be times when you're going to get along like cats and dogs. You'll want to play and he's going to hiss at you. Or roar."

"Hmm . . ."

"Anyway, that's all bullshit. Do you love him?" Masani looks at Francine.

Francine sways her head sideways and hums.

"Oh, for goodness sake! I know you have intimacy issues, but you surely know how you feel by now, don't you?"

"I don't know how I feel. I love him, but at times he drives me crazy and not in a good way. On the other hand, sometimes he does drive me crazy in a good way."

Masani puts up her hands and drops them suddenly, "Stop! I don't want to hear anything about tigers in bed. In any case, the ambivalence comes from the fact he's a man and you're a woman. Men are all that way."

"What way?"

"Sometimes they drive you crazy in a good way and sometimes they drive you crazy in a bad way. Either way, they drive you crazy."

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Let's see if a certain someone we both live with is compatible with you."

"Oh, hush up."

"You're blushing!" Francine smiles.

"I am not. That's just some sunburn that's suddenly coming to the surface," Masani laughs and gets up, "I'm going to get up and see if our order's ready. By now, that shrimp has had long enough to fry that rice."

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.