Blog Love Omega Glee: Lies, Spies, Eyes, Cries, Whys, Pies, Thighs, And Guys (9 May 2012)

Jake takes a sip of coffee and glances around Purgatory, "So this is the coffeehouse you hang out at?"

"When I need to get out of the house, yes," Francine says, biting into a croissant.

Behind the counter, Lilith makes kissie faces at Francine, and Francine rolls her eyes in response while Jake is busy looking at some of the art on the walls.

A painting of a group of superheroes having The Last Supper particularly catches his eye. He turns back to Francine, and, as usual when he looks at her, he forgets how to think. He was going to say something, but now he can't remember what, so instead he looks out the window and mumbles, "It's a nice neighborhood."

"Wait until nighttime, that's when they go around punching women in the face to steal their purses."

"Yikes!" Jake says, "It doesn't look that dangerous."

"We're sort of a thin wedge of the middle class between the very poor and the very rich. There are housing projects in this direction and houses the size of housing projects in that direction. As a result, a lot of crime occurs inbetween."

"Wow," Jake says, then the conversation stops, and they stare at each other for a few moments.

"Jake, I think we need to have a talk," Francine says, finally.

"Uh oh," Jake says, "We aren't even dating and you're already dumping me."

"No, it's not that," Francine says, wiping he face with a napkin, "I just want you to know what you're getting into hanging out with me. I have to admit I have some trust issues. I was engaged to be married, but I caught him cheating on me. I really haven't had a relationship since that."

"Wow, I'm sorry. That stinks. How'd you find out?"

"I hate to admit this, but I was suspicious so I snooped on his cell phone and found text messages from the skanky office bitch, er, woman he was having an affair with," Francine sits back and runs a hand through her hair.

"That had to be a terrible thing to discover."

"It was. I hoped I was wrong, but for weeks on end I would check his cell when he was in the shower, and I finally had to admit it to myself. When I finally confronted him, he was shampooing. He winced and rinsed his hair, and our future went down the drain. I just remember sitting on the toilet crying and asking him why. The jerk just kept taking a shower. He could have cared less. Finally I flushed the toilet, he let out a yelp from the sudden rush of hotter water, and I left."

Francine stares at Jake. Jake just shakes his head and wonders what he should say to this. Since he can't think of anything else, he smiles and says something stupid, "Well, you can search my phone whenever you want, but the most embarrassing thing on it is my Waffle Warrior wallpaper."

Francine smiles and shakes her head, and thinks, "This is why I like him. He's as innocent as a little boy. Plus he has cute dimples."

Jake coughs and continues, "Well, on a more serious note, even though it was awful, you're probably better off. If he was doing that while you were engaged, he'd probably have been even worse when you were married."

"Yes, I know it was for the best; I just regret being foolish enough to get involved with someone like that in the first place. I think I was trying to please my mother by marrying the 'right' kind of guy, even though he was wrong for me."

"You can only live your life for yourself. That was pretty clever of you to find out that way though. Have you ever thought about becoming a spy?"

Francine laughs, "No, I actually felt bad about doing that until it confirmed my suspicions. After that I felt a bit justified in being sneaky. I did pretend I was a spy when I was a kid though. And I thought my dad was a spy. He and my mother would fight occasionally and he'd leave for a few days. When he was gone, I used to just pretend he was in the CIA and away on an assignment. That fantasy was better than worrying my parents were going to get divorced. Thankfully, he always came back."

"Well, since we're being confessional, I have to state that I was dumped out of the blue by my last girlfriend, and so I have trust issues as well. I deserved it though. I probably spent more time paying attention to wrestling than her."

"Having her boyfriend prefer to spend his time watching scantily-dressed men touch one another probably would cause a girl to worry a bit."

"Hey!" Jake says, "It's an art form!"

Francine laughs, and leans in towards him. He feels the gravity and moves towards her. They kiss. Watching from behind the counter, Lilith claps and hopes Francine doesn't get the clap.

"Well," Francine says.

"Wow," Jake says.

"Is that all you have to say?"

"No, um, er, do they sell pie here? I want to celebrate."

"Pie?"

"What? I like pie and I like you. It's simple."

"Jake, nothing about a relationship is simple."

"Uh, oh, our first argument. I hope they have blueberry."

"You're too silly, but I'm sorry to report they have no pies here. However, the deli/convenience store up the street sells some of those lard snack pies. We can get one for you on the way back to my place."

"Your place?"

"Sure! I'll show you where I live."

"OK," Jake says, wondering what he's got himself into.

He hopes it's Francine's thighs.

What do you expect? He may be atypical, but he's still a guy.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.

Blog Love Omega Glee: Francine Asks Herself (8 May 2012)

"Do I really want to risk getting my heart broken again?"

"Do I really want to risk getting my heart broken again?"

"Do I really want to risk getting my heart broken again?"

"Do I really want to risk getting my heart broken again?"

"Do I really want to risk getting my heart broken again?"

"Do I really want to risk getting my heart broken again?"

"Do I really want to risk getting my heart broken again?"

"Do I really want to risk getting my heart broken again?"

"Do I really want to risk getting my heart broken again?"

"Do I really want to risk getting my heart broken again?"

"No."

"Will I do it anyway?"

"Will I do it anyway?"

"Will I do it anyway?"

"Will I do it anyway?"

"Will I do it anyway?"

"Will I do it anyway?"

"Will I do it anyway?"

"Will I do it anyway?"

"Will I do it anyway?"

"Will I do it anyway?"

"Yes."

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.

Blog Love Omega Glee: The Cats Say Hello (7 May 2012)

"Meow!" Monique the cat yells while Jake tries to talk on the phone with Francine.

"What's that?" Francine says.

"Shhhh!" Jake says to the cat who jumps on his bed and meows again even more loudly.

"Shhhh?" Francine says.

"Oh, sorry, I was talking to Monique."

"Monique?"

"That's one of the cats."

"Oh, your cats, that's right. I'd love to have cats, but Donald's allergic so we aren't allowed to have them."

Monique paces up and down the bed. Jake pets her, and she meows again.

"I think she wants to say hello. Hang on," Jake holds the phone near the cat's head. She brushes the corner of her cheek on it, and decides that she now owns it. She paces the other way. "Say hello to Francine," Jake says, but Monique just turns around and collapses on the bed in a heap of gray fur and white paws.

Jake puts the phone back to his ear, "I guess she said all she wanted to say earlier. She probably just wanted to say hello."

"Mer--ow!" Rudy, the other cat, comes in the room and brushes up against Jake's legs. A furry white toy mouse has been dropped by his feet.

"Oh, the other cat's here now. She wants me to throw her mouse. Hang on and listen."

Jake holds up the phone near Rudy, and picks up the mouse. Rudy stares at the mouse and her tail starts to twitch. "Who's this?" Jake says, "Is this a friend of yours?"

"Mow!" the cat cries, and Jake throws the mouse through the doorway into the hallway.

Rudy chases it down.

Jake puts the phone back up to his ear, and says, "Did you hear that?"

"Yes, I did. You have very vocal cats."

"Yes, they've got a lot to say. I'm surprised they don't have their own blogs."

Rudy brings back the mouse, carrying it in her mouth. She drops it by Jake's feet. "Mer-ow!" she says.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.

Blog Love Omega Glee: To Blog Or Not To Blog? (6 May 2012)

"That guy over there just took a picture of us," Jake tells Francine as they stroll through the exhibit hall of the independent media conference, a potpourri of people, publications, and pothers.

"What guy?" Francine says, stopping and turning around.

Jake points out a bland young man in a gray hoodie.

"He's a fed spy," says a middle-aged blonde woman with a nosering sitting behind a table with some zines on it.

"That wouldn't surprise me," Francine says, "It's another way for the government to waste money, and they love doing that."

"He's been taking pictures all weekend, and he obviously doesn't quite fit in, but not in the way the rest of us don't fit in. Unlike the rest of us, he fits in mainstream society just fine; that's why he doesn't fit in here," the woman says, "They always send a young agent every year. I'd kick him out, but they'd just send somebody else. At least this one seems somewhat incompetent."

Francine picks up a zine from the table and opens it up, "Are these yours?"

"Yes, I'm Litrifle. That's my zine Pammunition. It used to be about my old roommate Pam, who skipped out on some bills, but over the years it's moved from petty character assassination to become sort of a libertarian Luddite litzine. Do you do a zine? I'm up for trades."

"No, I do a blog called Franzine."

"A blog? There are a zillion blogs out there! No one reads them. You should do a zine."

"I like zines, but I find doing a blog is cheaper and reaches more people."

"I read blogs," Jake says.

"Do you want a cookie?" Litrifle says.

"Huh?" Jake says.

"Do you want a reward for reading a blog? Who cares if you read blogs?"

"Well, you just said that no one read blogs, but I read them. Therefore logically it's not true that no one reads blogs since I read them."

"Is this guy another government spy?" Litrifle asks Francine.

"No, he does a wrestling blog."

"Oh, Jesus."

"I have thought about doing a zine," Francine says, "It's just that photocopying is so expensive these days."

"Tell me about it. Though I have found a copyshop that's so cheap, I think it's run by the CIA just so they can more easily keep tabs on us underground subversive types who only communicate through print. The computer publications they can easily keep track of, but we're a bit harder to control."

"I'm surprised they even try," Francine says, "In the past few years I thought American intelligence agencies had gotten so lazy that if they couldn't Google something, they just pretended it didn't exist."

"That's why I don't trust computers. They're just a way for the government to spy on us. Also, they're stripping all the human out of humanity. They want to turn us into predictable, profitable organic machines. Tell me one good thing computers have ever done."

"Oh, c'mon," Jake says, "They've enabled us to do lots of cool things."

"So name one, Chuckles."

"Jake, my name's Jake."

"Whatever, I'm still waiting to hear an example of the wonders of computer technology."

"OK, well, um, video games. I really love my wrestling video games. They're a lot of fun."

"Video games?" Litrifle says, scowling, "At worst, they train people to obey orders and kill and prepare for war--look at the most popular ones, they are always violent, even your wrestling ones are about beating people up. At best, they distract people from the important issues in the world. Trust me, we were better off without computers. They're just going to evolve into artificial intelligence, and enslave us. In any case, you can't cut and paste love, you can't put goodness on a spreadsheet, can you?"

"No, but I can communicate with wrestling fans in Australia without running up a huge phone bill, so that's like emailing friendship."

The man in the gray hoodie stops by the table and picks up a zine. "What's this?" he says.

"A zine," Litrifle says.

"A zine? They still make those? That's so twentieth century," he says, putting it down and walking away.

"So's Cointelpro, but you still do that, don't you, you douchebag! Give me back my taxes! I'm not paying to be hassled by little government pricks who wouldn't be able to get a job on their own in the free market," Litrifle yells as she stands up, comes around her table, and starts to chase the man in the hoodie through the exhibit hall.

Francine and Jake watch them both disappear through a set of double doors at the end of the hall.

"I'm definitely blogging about this," Jake says, "These people make wrestlers look sane by comparison. At least wrestlers do crazy stuff for money. These people do crazy things for free. And, yes, I do count myself among these crazy people. Sometimes I wonder why I blog. Then I remember why. It's fun. But why do I think it's fun?"

"To blog or not to blog?" Francine says, "I've been thinking of giving up my blog. Creepy stuff like this makes me want to quit."

"Uh, what would you do then?"

"Start a zine. I hope she comes back so she can tell me where she gets her photocopying done so cheaply."

"I think I'll stick with my blog. That's retro enough for 2012."

"Yeah, but it would be kind of fun to be able to set up at a table at next year's conference and have cool stuff like these to sell and trade," Franzine says, holding up an issue of Pammunition.

"If you want to sell something, then how about some deodorant?" Jake says, holding his nose, as a couple of crustpunks walk by, "It seems like there's a need for that around here."

"Oh, Jake," Francine says, "It's just the smell of a body. It's natural . . ."

Her face twists as the smell of the crustpunks hits her nostrils, "It's . . . it's really, really bad. Didn't anyone in here bathe today?"

"C'mon, let's go to one of the zine workshops. Maybe they'll have some rubber cement we can sniff."

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.

Blog Love Omega Glee: Meet The Nutjob (5 May 2012)

Hungover, Jake takes a second cup of coffee from the free coffee dispensers at the Meet The Nutjobs independent media conference. Last night, Lucy persuaded him to go out for a drink after they left work after midnight, and, as a result, he overslept this morning, getting to the conference late. He hopes he hasn't missed Francine. Just his luck, he thinks, after months with no female attention, now he has two in the picture at once. Of course, Francine is probably just a blog buddy anyway. Jake sips his coffee and taps the sticker nametag he's wearing on his shirt absentmindedly as he scans the conference hall for someone who looks like Francine.

"'Scuse me, buddy," an older white man with a tied-up ponytail says as he walks up to Jake, "You're standing in front of the coffee."

"Oops! Sorry," Jake says, and moves aside.

The man takes a cup and opens the coffee tap. When it's filled, he stops the tap and takes a drink, "Ahh! Man, I needed that!"

The man looks at Jake and sticks his right hand out, "Alan Yippie. I've been publishing Taoism Incandescent Terrific Times Illuminates Erie since the 1960s, or, as I like to call it for short, 'Tittie'. I started out working with d.a. levy on a letterpress, and now I'm on the Web."

Jake shakes his hand, "Uh, I'm Jake. I do a blog."

"A blog, huh? What's it about?"

"Uh, professional wrestling."

"Wrestling, huh? You know that stuff's fake, don't you?"

Jake suppresses rage inside of him, and says, "Uh, yeah, I treat it as an underappreciated art form."

"Ah, I'm just fooling with you. I used to go see wrestling at the old Cleaveland Arena all the time. Of course, they used to have the hippie wrestlers lose matches all the time. That always kind of bugged me, but it was preferable to shooting the hippies like they did down at Kent State. Hard to believe it was 42 years ago yesterday. I was there, you know. I ducked behind a tree when they started shooting. Good old Mother Nature saved my ass. That's society though, always trying to divide us. But we're all the same, man. We're all vibrations of the same divinity. I wish people would realize that, and stop being so uptight and trapped in the box of their own consciousness."

Jake nods, continuing to look past Alan for Francine. Jake takes a drink of coffee, and realizes that his first cup has run right through him, and is speeding for the exit. "Uh, do you know where the restrooms are?" he asks Alan.

"This is some potent stuff, huh?" Alan says, holding up his cup, "C'mon, I'll show ya. I have to go myself. My bladder's pretty much shot. I don't know if that's from all the drugs I used to take, or just from growing old. Come to think of it, I still take a lot of drugs, but now they're all legal and prescribed by my doctor. So I still take drugs, just different ones. I liked the fun ones better. Growing old is kind of bummer, man, in that regard, but spiritually I'm so much better. I'm the best I've ever been. I can just read people's auras now. There's a lot of good vibes in this room. It gives me hope for the future. I'm really starting to believe we're headed for a new age."

As he chitchats, Alan leads Jake into the hallway, "The women's restroom is right there, but we've got to go around the corner here for the men's. See, it's just what I told you, they're always trying to divide us."

As they pass the women's room, a young white woman with short brunette hair comes out the door. "Hey, Franny, how's it going?" Alan says, and walks over to her.

Jake stops and watches them shake hands. He gets a bit jittery and blames the coffee but knows it's for another reason. "Hey, I just met this cat at the coffeepot. He does a blog like you," Alan says, "His is about wrestling though. His name's, uh, . . ."

"Jake," Francine says, meeting Jake's eyes.

"Francine?" Jake says.

"Yes," she says and smiles.

"How'd you know it was me?" Jake says as they shake hands.

"I think my first clue was the nametag with 'Jake' on it."

"Oh, that's right," Jake says, looking down at his nametag.

"I didn't put my nametag on," Alan says, "That's just another way for society to divide us. We're all the same, man. In fact, I'm going to protest this segmentation and atomization of our society by using the women's restroom. Plus I really have to go, and don't think I can make it around the corner to the men's room. Getting old is a long, strange trip, man. I may have to wear diapers soon. Life is like a circle; we end up where we began."

Alan goes into the women's restroom. Francine and Jake hear someone scream inside, then a slap, then some yelling. Alan comes back out, his face red. "Man, people are so uptight these days. I even told her I was a woman in a past life, but she was still acting like she owned the public restroom. Power to the people! Piss too! Anyway, I'll talk to you guys later. I gotta go," he says, as he half-runs/half-wobbles around the corner.

"So," Francine says, "I see you've been meeting some of the nutjobs already."

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.

Blog Love Omega Glee: Francine Feels Funky (4 May 2012)

Francine turns over on her mattress, and, as she lifts her head, she notes that her pillowcase is stained with her latest dyejob. Her sleepyhead is a brunette again. Morning light from the windows peeps around the blinds and Francine pulls up the blankets to block it out. Birds chirp.

"Please chirp somewhere else, birds," Francine says as she yawns and turns over again.

She tries to get back to her dream where she was hiking across the country with a tribe of native Americans. They were a postmodern nation of discarded advertising mascots, who had networked online to form a new discourse community united in victimization and based on spite and the desire for revenge against the corporate culture that had wronged them. After their runs in the spotlight, no one would hire them, and some had been unemployed for decades. They were all dispossessed and most had the vague stench of failure, blamed in some cases for their company's demise. "I can still cook a great burger," Burger Chef told Jeff, "Why won't anybody give me a chance?"

Jeff nodded. He'd heard it all before. Joe Camel lit another cigarette and sighed. Betty The Broom swept up the ashes behind him, and muttered under her breath about being tired of cleaning up after everyone else. Their hike, a protest against their abandonment by the rest of society, came to a halt when they found some cars and started driving them along the beach and then into the sea. After so long a trek, they needed to blow off some steam, especially Timmy The Teakettle ("If it's not Timmy's, it's not tea, but if it's Timmy's, then that's tea!"). The cars didn't work so well in the water, and they kept stalling out. Gus The Get Up And Go Gas Goat had tried to warn them, but as usual no one listened to him, so he kicked a tin can in frustration and then ate it and he felt much better about things. When Francine woke up, they were all figuring out what to do now.

To get back to the dream, she tries to think of Corny The Rooster, but he keeps crowing, and she can't get back to the cartoon limbo of American capitalism. From thoughts of the collective past, she moves to her individual future, and thinks about the Meet The Nutjobs blog conference this weekend. She wonders if people will be different in person from their online personas. Sometimes that was the case, and a firebreather online turned out to be sparkless face to face. Some of them seemed like they only knew how to communicate electronically as well, and having a conversation with them was torture. Some would keep fiddling with their cell phones and notebook computers, and she wondered why they even bothered to come physically when they clearly weren't there mentally. Others though were great, and their blog was just an extension of their personality, which was even better in meatspace than it was virtually.

Francine wonders what Jake will be like. Will he be as funny in real life as he was on his blog? Will he look like a wrestler? From the few pictures of him she's been able to dig up online, he seems like he'll be cute. Hmm . . . cute, that Columbo Coffeebean was pretty sexy in a Latin lover sort of way. Francine's right hand wanders down under her wear, as she finds an even better way than coffee to start her day.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.