It is the type of day where you could fry an egg on the sidewalk, and if you set a pig out there next to the egg, then you could eat bacon and egg for breakfast. Only people who are forced to be outside for work or people who are slightly insane go outside in the ridiculous heat.
Tired of sweating inside, Jake decides to read a book out on the porch.
Guess what type of person he is?
One of the delegates at the convention gave Jake a book yesterday telling him that it would change Jake's life. Jake had heard of the book, a recent bestseller, so he took it. He decides to read it on the porch, figuring if he sweats on it, then it won't matter much since he got it for free anyway. The book is called Cleaning Other Original Ducks: A House The Saxophone Classic Overhaul Late Don't.
Jake has no idea what that means either.
According to the back cover, the book is "the heart-wrenching story of a medical resident who solves murders, but becomes the prime suspect in the death of an iron-willed widow who was seeking to understand her grandfather's mental illness while illuminating the spiritual and sensual nature of food. The resident discovers the widow's diary and vampires who only eat bears chase him into a school for wizards in England where he uncovers a centuries old conspiracy started by the people who built Stonehenge and who will stop at nothing to control the world by using liberals to undermine America and destroy capitalism. Part satire and part lament, part dystopian fantasy and part family tragedy, the memoir/novel details the author's descent into alcoholism and political conservative commentary on talk radio, before 47 ronin who committed suicide in 18th century Japan show up to teach him how to live once a week on his deathbed, as his family gathers for the holidays during which his father reveals an ancient secret based on the law of attraction and positive thinking that transforms the narrator's choice for lunch. Aimed at graduates, the tome presents the author's accumulated wisdom and lessons based on his life's experiences reading book sale blurbs in the Publisher's Lunch email newsletter, where people who write horrible books score nice deals, very nice deals, good deals, significant deals, and major deals, by appealing to the bottom-feeder mindset of the publishing industry or by fucking an acquisitions editor after a book launch party. Based on the life of Sonny Rollins and death of Michael Jackson, this masterpiece also includes recipes gathered from the resident's previous career as a chef at an exclusive restaurant in Manhattan, where the blood-sucking vampires who worked during the day as investment bankers on Wall Street liked to blow their swindled money on overpriced foie gras and liquor. Inspired by groundbreaking author Kathy Acker's pirate technique of parody, this landmark work of fiction/nonfiction is also a graphic novel since those are hot right now and most Americans can't read very well anymore without visuals to accompany the third grade reading level of the words. Furthermore, it serves as a guide to sourcing, purchasing, butchering, and cooking the American auto industry, which Alan Dershowitz condemns because it is too candid and revealing about a soap opera star's battle with depression, and his zero tolerance approach to grammar, which caused him to start a winery, and then dedicate his life to Jesus in this fascinating legal thriller that is also part Western, part romance, part horror, part science fiction, and part ripped from today's headlines small town heartwarmer, perfect for the holidays and beach reading."
Jake doesn't read the book, but he isn't surprised it is a bestseller.
Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.
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