Blog Love Omega Glee: The Tickler Will Make You Submit (4 August 2012)

Ted, the squire of Sir Mulberry Bush, has been wrestling in recent weeks on Grapple Groove and having a string of successful matches, often due to some well-timed interference on his behalf by Sir Mulberry himself, who has been serving as Ted's manager. Sir Mulberry has not been wrestling due to his nagging back injury, but he has proven himself to be an effective manager, always there to distract the referee so Ted can club his opponent on one head or another with Sir Mulberry's lance and get the pin when the referee turns back around. Tonight, Jake tunes in as Ted faces a new opponent, making his debut in the WWWWWWW at the arena in Pittsburgh.

Ted and SMB are already at ringside, when laughter plays over the arena sound system, along with a voice shrieking, "Stop it! Stop it!" At the entrance ramp, a redheaded wrestler appears clad in pink trunks which say "The Tickler" on them.

The announcer Felix Fatality says, "Let me guess, he's French too."

Steve Dore, the other announcer, says, "No, according to the information I have, he's from Indiana, Pennsylvania."

"Well, which is it?" Fatality says, "Indiana or Pennsylvania?"

"There's a town in Pennsylvania called Indiana."

"Oh. Is there a town in Indiana called Pennsylvania?"

"No, but they have one called Michigan City."

"Some of these cities must be very confused about what state they're in."

"Back to the action, The Tickler has entered the ring, and Ted has thrown off his fool's cap and charged The Tickler with his three feet of fury. The Tickler, showing some impressive reflexes has ducked and Ted has ended up in a heap in the corner."

"Sir Mulberry is not pleased. He's clanking up the metal entrance stairs in his suit of armor and complaining to the referee."

"What is he complaining about? The Tickler didn't do anything illegal. In fact, Ted was the one who charged before the bell rang for the match to begin."

"He's just being a good manager and looking out for his client."

"Well, his client better look out for himself because Ted was outside the ring trying to poke The Tickler between the legs with Sir Mulberry's lance for a low blow . . ."

"Aren't all of Ted's shots low blows? He is only three feet tall or so."

"True, but I'd say trying to ram a nine foot metal lance into your opponent's groin would cause a disqualification for a low blow for sure. But The Tickler somehow caught the end of the lance in a headlock and used the leverage to catapult Ted back into the ring. Ted's landed on his stomach and The Tickler is, um, I guess he's tickling him. Ted's laughing but also writhing and crying in pain. The referee has heard the commotion and turned away from Sir Mulberry. Ted is slapping the mat with his hand."

"He's tapping out. The tickling submission maneuver was too much for him. The referee's calling for the bell."

"That's Ted's first loss and The Tickler's first win. Sir Mulberry is not pleased. He's coming into the ring to confront The Tickler. The Tickler has stopped tickling Ted and is now attempting to tickle SMB, but SMB's wearing armor, Felix, so I don't think it's going to work."

"I think you're right, Steve. Sir Mulberry is winding up for a Camelot Chop. He hits The Tickler across the chest. Ouch! That didn't tickle, I bet."

"No, I think The Tickler is doing the wise thing and rolling out of the ring. He's pointing at Sir Mulberry. I think he's challenging him to a match."

"Without that armor, could SMB handle The Tickler?"

"I guess we'll find out one of these days, Felix, because I think Sir Mulberry just accepted the match."

"Isn't he still recovering from his back injury?"

"Well, he has to defend the honor of his squire. The laws of chivalry demand it!"

"More than that, judging from the roar of the crowd, the fans demand it. You know what, Steve?"

"What, Felix?"

"This match kind of tickled me pink. I enjoyed it."

"Well, that pun tickled me. And I think any wrestlers in the locker room who are the slightest bit ticklish are going to have a tough time when they have a match with The Tickler."

"Hey, after the show's over, do you want to visit an Asian spa in Warren, Ohio? I know a masseuse there who specializes in feather tickles. Be sure to ask for the happy ending. I have a coupon from my last visit that you can use too."

"I'll pass, Felix."

"Well, like Ted tells Sir Mulberry when he needs a night off, 'Suit yourself!' Get it? Sir Mulberry wears a suit of armor, and Ted normally helps him put on the armor."

"I get it, Felix."

"Well, laugh."

"Hey, stop tickling me. I'll laugh, I'll laugh!"

The show tickles, er, trickles to an end.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.