Jake's mom sits in front of the computer in the study. She stops playing Minesweeper and opens up Word Up!, the hip-hop word processing program. She stares at the blingy blank screen and thinks about writing a new Bible. She had that strange dream with the cats a couple of weeks ago, and ever since then she's had the itch to write. The cats haven't spoken to her since though, other than moments such as Monique meowing at her when she opened a can of tuna for dinner one night, nor has she seen any burning bushes or pillars of smoke or whatever dictating to her any prophecies or commandments.
She thought about going to church to see if God would speak to her there. She hasn't gone to church in years but always claims to miss going. Jake has been moping around the house all weekend, depressed over his breakup with Francine, and she even suggested to him that they go to church to cheer him up and maybe he could meet a nice girl there. Fortunately, he said no, so she didn't have to go.
She loves church. She just never goes. That's because it's boring, but she'll never admit that, other than continually finding reasons to stay away from it mass after mass. And she's not the only one. Church attendance has dropped. The core of the village moved long ago from the cathedral to the shopping center, and we gather to worship at half-price sales, or, too lazy to even leave home, at the altar of the television, seeking communion while simultaneously keeping our distance. Mom wonders if that's one of the reasons the world seems more messed up these days. Or maybe it isn't. Maybe it's always been messed up, but we're much better informed about it these days with the advances in communication technology.
Still, maybe a new Bible is needed. Maybe the old holy texts are outdated, relics of different times. And why shouldn't she be the one to write it? She's gotten enough email forwards from her friends that she has a good grip on what people want and need. Maybe she can even get it published and maybe Oprah will pick her book as the new book club pick. Wouldn't that be exciting to meet Oprah!?
If not, she can always ask Jake to help her put up on a blog. That seems to be what people read these days anyway.
"Meow!" Monique announces her entrance into the study with a loud cry, followed shortly by another , and then another. Mom reaches down to pet her. Something in Mom's back pulls though and she groans. She pats her lap and tells the cat, "You're going to have to jump up here. If I bend over to pick you up, I might not make it back up."
The striped gray and white tiger tabby looks from side to side, meows once more, turns around, turns back around, and then, with a tail twitch or two, leaps onto Mom's lap. Mom pets her and she starts to purr. Together they face the blank screen. "What should I write?" she asks the cat.
"Meow!" the cat says.
"Hmm . . . that's not much help."
The cat leaps off and settles nearby next to a filing cabinet. Mom wonders what a new Bible should include. Well, it definitely needs more female characters. There are some strong ones in The Bible, but not enough of them. Instead, it's one male hero or prophet after another. Half the human race is female, however, so she's going to give the women more than supporting roles this time. She's tired of women only being defined in relation to men. I mean, look at this book, she's referred to as Jake's mom most of the time and not Sue. And no more of letting those old men have ten wives and twelve concubines and Lot having sex with his daughters and God being hunky-dory with it and stuff. Those sick male fantasies have got to go. It's going to be independent women and nice monogamous romances instead.
Minorities too. Instead of the Hebrews killing off the enemy tribes because they were different or the Romans or Egyptians enslaving other nations just because they could, the new Bible would be more tolerant and inclusive. No more hassling gay people because they aren't being fruitful and multiplying either.
And stories. Stories are a must. She's read the holy texts that are little more than a list of dos and donts. Boring. The morals have to be in there. That's one of the major points of a holy text, but slipping them in through a story makes them more likely to take root. No puzzling allegories though. No cursing of poor fig trees just because they didn't have a fig when Jesus wanted a snack.
Hmm . . . a nice cover with a handsome Jesus on it like an image on a classy romance novel would be good too. Those all black covers were a bit dour.
And bullet points! The Bible will be much improved with bullet points when there is a need for a list, Sue thinks.
Explanations are also in order. No more of this mysterious ways stuff. Why are we here and what are we doing?
Hmm . . . now if she can only figure that out, she'll start writing.
Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
0 comments:
Post a Comment