Needing to get out of the house, Jake wanders down to Caffeine Eden to wile away an hour or so in the evening. Francine picked up an extra shift at the restaurant to cover for a friend, so Jake has nothing else much better to do than take advantage of his legendary ability to drink coffee before bedtime and still fall asleep. It's movie night and they're showing Garage Sale, which is a cool movie, but people do what they always do at coffeehouses and mainly yap at one another as the movie plays. After getting a cup of Peaberry Polka, the coffee of the day, Jake makes his way through the slightly-darkened coffeehouse and finds an empty seat in the back. He's just about to sit next to a man with a Cleaveland Caucasians baseball cap and long hair, when he looks at Jake and mumbles, "That dastard better not sit next to me or I'll kill him."
Oh, no! It's The Mumbler!
Jake finds another seat, away from The Mumbler. Upon sitting down, he notices that all the seats around The Mumbler are empty. This is because The Mumbler keeps his internal monologue externally, which most people find slightly unnerving. He seems to be unaware that he does this, or, if he's aware, unable to do anything about it. As a result, he often finds himself in charged situations and banned from a number of Lackwood establishments for disturbing the people around him. Jake feels a bit bad for the man, but when he's mumbling about how stupid Jake's haircut is, it's hard to build up a head of sympathy for him. The Mumbler is actually banned from Caffeine Eden, but he must have slipped past Adam and Steve in the semi-darkness of movie night. He seldom ever bought anything anyway ("This place's coffee is too expensive," he would mumble typically). Jake is wondering if he should snitch on The Mumbler, when a young woman, who sat down nearby The Mumbler, jumps up, yells "You cad!", and dumps coffee in The Mumbler's lap, before storming away and out of the coffeehouse like an avalanche on twin mountain peaks. Meanwhile, The Mumbler jumps up and yells, "Why did that chick with the big tits dump coffee on me?!" then he goes and gets some napkins to pat dry his crotch. The movie's been paused due to the commotion, so everyone can hear The Mumbler mumble, "I'm going to sue this place like that old woman sued that restaurant for serving their coffee too hot. People make fun of her but she had a good case and a bad burn. That company had been warned for years that their coffee was served too hot so the jury gave them enough punitive damages that they would finally listen to the complaints. I wonder what I'll get in punitive damages. I don't think the fruits who run this place have too much money, but maybe that broad has some dough. Ah, maybe she was just clumsy. Where'd she go? Why are all these freaks staring at me? Man, that is one ugly dude over there. Wow! Check out that dame's ass! I'm glad I dropped in here tonight. A look at that has made me forget that my pants are scalded with what smells like a double espresso."
Steve reminds The Mumbler he's banned from the establishment, and gives him a free coffee to go as part of an agreement to speed him on his way so the movie can resume.
When it does, everyone is very quiet.
Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.
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