On a cool afternoon at the Camp David retreat, Louis Carson Fir takes a walk in the woods with Dick, who takes a roll, and Chess the dog, who occasionally takes a drag when she won't move on from sniffing a tree fast enough for Dick's taste. Dick's vending machine body wheels crunch twigs on the trail as he says, "So, what's your latest plan, Fir? I see that we're still behind in the polls."
"Only the ones we don't control, sir," Fir says, trying not to get tangled up in the leash as Chess runs around him barking wildly with campaign advice, "Sometimes I swear that dog can talk."
"Never mind the dog, Fir. What's your plan? I'll tell you mine: Release the superflu," Dick says, pausing to chew on an oak leaf, then spitting it out.
Fir watches the leaf-chewing in silence, but decides not to comment on it. Instead, he says, "Voter fraud!"
"Yes, I know we're doing election fraud, but what type?" Dick says, rolling on down the trail.
"No, not us. I want us to raise a stink about voter fraud and insist to guard against it that all voters need to have microchips embedded in their skin in order to vote. You know, so we can verify the voter is whom he or she is supposed to be. In the meantime, we'll have established data procedures in the scanners so that anyone's vote we haven't precleared either will be set aside for alteration or won't be counted at all," Fir says, ducking a branch that boomerangs back at him from Dick's passing.
"Hmm . . . that's not a bad plan, Fir. I could envision attaching credit card and bank account information to the chip too so we could extract taxes and marketing data instantly from anyone. I have some friends who would be very interested in that. However, how on Earth do you think we'll be able to implement this in the next four months? I imagine there's going to be an uproar from some quarters," Dick says, stopping so Chess can piss, which she decides to do on the black shoe of a nearby Secret Service agent.
"Sorry. You're so still; she must have mistaken you for a tree," Dick says to the agent. He uses one of his noodly vacuum cleaner attachment arms to spray water on the agent's shoe, then uses the other to blow it dry with air.
As they move on, Fir continues, "I have thought about the tight time frame and I believe the tattooing and piercing fad among people under forty over the past couple of decades will have paved the way for people to accept a chip implant. If someone thinks that it's a good idea to stick metal in genitalia, then he or she isn't going to object to a little chip in the wrist. We can use some of our intelligence operatives in the media to plant stories about how it's cooler to get an implant than a tattoo or a piercing these days. In addition to the impressionable conformist young, some baby boomers will probably rush out and get one when they hear that. As for the rest of the older people, we'll announce a study that found that implants reduce cholesterol levels or something."
"You're very thorough, Fir. I appreciate that. Well, I have my doubts but go ahead and try your plan. If it doesn't work, then we'll know well enough in advance so I can always release the flu. OK, let's play fetch," Dick says, picking up a stick and tossing it ahead on the trail.
Chess sits next to Dick and looks down the trail.
"Well?" Dick says.
"I don't think she's interested, sir," Fir says.
"Not her, you! Get the damn stick, Fir! I want to see how obedient you are," Dick says, throwing his arms in the air.
Stroking his red goatee, Fir looks at Dick, who begins to chew on another leaf from a nearby tree, maple this time, then Fir steps forward, reluctantly moving down the trail towards the stick.
Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.
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