Blog Love Omega Glee: Transhumanism Euphemism (28 June 2012)

In the evening, Louis Carson Fir shivers as he enters the dark Oval Office. Dick turns the air conditioning on so high it is like walking into a refrigerator, but the room still stinks of decay. The man, or what used to be a man and now is a human head and vending machine body, looks out the window, his back to Fir. "Fir?" Dick says.

"Yes, sir."

"Do you have the new pain pills from the FDA?"

"Yes sir. There's one called Numborsomethingorother and the other one's . . ."

"I don't care, Fir. Just crush up one and bring it here."

Fir sets the pills on the desk and crushes one up on a tray. Dick wheels around to face him. Fir holds the tray up to Dick's nose, who snorts the powder from the crushed up pill. Fir tries hard not to gag from his proximity to the rotting meat of Dick's head. "Ah!" Dick says, "That should take care of the headache."

Fir sets the tray down on the desk. "We had a good day yesterday, didn't we, Fir?"

"Yes sir, we finally have Poorpeople on board. Your numbers went up a tick too."

"Bah! You and I both know I'm not going to win this election unless we do something drastic. My highest popularity levels were after the assassination attempt, and even then the assassin was still more popular than I was. No, the only way I'll get more votes than anyone else is if we kill off everyone who won't vote for me."

"That sounds a bit drastic, sir. It also doesn't sound very democratic."

"Bah! When did you ever get sentimental about democracy? You know it's just a show, just a game for the masses, same as I do. It's outdated, like human beings are outdated. The future belongs to people . . . posthumans--ah, tell the euphemism to go fuck itself. I'm beyond humanity now--things like me."

"How's the new body coming along, sir?"

"It's almost ready, but they keep hitting one unexpected delay after another. In any case, I'm not waiting on it anymore. The superflu is ready. Let's do it."

"I know I can get your numbers up. I just need more time."

"Don't worry, Fir. I'll give you the antidote beforehand. I'm giving that to everyone who matters. The rest of them will have to hope they have good genes."

"But don't you want to win?"

"I am going to win. That's why I'm doing this."

"No, I mean without . . ."

"Go ahead and say it, Fir."

Fir taps his fingers on the desk and doesn't say anything.

"'Cheating', that's what you were going to say, wasn't it, Fir? Don't worry, I'm not offended; I'm just again surprised at your attitude. You should know that it doesn't matter how we win as long as we do win. You're certainly no stranger yourself to unusual electoral strategies. That's why I hired you on."

"Yes, but changing a few figures on some computers in the middle of the night and the other things, that's different than this. You're planning genocide basically. Plus we don't know if the antidote will work for sure. That thing could mutate once it's released. That's what viruses do. What if that happens before your new body is ready? Even you could be affected."

"Hmm . . . all right, Fir, you've convinced me. I'll hold off for now. I'll hold off completely if you can get those numbers up. I suppose I was just feeling a bit gloomy looking into the darkness while everyone else had left for the night to go home and do human things like eat and spend time with their families and fuck. Sometimes I do miss those days, but I'm looking forward to putting that completely behind me when I transcend humanity completely. I need to remember that I am only a transitory human. Be sure to remind me more often, Fir."

"Yes, sir."

"Fir?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Heh, heh, heh, crush me up another pain pill. I'm starting to feel good."

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.