Blog Love Omega Glee: Reading, Riting, And Rassling (2 June 2012)

Jake tunes into Grapple Groove to see manager Martin "The Smart One" Black's latest discovery, who is booked to wrestle The Buff Barrister this evening.

The Barrister is already in the ring, but no opponent has appeared. The Barrister's butler, Mr. Wodehouse, hands The Barrister a microphone, which he uses to address Black, "Mr. Black, you promised me that you had an opponent who could beat me, but you and I knew that you were bluffing because that person doesn't exist. Now come down here and take your beating like a gentleman!"

The crowd boos, but quiets when an entrance theme starts to play on the arena sound system. But unlike most wrestling entrance themes, this one is not loud, nor energetic, nor bombastic. It's pleasant but sounds like something you'd hear playing softly in a bookstore, a light, poppy jazz occasionally punctuated by someone whispering, "Sssshhhh, keep it down, I'm trying to read."

The entrance music plays and stops, but no opponent appears.

"Oh, stop this hoax!" B.B. protests from the ring, "Come and take it like a man, Black!"

There's some commotion at the entrance ramp. Black appears, trying to coax a large man with long blonde curly hair to come down the ramp. The man ignores Black for the most part, preferring to read a large hardback book instead, Crime And Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky. Judging from the stamp on the spine, the book appears to have been checked out of the library. Black guides the man down the ramp, but the man seems to scarcely notice, remaining engrossed in the book.

"You must be joking," B.B. says, shaking his head in disbelief, "Where did you dig that fellow up? The public library? Was he the biggest library patron you could find? How desperate can you get!"

Black somehow gets the man up the stairs and through the ropes as he continues to read his book. Black, a skinny white man with dirty blonde hair and a big grin in a cheap green suit, takes a microphone and says to B.B., "Sorry for the delay, but the new find for my stable of wrestlers really likes to read, so sometimes it's hard to get him to stop reading. In fact, he likes to read so much I call him 'The Reader', but his real name is Page Turner. We've named some of his moves after books he likes too. There's "The Heart Of Darkness, and then there's "The Tropic Of Cancer." Oh, and "Finnegans Wake", you won't wake up if he hits you with that. And then . . . uh, what else is there? Oh, yeah, "Empire Of The Senseless" is another one you don't want him to catch you in."

Turner lies down on the ring, continuing to read.

"This is an empire of the senseless. You're joking, right?" B.B. says to Black.

Black shakes his head no.

"Do you really expect me to believe this bookworm can beat me, the most awesome wrestler ever?"

Black nods yes.

B.B. whinnies in disgust, "Well, first of all, your new 'find' is going to have a lot of time to read because I'm going to put him in the hospital, and then you and I are going to settle accounts, and you're going down for the count."

B.B. hands the mike to Mr. Wodehouse, and walks over to where Turner lies on the ground reading. He shouts at Turner, who ignores him, "Hey! You made a wrong choice getting mixed up with this lot! You should have stayed at the library, Mr. I Like To Read."

B.B. kicks Turner in the side. Turner glances up from the book, annoyed, but goes back to reading, so B.B. kicks the book out of the ring.

"Now, you've done it!" Black says, and rolls out of the ring.

The bell rings and the match begins. Turner gets up while B.B. pummels him. Turner stretches his arms wide like he's opening up an oversized book and pushes B.B. away, then he rushes and clotheslines the dazed B.B. who falls to the mat like a ton of books. Turner then falls himself, dropping an elbow on the prone B.B. He goes for the pin then, seemingly impatient to get back to reading, but B.B. kicks out. B.B. gets up and puts Turner into a headlock and whips him into the corner. As he charges him, Turner moves aside and climbs the ropes ("Oh, no, he's going to hit you with 'Wuthering Heights'," Black cries from ringside) and DDTs B.B. headfirst into the mat. Turner goes for the pin, but Mr. Wodehouse interferes and pulls B.B. out of the ring. Black grapples with Mr. Wodehouse outside the ring, while a groggy B.B. climbs back into the ring, only to be met with "The Crying Of Lot 49" by Turner and the match is over. Meanwhile, outside the ring, Black has clubbed Mr. Wodehouse in the head with Crime And Punishment and the butler crumbles like an overtoasted crumpet. The crowd cheers. See, kids, knowledge is power, and reading can be fun!

Immediately after his victory, Turner leaves the ring, retrieves his book from beside Mr. Wodehouse's skull, and picks up reading where he left off, a bit ticked that B.B. made him lose his place.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.