"Didn't we see this ad already?" Francine asks Jake, as they sit in the movie theater waiting for the lights to go down and the movie to begin.
Jake watches the screen as it displays an advertisement for Pounds Prison, a new weight loss system in which a person who wants to lose weight gets locked up and put on a starvation diet.
The next ad is for the concession counter and is basically food porn: Shots of candy, hot dogs, popcorn, soda, and other refreshments that make Jake hungry.
"Yeah, I think we saw that Pounds Prison one before," Jake says, "And here I thought we might be late, but they haven't even started the previews yet."
"I suspect Pounds Prison will soon be getting a visit from F.A.T.A.S.S. Do you want some popcorn?"
Jake salivates, "Yes, thank you."
A family comes in and, despite the half-empty theater, sit right next to Francine and Jake in the back row. There's a mom, a dad, two kids who age probably in the single digits, and a baby.
"Isn't this film rated R?" Francine says.
Jake nods, as the baby starts to cry, and the kids chatter to one another.
"Probably not a film for the kiddies," Jake says.
Francine and Jake look at one another.
"Why don't we sit closer to the screen?" Francine says.
Jake says, "Sounds like a plan," and they move a few rows up and as far to the other side of the theater from the crying baby as they can.
Nearby, two guys hold a conversation.
"Should we move again?" Francine asks.
"They'll probably quiet down when the movie starts," Jake says.
The lights go off and the previews start. Among them is a lesson in basic moviegoing etiquette: DON'T put your feet up on the seats, DON'T talk during the movie, DO turn cell phones off, and so forth.
The guys behind Francine and Jake talk through it.
"It's sad they have to explicitly tell people things that should be common sense," Jake says.
"Well, the baby boomers were too busy finding their 'inner child' to actually parent their children, and it's only gotten worse from there in terms of civility and people having basic manners. Plus in this neighborhood, it's not Father's Day coming up, but 'Who's My Father?' Day, so the moms get so worn out that the kids basically raise themselves and do that about as well as you'd imagine them doing that," Francine says.
The movie, Borat & Bruno Meet Dracula & Frankenstein, starts, but the guys keep talking. Francine flashes them a dirty look.
The guys keep talking.
"I think they've seen it before and are providing their own DVD commentary," Jake says, as he and Francine move a few rows up and as far to the other side of the theater from the talking guys as they can.
All goes well for a time, except for the occasional background wail of the baby, until a cell phone rings.
"Hello! What up? I'm at the movies. Yeah, I'm watching that new Borat movie. Yeah, it funny. What you doing? That right? Uh, huh. . . ."
Jake and Francine move and don't catch the rest of the conversation. They move to the front row and as far to the other side of the theater from the cell phone user as possible.
All goes well for a time until someone yells, "Shut that fucking baby up, or I'm going to beat that shit out of you and the baby!"
There's a commotion in the back of the theater, but Francine and Jake just keep watching the movie.
As the credits roll, Francine says to Jake, "So, what'd you think?"
"It was hilarious, but my neck hurts, so I'll wait for the DVD next time I want to see a movie."
Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.
Posts
15 hours ago
0 comments:
Post a Comment