Blog Love Omega Glee: Caution: Heel Turn Ahead (23 June 2012)

This evening's Grapple Groove features the return of Rod Ironinbed from his back injury and surgery. Such a return would be exciting, except nearly every week a wrestler returns from some horrible injury or another. For a fake sport, professional wrestling has real pain for its participants. Of course, wrestling storylines also include a lot of false injuries, so for a viewer such as Jake, it can be difficult to tell when a wrestler is really hurt or when the wrestler is milking a malady for the audience or an injury is used as an excuse for a wrestler's absence while he or she is filming a movie for several months. Over the years he's watched wrestling, Jake's learned to tell the difference though. If the announcers, cameras, and ring inhabitants (usually the wrestlers and the referee) are focusing on the injury, then it's usually fake, or a "work" as it's called in wrestling, or if the announcers suddenly start talking about something else, the camera cuts away, the referee has crossed his arms in an x over his head to call out medical assistance, one wrestler is unconscious or writhing in pain, and the other wrestlers look worried, then it's usually real, or a "shoot" as it's called in wrestling.

"Work" and "shoot" apply not just to injuries, but to numerous aspects of wrestling, and Jake's not sure which word applies to what Rod Ironinbed is doing as he addresses the crowd, as Rod seems to be drawing on some real emotion responding to the crowd's underwhelming applause for his triumphant return. The Samoan Stud walks from side to side of the ring with what looks to be a large pepperoni stick stuffed down his trunks. "That's it?" Rod asks, repeatedly jabbing his right index finger in the direction of his pepperoni stick, "I spend months in rehab to recover from what could have been a career-ending injury and you people react to my return like I just came back from walking across the street to buy a Poca-Cola? I should have had a standing ovation the moment I came down the ramp."

Leaning on the top rope, Rod looks at the crowd. He shakes his head, puts the microphone again to his mouth, and continues, "All right, if that's how you feel. If we're being honest tonight, then I have to tell you that I've never liked you people either. I don't care about you. I only want your money. In fact, except for your money, you people mean nothing to me. In fact, you make me sick. Look . . ."

Rod stops and grimaces, then continues, "I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. That hideous woman in the third row caused it I think, but it's hard to say because you're all so loathsome. I used to try to make you people like me, but you people are small-minded. You're never going to accept me, are you? So buzz off. You can lick my kumquats."

He points into the crowd, "You! In The Waffle Warrior t-shirt! I'm going to delight in beating him up just to annoy you. You! With The Java Jolter sign, I'm going to tear that out of your hands and stick it up The Jolter's nose!"

Music comes across the arena speakers, the sounds of power tools and factory noises, all to a vaguely uptempo country beat. Down the ramp comes Bob Bluecollar, dressed in his usual blue collared-shirt and with his tool belt containing a screwdriver, hammer, and other tools useful in hardcore matches. Rod stops berating the crowd and watches Bob enter the ring. Bob picks up a microphone, "Rod! Rod, what is the matter with you? I know coming back from an injury is nerveracking, but don't take it out on the crowd. They're happy to see you back, right?"

The crowd boos. Rod smirks and throws up his hands. Bob says, "Well, they've just been talked to harshly by you. I'm sure they'll forgive you if you apologize."

Rod looks down, looks at the crowd, looks at Bob, looks at the microphone, and raises it up to say, "You're right, Bob. I am sorry . . . that I didn't tell them to kiss my ass too!"

Dropping the microphone to the mat, Rod kicks the shocked Bob in the groin, then delivers his patented finishing move The Lightning Rod to Bob, and leaves Bob sprawled out in the middle of the the ring.

Jake guesses he's just witnessed the beginning of a Rod-Bob feud, and hopes that it'll be more interesting than the last time when Bob was the heel and Rod the face.

It probably won't be, but Jake will tune in anyway just to find out for sure.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.