Blog Love Omega Glee: And Will The Real Vice-President Please Stand Up? (8 June 2012)

"Now that the major party presidential nominations are decided all but formally, all the political junkies start to obsess on the vice-presidential picks as if it were a horse race. This is because presidential politics is a horse race, but one where the bettors all lose, the horses race rearfirst, and none of the owners of the horses ever clean up the hordes of horseshit they leave behind. What else would you expect of people who spend millions of dollars to get a job that only pays thousands? We left the land of the sane long ago and now reside in The United States Of America, where we the people are wee people," Francine writes in her blog post entitled "Please Don't Forget To Water The Vice-President Before You Leave For The Evening".

After picking Poorpeople for the Republican nomination and Clinton for the Democratic nomination, Francine asks her blog readers to comment on whom they think will get the nods to possibly nod off for the next four years in the laziest position in the federal government, a job in which one could go on vacation after the inauguration and no one would notice unless the president died.

"Kung Fu Kit Carson" comments, "I disagree with your characterization of the vice-presidency, Francine. I think it is a very important job. Dick used it to be president before he actually was president. And Al Gore used his time valuably then to invent the Internet."

"Bessy From Boston" comments, "I think they should decide it like American Idol and have people vote for their favorite. They should also make it like a talent show, and have a bathing suit competition as well."

"The End Is Vi" comments, "It'll be decided at the Bilderberg conference this month. They audition the finalists there. They don't let us peons know until the conventions though, when they pretend it's a surprise."

"God Willing And The Creek Don't Rise" comments, "I think Dick and Poorpeople hate each other too much. Ditto for Polipo and Clinton. I don't see either happening. I can see Dick going with Clinton again though. Anb Dessy don't we vote for them already in the election anyway? I don't ever want to see Poorpeople in swim trunks! Having to look at him in a regular suit is bad enough!"

"Discount Drug Deals" spams, "Hey guys! I just got a great deal on electronics! Computers, music players, software, vice-presidents, and more! Just click here!"

"Bessy From Boston" comments, "Kit, Gore didn't invent the Internet while being vice-president. In fact, he didn't invent it at all, but he did show considerable foresight when he was in Congress and supported its development extensively."

"The End Is Vi" comments, "I don't care who they pick. I'm voting for Kitty O'Couscous anyway. Vote third party!"

"Kung Fu Kit Carson" comments, "I think Francine's right about Poorpeople. Despite how he and Dick feel about one another, at the end of the day, they know they need one another to win. That is, if the fix isn't in already anyway."

"Dialup Still Rocks" comments, "I miss the 1990s. Can Gore be VP again?"

"Antichrist Ron" comments, "I don't care who they pick either because I expect the rapture will take place between now and election day. It's not too late to save your souls, folks!"

"Kung Fu Kit Carson" comments, "Thanks for the clarification, Bessy! By the way I like your American Idol idea, but I'd prefer it be like Survivor and we get to vote the losers out of the country!"

"Bessy From Boston" comments, "I don't know who it's going to be either, but I hope it's a woman. Men have been running this country into the ground for centuries. It's time for a woman to run it into the ground!"

"The End Is Vi!" comments, "I kind of liked that Barack Obama guy, but Dick put him in Guantanamo Bay alongside Dennis Kucinich and Ron Paul. I still don't believe they were trying to blow up The Statue Of Liberty like Dick said they were."

"Dialup Still Rocks" comments, "Hey, that spammer's back, Francine!"

"Bessy From Boston" comments, "Just ignore him and Antichrist Ron, Dialup! It's the best policy. The spammer's automated and moved on by now anyway. We can't get so lucky with Ron, unfortunately."

"Kung Fu Kit Carson" comments, "Hey, I wonder if that electronics store has presidents half off. Get it? Half off! Dick just is a head! Get it! Ha!"

"Bessy From Boston" comments, "We get it, Kit."

"Antichrist Ron" comments, "You might be able to ignore me, but you won't be able to ignore Jesus when he comes back."

"Kung Fu Kit Carson" comments, "Jesus for Veep! This way if the president dies, he can just raise him back from the dead. Best. V. P. Ever!"

"Francine" comments, "Thanks, guys. I'd just like to point out that Jesus isn't an American citizen so he unfortunately can't serve as vice-president."

"Dialup Still Rocks" comments, "I get it, Kit."

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.