Blog Love Omega Glee: Meet The Nutjob (5 May 2012)

Hungover, Jake takes a second cup of coffee from the free coffee dispensers at the Meet The Nutjobs independent media conference. Last night, Lucy persuaded him to go out for a drink after they left work after midnight, and, as a result, he overslept this morning, getting to the conference late. He hopes he hasn't missed Francine. Just his luck, he thinks, after months with no female attention, now he has two in the picture at once. Of course, Francine is probably just a blog buddy anyway. Jake sips his coffee and taps the sticker nametag he's wearing on his shirt absentmindedly as he scans the conference hall for someone who looks like Francine.

"'Scuse me, buddy," an older white man with a tied-up ponytail says as he walks up to Jake, "You're standing in front of the coffee."

"Oops! Sorry," Jake says, and moves aside.

The man takes a cup and opens the coffee tap. When it's filled, he stops the tap and takes a drink, "Ahh! Man, I needed that!"

The man looks at Jake and sticks his right hand out, "Alan Yippie. I've been publishing Taoism Incandescent Terrific Times Illuminates Erie since the 1960s, or, as I like to call it for short, 'Tittie'. I started out working with d.a. levy on a letterpress, and now I'm on the Web."

Jake shakes his hand, "Uh, I'm Jake. I do a blog."

"A blog, huh? What's it about?"

"Uh, professional wrestling."

"Wrestling, huh? You know that stuff's fake, don't you?"

Jake suppresses rage inside of him, and says, "Uh, yeah, I treat it as an underappreciated art form."

"Ah, I'm just fooling with you. I used to go see wrestling at the old Cleaveland Arena all the time. Of course, they used to have the hippie wrestlers lose matches all the time. That always kind of bugged me, but it was preferable to shooting the hippies like they did down at Kent State. Hard to believe it was 42 years ago yesterday. I was there, you know. I ducked behind a tree when they started shooting. Good old Mother Nature saved my ass. That's society though, always trying to divide us. But we're all the same, man. We're all vibrations of the same divinity. I wish people would realize that, and stop being so uptight and trapped in the box of their own consciousness."

Jake nods, continuing to look past Alan for Francine. Jake takes a drink of coffee, and realizes that his first cup has run right through him, and is speeding for the exit. "Uh, do you know where the restrooms are?" he asks Alan.

"This is some potent stuff, huh?" Alan says, holding up his cup, "C'mon, I'll show ya. I have to go myself. My bladder's pretty much shot. I don't know if that's from all the drugs I used to take, or just from growing old. Come to think of it, I still take a lot of drugs, but now they're all legal and prescribed by my doctor. So I still take drugs, just different ones. I liked the fun ones better. Growing old is kind of bummer, man, in that regard, but spiritually I'm so much better. I'm the best I've ever been. I can just read people's auras now. There's a lot of good vibes in this room. It gives me hope for the future. I'm really starting to believe we're headed for a new age."

As he chitchats, Alan leads Jake into the hallway, "The women's restroom is right there, but we've got to go around the corner here for the men's. See, it's just what I told you, they're always trying to divide us."

As they pass the women's room, a young white woman with short brunette hair comes out the door. "Hey, Franny, how's it going?" Alan says, and walks over to her.

Jake stops and watches them shake hands. He gets a bit jittery and blames the coffee but knows it's for another reason. "Hey, I just met this cat at the coffeepot. He does a blog like you," Alan says, "His is about wrestling though. His name's, uh, . . ."

"Jake," Francine says, meeting Jake's eyes.

"Francine?" Jake says.

"Yes," she says and smiles.

"How'd you know it was me?" Jake says as they shake hands.

"I think my first clue was the nametag with 'Jake' on it."

"Oh, that's right," Jake says, looking down at his nametag.

"I didn't put my nametag on," Alan says, "That's just another way for society to divide us. We're all the same, man. In fact, I'm going to protest this segmentation and atomization of our society by using the women's restroom. Plus I really have to go, and don't think I can make it around the corner to the men's room. Getting old is a long, strange trip, man. I may have to wear diapers soon. Life is like a circle; we end up where we began."

Alan goes into the women's restroom. Francine and Jake hear someone scream inside, then a slap, then some yelling. Alan comes back out, his face red. "Man, people are so uptight these days. I even told her I was a woman in a past life, but she was still acting like she owned the public restroom. Power to the people! Piss too! Anyway, I'll talk to you guys later. I gotta go," he says, as he half-runs/half-wobbles around the corner.

"So," Francine says, "I see you've been meeting some of the nutjobs already."

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.