A blissful couple of weeks reigned at Caffeine Eden while Tom and Larry weren't on speaking terms. Each would stake out a different corner, and hide behind their respective newspapers. They'd try to strike up conversations about current events with other patrons of the coffeehouse, but with little success. So like gravity drawing a ball thrown up in the air back down to Earth, they have come back together, a bit grudgingly, but together. After all, no one else would talk with them. As sweet as it was to have peace and quiet, it was bittersweet since the obvious loneliness of the pair of old men made even Jake feel a bit sad. So as he sits today suffering through one of their inane conversations he tries to keep that in mind, and be kind.
"Did you ever worry about whether or not you were the AntiChrist?" Tom says, taking a sip of coffee.
"Uh . . . no," Larry replies, looking up from his copy of The Cleaveland Advertiser.
"Hmmph!" Tom says.
Larry sets his newspaper down, "That reminds me though, you know that great die-off we were talking about the other day, where like most of the human population is going to, well, die off as the apocalypse starts?"
Tom nods, "Uh huh."
"Well, is the apocalypse going to be covered under my homeowners insurance?"
"I would think so. Did you check the fine print?"
"Well, it's just that it's an act of God, right? So the insurance company wouldn't have to pay since you can't sue God. Sovereign immunity or something."
"No, it's not an act of God. It's an act of the devil, so it would be covered. Unless the devil gets a good corporate lawyer--I'm sure he's got lots of those--and the devil's advocate argues that God put the devil up to it so the devil should not be liable. Of course, the insurance company probably has some good lawyers too, so it could go either way."
"My insurance company is going to collect from Satan?"
"As long as you get paid, who cares whom they collect from? That's the cost of doing business. They've calculated all that stuff out and priced your premium based on the odds."
"Wait! If it's the apocalypse, then how can I collect? Won't my insurance company be destroyed too?"
Jake hears a loud growl, and then the shriek of a chair backing up sharply across the floor. A man with a red goatee, who had been sitting in a corner having a whispered conversation with another businessman, gets up and limps over to Tom and Larry's table. "Gentlemen," he says, "My name is Louis Carson Fir and I'm trying to conduct a business meeting. Could you please keep it down?"
Tom and Larry look at one another. "But aren't you worried about the apocalypse?" Larry says.
"The apocalypse happens everyday to somebody somewhere," Fir says.
"That's not what it says in The Bible," Larry says, digging out his copy, which he lays down on the table and flips through to get to The Book of Revelation, "It starts with a horse or a lamb or something."
"Hilarious, the old stories are the good ones," Fir says, pulling up a chair, "Look if you want to know the meaning of life or whatever, please let me break it down for you. There's a big blob of nothing."
Fir picks up Tom's coffee cup and spills some coffee out of it.
"Hey!" Tom says.
"Don't worry, it's sacrificed for a good cause," Fir says, "So say this coffee is everything there is. Eventually, the coffee gets bored being just coffee so it becomes a bunch of different things, which eventually adds up to us, the world, whatever. After it's done splitting up into lots of different things, it gets bored with that too, so it starts working its way back to being a big blob of coffee again. This goes on and on throughout eternity. Just enjoy the ride, and don't worry about anything as we're all the same thing."
"We're all hazelnut coffee?" Larry says, "I wish we were French vanilla. I like that better."
Jake wonders if the Milky Way is where the cream got added.
Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.
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