Blog Love Omega Glee: The Best Time To Commit A Crime (26 April 2012)

"Fred! Dinner!" Jake's mom yells, taking reheated lasagna out of the oven and bringing it to the dining room table.

She sits down in her chair, drops her black and blue poofy oven gloves at the side of her placemat, rests her chin in her left hand, and on the table taps the fingers of her right hand like a idiolectic version of Morse code which translates to "Where is that man? He was just here. Why does he always disappear at dinnertime?" She sighs, serves up some lasagna for herself, and yells, "Fred! It's hot now!"

"All right, all right," Jake's dad comes in from the living room, a folded newspaper tucked between his right elbow and right side and clutching a television remote control in his left hand, which he uses to turn up the volume on the local news program while settling into his seat awkwardly until he can drop the newspaper on the table and focus his efforts on clawing the remote..

A news report on the funeral of a Cleaveland policeman BECOMES VERY LOUD AND EVEN LOUDER WHEN THEY SHOW FOOTAGE OF THE BAGPIPERS AND THEN THE RIFLE SALUTE.

"Fred! Turn it down!"

"All right, all right! Ach! The buttons on this remote always get stuck. I didn't mean to turn it up that loud."

"You shouldn't be watching it at all. I thought we agreed on no television during dinner. We're supposed to talk. We're a family."

"All right, all right!" Dad turns off the tv.

It pops back on again. "It's sticking again on the power button. We need a new remote," Dad says, as he manages to successfully turn off the tv again, and this time it stays off.

"For crying out loud. You and that television."

"Where's Jake? You were yelling at me, but he's not here either."

"He's at work, remember? He works second shift now."

"Oh, that's right. Well, what do you want to talk about?"

"I don't know. Whatever, your day."

"Another day, another dollar. I see they were having a funeral for that cop who got shot."

"Yes, that was sad. It's nice all those police officers turn out to support one another."

"Ach, it's a big waste of money. I bet half of them were on the clock while they were there. Meanwhile, who's defending the citizens while they're all at the funeral?"

"Fred!"

"If I were a criminal, that's when I'd commit my crime. When all the cops are at a funeral, that's a good time to knock over a bank."

"I'm sure there's somebody covering things."

"Oh, you never know. There were a lot of cops there. It's like September 11th. The armed forces were conducting war games involving hijacked airplanes, and while they were so distracted, the real thing happened."

"Somebody on the inside knew."

"I tell you the only good thing about 9/11 is that New York City policemen finally learned that terrorism wasn't good. When I was younger and living in New York, they'd have these Irish cops come through the bar soliciting donations for the I.R.A. It was like a shakedown and I knew the money was going for bombs in Belfast and London. When things were exploding in their own town, then they finally figured out that funding terrorism wasn't a nice thing. When it was somebody else's town, they didn't seem to much care."

"You didn't give money to them, did you?"

"No, I wouldn't contribute. They'd lean on me, but the bartender would tell them I was cheap, and only there to help my brother get home, and eventually they'd move on. So what crime do you want to commit the next time there's a cop funeral?"

"What?"

"I'm serious. I think we could get away with it. Anyone you want to murder? I can think of a few people I'd like to get rid of."

"Oh, this conversation is ridiculous. I don't want to talk about crime and terrorism and murdering people at dinnertime. That's not cheerful dinner talk. You might as well put the news back on if that's all you're going to talk about."

Dad smiles and the television goes back on.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.