Blog Love Omega Glee: V2K12 (20 April 2012)

Francine gets an email from Evil Journalista: "Evil Journalista liked your expose on how Dick's dog got a bestselling book, but we've got bigger problems now. Evil Journalista was on a drinking binge with a source in a suburb of Washington D.C.--no, it wasn't that strip club in the news; Evil Journalista and accomplice got away with their escapades--and the source drunkenly confessed that Dick is getting frustrated with not being able to wrap up the Republican nomination, especially now that Polipo's pretty much wrapped up the Democratic nomination, so he wants to bring out the big guns, and by big guns he means experimental military weapons, to finish off Poorpeople. He doesn't want to bump him off with a plane crash or anything though because he's thinking now that the national unity government is over he needs a new vice-president and he thinks Poorpeople might be good for helping him carry Ohio if he can't just cheat and win there like he tried to do with the primary--no surprise that when they did the recount with the paper ballots they found that Dick lost in a buckeye avalanche. So Evil Journalista's source told him that Dick wants to experiment with voice to skull technology, but on a mass scale. This sort of base hyena hysteria was expected, but Evil Journalista never thought the bloodcrazed scumfuck would do it on such a mass scale. Instead of just harassing a few targeted individuals with thoughts in their heads for experimental or vendetta purposes, he wants to blanket an entire state with mass microwave psychotronic electromagnetic frequencies telling people to 'Stick with Dick!' He thinks this will be better than negative campaign television ads, spam emails, blogcasts on his website, door to door canvassing, and robocalls. That's right, better double down on the methamphetamine if you live in Pennsylvania in order to keep the voices out of your head. Dick is going to use military satellites and airplanes spraying chemtrails to blanket the state with mindbending messages right in voters' heads! And some of those geezers in PA probably haven't had a thought in years so this will scare them from the state government chambers of Harrisburg to the cheesesteak joints in Philly. And Western Pennsylvania. Evil Journalista doesn't even want to think about Western PA, those people are fricking nuts already. You know what voice to skull is, right? Or V2K as Evil Journalista's pals in the services with their penchant for abbreviations like to call it. Well, this is a SNAFU if Evil Journalista ever saw one. Dick wants to use V2K on the commonwealth of Pennsylvania. They're going to broadcast messages about how great Dick is into people's skulls using these microwaves. So you'll be sitting there drinking coffee, or whatever those jackals in Pennsylvania like to do, and the next thing is you'll hear a voice in your head talking about how great Dick is and how exciting it will be to vote for him. No one knows what will happen when you unleash this technology on millions of people, but they know what happens when you unleash it on one person: it drives them batshit. They think they're crazy. Schizophrenic. They don't tell anybody at first because they don't want people to think they're crazy, but when the voices in their head become too much and they do tell somebody about it, of course, people think they're crazy, but it's just the government stroking their latest experimental weapons, and they happen to be the poor fool at the other end of the telepathy shooting range. Out for a test run in somebody's fucking skull! They can even read the target's thoughts, so it is also the most effective political poll device ever created as well. Though in this case with scanning that many people at once, it's probably all going to be gibberish. Half the time people don't even know what they're doing, much less why anyway. So Dick's going to fill in their mental gaps with ads for his campaign, and everybody in Pennsylvania's going to be crazy when Dick tries this. The last time anyone saw this much insanity there was the Whiskey Rebellion, and this will make that look like a temperance meeting. Or if not that manic, then at least as unsettling as maybe the last time the Steelers won the Super Bowl or the supermarkets ran out of scrapple. Whatever the case, Evil Journalista is going to stay far away from the Pennsylvania border, and Evil Journalista is going to stock up on guns and bourbon because you can never have too much of either. Please alert your readers in the Keystone state."

Francine begins to think that she should just give Evil Journalista his own column on her blog.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.