Blog Love Omega Glee: Since The Public Isn't Educated, Why Not Abolish Public Education? (4 April 2012)

The latest boondoggling squabble in the presidential race stems from Sen. Rob Poorpeople's comments about abolishing public education to help balance federal, state, and local budgets. This proposal has attracted even more attention than Dick's controversial comments about exterminating 90% of the human race from a few days ago. Poorpeople said, "The government ought to get out of the education business, and cut it all out, I mean every bit of it, like a pig from its snout all the way to its tail. I mean speaking of pigs, I've had piglets smarter than some public school graduates, and I didn't have to pay any money for that. They tasted better too, by the way."

Noting that Poorpeople's children attended an exclusive and expensive private school in the Washington D.C. suburbs, a reporter asked Poorpeople how everyone could afford to provide their children with an education if there weren't any public schools, to which he answered, "The magic of the marketplace," and made sprinkling fairy dust motions with his hands.

On the television, the president says, "We need public funding for education, but parents deserve choices. That's why I support vouchers, and students can attend whatever school they want to, private or public."

One of his big campaign contributors runs a network of private charter schools who would benefit from vouchers. He also hopes to get the religious vote by funneling public money to keep their struggling schools open. The public school teacher unions always vote for the Democrats anyway so he has little to lose by spiting them.

Masani, sitting in the living room with Francine, watching a news segment on the uproar, says, "I don't think I can take much more of this. Will this presidential race ever end?"

Francine laughs and says, "Not until we all lose. Poorpeople's got a point though. I'd abolish public education."

"Say what?" Masani says, "Girl,.have you been using my cough syrup to make purple drank again?"

"No, I'm not crunking. I mean look at society. If the whole point of funding public schools is to have an educated citizenry who are wise enough to make good decisions in self-governing our democracy, then we've failed. I mean look at the idiots in the presidential race! This is the best our nation can produce for leaders?"

"Well, Polipo's not bad."

"Please. That's the guy who voted to draft us, remember?"

"Not me, Sweetie, I'm too old."

"Yet. Wait until they raise the age limits."

"Well, you make the best of what's around. I may not like everything about Polipo but he's better than these two bozos. I mean abolishing public education? If you think people are foolish now, just wait until there are no more schools."

"Oh, they'll be schools. The rest of us just won't be forced to pay to educate someone else's kids through our taxes."

"And how's that going to happen?" Masani says, moving her fingers to sprinkle fairy dust, "Fairies?"

"Yes, the Education Fairy will come save us," Francine says, laughing.

"I mean the schools I went to weren't great, but I made the best of them. I found the good teachers, and used the library."

"My experiences were different. I got bullied in the public schools, and no school authority ever did anything about it because the kids who did it were popular, or athletes, or whatever bullshit criteria they used to justify doing nothing about it. 'Kids being kids' usually means letting 'kids beat kids'. Finally my parents put me in Catholic school which was much better. Except for seeing a man nailed to a cross in every classroom. That was a bit depressing. And having to say the Pledge of Allegiance and the Hail Mary every morning. And all my classmates who got pregnant because the sex education consisted of abstinence only."

"Well, I did sometimes think school would be better if it were voluntary and only the kids who really wanted to learn went. The teachers had to spend a lot of time on discipline because a lot of the kids didn't want to be there. That did impede the learning."

"They should make it voluntary, and they should make it voluntary to pay for it too. I don't have any kids. Why should I have to pay to educate all the kids that woman across the street pumps out."

"She should stop having kids. She's like a baby factory."

"Well, maybe she would, if she had to pay for their education."

"But what if she wouldn't? It isn't the kids' fault. They deserve an education."

"Well, there's always the public library."

Francine and Masani look at one another.

Poorpeople appears on the television and says, "And what's the deal with those taxpayer-funded libraries? Haven't people ever heard of bookstores?"

Masani turns the television off, "Next, he'll be talking about the Book Fairy. I guess that's what it's like to grow up rich. You never know that other people's lives aren't like yours and they don't have all the advantages you have."

Francine says, "I do think he needs a visit from the Brain Fairy."

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.