Blog Love Omega Glee: The Angry Housewife Finds A New Use For The Blender (14 April 2012)

A bit of easy listening orchestral music plays on Grapple Groove. The pleasant but mediocre sounds soon become laced with screams, which occasionally ungarble themselves into recognizable snatches of American English such as "I slaved over this dinner all day and you come home drunk!" and "Why don't you try staying home with the children, and see how 'easy' it is?"

Jake, watching on television, perks up his ears because the music means one of his favorite wrestlers, The Angry Housewife, is about to be in da house. Or, actually, out of the house and in the wrestling arena.

Wearing a blue apron and a scowl over her wrestling singlet, a woman with frazzled hair like a perm gone horribly, horribly wrong approaches the ring, pushing a vacuum cleaner and carrying a blender. On the way, she stops and scolds fans, who yell back at her. One young man gets his baseball hat turned on his head from back to front, "as it should be" according to The Angry Housewife. A young woman is told to tuck in her shirt, and to next time wear a dress like "a proper young lady".

When The Housewife reaches the ring, her opponent, The Right Wing Blonde, who as of late has been on a libertarian slant, complains that The Housewife should let fans dress the way they want since that's freedom. The housewife stares blankly at her like she's just taken some tranquilizers to get through the afternoon.

The bell rings, and The Housewife snaps out of it, and fans are treated to some impressive distaff technical wrestling on the mat rather than the cheesecake portion of the program that they were perhaps expecting.

The anticipated dessert arrives however when The Housewife starts to choke The Right Wing Blonde with The Blonde's Barbara Bushesque pearl necklace, and tears off her blue Monica Lewinskyesque dress, complaining in the process that The Blonde wears her hemlines too high. The Blonde wears S&M leather underwear and is quite embarrassed at this turn of events, covering herself with her arms as best she can. The referee, trying to be chivalrous, gets out of the ring to get her dress back which The Housewife has thrown out of the ring. While the ref's back is turned, The Housewife grabs the pitcher from her blender and whacks The Blonde over the back of the head with it. The cheap plastic shatters (if she had used glass she would have killed The Blonde so pardon her appliance faux pas), and The Blonde folds over like laundry fresh out of the dryer. The referee returns with the blue dress, but finding The Housewife pinning The Blonde, drops it and himself to the mat where he slaps his hand, counting 1-2-3.

As the ref raises The Angry Housewife's hand in victory, she points at her prone opponent and asks the ref to please take out the trash since her husband isn't here to do it. When he looks at her confused, she gets her vacuum cleaner and starts to vacuum her opponent until security makes her stop.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.