Blog Love Omega Glee: Your Services Are No Longer Required, So Please Die Quietly And In An Orderly Fashion (30 March 2012)

Though some of the earlier primary elections canceled by the strange severe weather haven't been made up yet, and Dick and Poorpeople continue to squabble over charges of vote fraud in Ohio, attention in the presidential campaigns has turned to the next big primary, which is in Pennsylvania. Francine has been seriously looking into the tip received from Evil Journalista that something odd is going on between Dick and his dog Chess. She watches the television news coverage of a live campaign event in New Castle, Pennsylvania, where Secret Service agents seem to outnumber actual attendees. Dick wears a Red Hurricanes "NC" baseball hat on a stage set up on one end of the downtown diamond, and his small black and white dog chews and pulls on one of his "arms". "No!" Dick says to the dog, "Stop it! I said 'No'!"

Dick shakes off the dog and turns his attention to the crowd, er, group of people who if a lot more of them were there then might be charitably described as a crowd. The dog barks, but it sounds like she says, "Don't tell them!"

Dick ignores the dog. An aide comes to scoop her up, but she nips his hand and runs over to bite on Dick's arm again, but a poof! of compressed air comes from the end of the arm and the dog tumbles tail over head into an opened canine carrier, and another aide shuts the door. "Heh, heh," Dick says, "She's so excited to be here in . . ."

Dick waves over an aide who runs over to his side. "Where are we again?" Dick whispers, while maintaining an awkward sneer that aspires to be a smile on his face as he continues to look at the "crowd".

The aide checks a clipboard, and whispers something in Dick's ear.

Dick turns to the crowd, and berates them, "That was your cue folks to show some civic pride. Instead I'll have to lead you in a chant. We! Are! N! C!"

Nobody responds, but one old black man stands up using a walker and says, "Never mind that Mr. President. We know we're in New Castle even if you don't. What we don't know is what you are going to do to help the average person in these hard times. My children and grandchildren can't find jobs!"

An elderly white woman raises a cane, "And what about Social Security! It doesn't even keep up with inflation anymore."

Dick raises one noodly appendage and waves it in their direction. A pair of Secret Service agents emerge and tase the two senior citizens, who collapse.

"Ah, they must have fainted from the heat," Dick says.

It is 45 degrees Fahrenheit outside.

Dick watches the seniors being dragged away out of the rally cordon, and says to the agents, "Please make sure they receive prompt medical attention, and put a 'Stick with Dick' button on them when you're done as a consolation prize for missing the rest of this wonderful event."

"Sorry about the interruption folks, but you know the needs of our citizens must always take priority. In any case, I can understand your concerns about the economy. You just don't quite comprehend that human beings are going to be superfluous in the future. You see the basic problem is that between rapid development of biotechnology, cybergeneticals, nanotechnology, robotics, and artificial intelligence, human labor isn't as needed as much as it was in the past. Absent something like extermination of 90% of the human race, it's going to be difficult to bring down unemployment. For the most part, the rich just don't need the rest of you anymore. However, it's puzzling to me that the armed forces always have a shortage of recruits, yet you people always complain you can't find jobs. Just go down to your local recruiting center if you need work. And, as for Social Security, the reason we cut out cost of living adjustments is quite frankly you old people aren't dying fast enough. You're living longer than expected, but lacking a substantial increase of numbers of current workers paying Social Security taxes in ratio to the number of retirees they support, as was the case in the past, we can barely keep you afloat at the current levels of payments. So if you really want to do something for your children and grandchildren, consider doing what the Governor of Alaska has recommended recently for older citizens concerned about that state's budget crisis: Get on an ice floe and drift away into the sea when you feel you need to ease the burden on future generations. Heh, heh, though you might not have as many ice floes here in . . ."

An aide runs over and whispers in Dick's ear. Dick nods and proceeds, as the aide runs back to his position on the side of the stage, ". . . Nude Castle, as they do in Alaska, so you might have to come up with something else. In any case, I'm still deciding the best way to deal with the economy and believe me all options, including mass extermination, are on the table. Sometimes tough choices need to be made. Good thing you have me to make them because you and my opponents could never do it."

Aides rush Dick offstage, while one of them takes to the podium and explains that the president has to go, since he's expected in--a quick glance at his clipboard--Big Beaver at one.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.