Blog Love Omega Glee: How We Will All Become Millionaires Someday (14 March 2012)

"Jake!" Jake's dad yells from downstairs.

Jake sighs, and stops reading Francine's blog on the computer. He gets up and goes downstairs. His dad's in the study. Dad has his reading glasses on and is sitting in front of the computer. He's holding a letter in his hand and cursing.

"Yeah, Dad, what's up?"

"Yes, not yeah."

Jake rolls his eyes, "What do you need?"

Dad holds up the letter, and says, "I got this letter from the bank. They're not going to send out monthly statements by mail anymore. They say I have to go online to see them. But I keep clicking on the button to see them and it doesn't go there."

"Hmm . . . lemme see."

"Let me see," Dad corrects

Jake sighs, "Well, however it's said, I can't help you until you move over and I can run the computer."

Dad moves aside and Jake rolls over another chair and takes a look. He clicks on the mouse while holding a key down on the keyboard, saying, "The browser was blocking popups and the statement comes up as a popup."

Jake clicks a couple of more times, "There, I changed the setting. It shouldn't do it again on the bank site, but if it does, just hold down the control key when you click on the link."

"Ach, this stuff. I don't know why they have to make it so complicated. Why can't they just send statements through the mail still? They say by getting rid of paper statements they're saving the environment."

"More like saving money on paper and postage, but it is probably good for the environment as well," Jake says, moving over so Dad can run the computer again.

Dad taps the computer, "Save the environment. Save my arse. There's probably more toxic chemicals used in these things that'll end up killing more trees than all the paper statements in the world. At least with paper, you can always plant more trees. Once the ground's toxic, nothing grows there. That's like that Live Earth concert you made me watch one year. It was supposed to be about stopping global warming, but it was on NBC, owned by General Electric, and turned out to be more like an hours-long commercial for the new mercury-ridden light bulbs they were introducing."

"You mean like that one," Jake says, pointing at the lamp above the computer.

"Well, those bulbs do save a lot of energy, and a lot of money on utility bills. And I need all the money I can get since with the cost of living anymore," Dad says, looking at his statement, "Ach, with inflation, it's hardly worth saving money anymore. It's worth less everyday. You either have to invest it right away or buy something of value immediately. There's only one good thing about inflation."

"What's that?"

"If inflation keeps getting out of control, they'll have to raise my salary to keep pace somewhat, and I might get to fulfill my lifelong dream of becoming a millionaire," Dad says, shutting down the computer to save energy and money and the environment.

"But you'd still be poor since the million dollars wouldn't buy much if inflation were out of control."

"A millionaire is a millionaire."

"Well, by that standard, I'm a millionaire because I own a Monopoly game with a million dollars of Monopoly money in it."

"Ah," Dad says, "But you can't buy a light bulb with your million, and I can. That's why I tell you to invest your money instead of wasting it on wrestling stuff."

"But some of the wrestling stuff grows more in value as it gets older and rarer, getting collectible eventually, and in any case a Waffle Warrior action figure is cooler than a bunch of pieces of paper or dots on a screen that get worth less every year."

"But I've never broken a compact fluorescent lamp and had to clean up mercury spillage playing with my money and stocks."

"Dad, that happened years ago. It was an accident. I was trying to use it as a spotlight above the ring the action figures were in."

"Well, however it happened, it was still a pain in the arse to clean up. Oh, well, we've been lucky since then and no more have broken. So thanks for your help with the online statements. I think I can handle this from now on."

"I don't even know why they still have monthly statements when you can check your accounts online anytime you want."

"You can?"

"Yeah."

Jake's dad turns the computer back on, "Let's see if they paid any interest since we were last on."

"That I think they still do only once a month, Dad."

"Those cheap bastards!"

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.