With WCYA-AM On The Dial, You'll Soon Be Wearing A Smile (3 February 2012)

Skip, the general manager of radio station WCYA-AM, falls asleep while interviewing Jake for an overnight announcer and disc jockey position. Skip snores and drools, his head thrown back on his chair and feet up on his desk. Jake coughs on purpose. Skip turns his head and snores louder. In the background plays what the station is broadcasting, which currently seems to be a polka version of a Beatles song. Jake waits, unsure of what to do, but sure this is the worst job interview ever. There's a knock at the door, and Marcela, the disc jockey currently on air, walks in the office, "Skip, I need you to sign these . . . Damn it, Skip, wake up!"

She slaps Skip's feet off the desk with the papers she's holding, and he tumbles out of the chair behind the desk. She turns to Jake, and says with a weak smile, "I apologize. He is usually not like this."

Skip's hands grip his desk from below and he pulls himself to his feet. He brushes his black, curly, long hair out of his face, and fixes his glasses, saying, "Sorry everybody. I've been up since yesterday. I've been filling in on the overnight position until we find somebody."

Skip signs Marcela's papers and she leaves. Seconds later, Jake can hear her reading the news on air, "There was a stabbing at the Lackwood Towers apartment complex last night . . ."

Skip listens, and says, "Huh? Lackwood Towers just bought some advertising with us. Anyway, our slogan is 'Real music, real people' so we always have a live disc jockey on air. No computer programming. All local too. What was the board like at your college station?"

"It was nice," Jake says, "Everything was computerized so we could tape shows in advance and then program when to run it."

"Must be nice," Skip says, "You won't find anything like that here. We're state of the art if the art is by Leonardo Da Vinci. We use carts for just about everything. You know what a cart is, right?"

Jake semi-nods.

"You have no idea what a cart is, do you?"

Jake semi-nods.

"No, why would you? Because we're probably THE ONLY FRICKING RADIO STATION IN THE WORLD TO STILL USE THEM BECAUSE OUR OWNER IS TOO CHEAP TO BRING THIS STATION INTO THE 21ST CENTURY!" Skip says, sweeping everything off his desk onto the floor.

Marcela sticks her head back in the office, "I'm on the air! I had to cut to a commercial because it suddenly sounded like I was reporting from the scene of an avalanche. Can you please keep it down?"

She looks at Jake, "He was talking about carts, wasn't he?"

Jake semi-nods.

"Sorry," Skip says, picking things up from the floor, "Sorry."

Skip's voice on the commercial playing on air intones, "Lackwood Towers. A great view for a great you. And it's safe and secure in a great neighborhood . . ."

"That's my cue," Marcela says as she disappears, and almost instantly Jake can hear her going on to the next news story, "Police still don't have any leads in yesterday's shooting incident at Lackwood Towers . . ."

"A cart is like an 8-track," Skip says, "You know what an 8-track is, right?"

Jake semi-nods.

"You have no idea what an 8-track is, do you?"

Jake semi-nods.

"OK, an 8-track is a tape, like a videotape, but it only has audio. You put it in the player, hit play, and it plays and then cues itself back up again. Everything here is based off carts. If you can handle programming the computer, then I'm sure you can handle our stone age operation. How are you with working nights?"

"I'll work anytime," Jake says.

"Great, because I'm supposed to do the shift after Marcela, but I'm going home to take a nap, so you're going to do it and she'll train you, and then you can come back and do the overnight shift tonight. Any questions?"

"Does this mean I'm hired?"

"You are hired. I am tired. And if Marcela doesn't stop laughing on air, she is fired. Marcela!"

An easy listening version of a death metal classic comes over the speakers, and Marcela appears, teary-eyed and giggling, "I know, I know. I just had in a row a stabbing, a shooting, and a fire at Lackwood Towers in the news and then we played another one of their commercials and when I came back on air I couldn't breathe, I was laughing so hard. I will do the weather as soon as this song is over."

"Great, you can start training Jake then too. I think he'll do for the overnight position. I can't take another sleepless night while working days too. Did I tell you that in addition to being the GM, I'm the operations manger, program director, and janitor?"

"Welcome aboard Jake," Marcela says, shaking Jake's hand, "I'm the traffic manager, music director, production director, and receptionist."

"Thank you, I look forward to working with you both."

"Oh, after today, you'll never see us again, you're on the night shift," Skip says, standing up.

"The night time is the right time," Marcela sings, "To get mugged at Lackwood Towers. You should have used that as the commercial's jingle Skip!"

"Marcela, please don't make fun of our advertisers," Skip says, "Besides you can get mugged there in the daytime too."

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.