In the morning, coming into the house from his overnight dj shift, Jake finds his dad in the kitchen getting ready for work. "Oh, you had to work last night," Dad says, "You didn't get Presidents Day off, huh?"
Jake, half-asleep, puts his travel coffee mug ("The Java Jolter Says This Will Volt Ya!") in the sink, and says, "No, I don't think WCYA observes any holidays."
"Huh. You should be a schoolteacher, or a banker, or a postal worker. They all get today off. I could see giving George Washington a day off for his birthday while he was alive but he's dead now so I don't see why half of today's society has to take the day off. And most of them are government employees so you and I and the rest of the taxpayers are paying for them to have a nice snuggly day to sleep in during February while we have to go out and work," Dad says, between munching down toast.
"Yeah, I could see giving the president the day off, but I don't know why everybody else gets the day off. I wouldn't mind having today off though. I'm always in favor of more holidays."
"Ach, there's enough holidays as is. And the president takes like half the year off for vacation anyway. I'd like to have that work schedule. No, this country still wants a king, that's why they have Presidents Day. They want us to respect our betters, even though this is supposed to be a democracy and we're all equal. Bankers, teachers, government workers, those people barely work at their jobs anyway, they don't need a day off. None of them would last a day in the factory. And if Presidents Day weren't bad enough, they also have a federal holiday for a national day of mourning when a president dies. Like the entire country is going to attend the funeral and we need the day off to go. This one year when Gerald Ford died, I had to mail something for your mother that day and I went all the way to the post office and they were closed, just because some mediocre president died! What a waste of time! They won't hold a holiday when we die, but when some rich idiot dies, we're supposed to care because he was president once. Like that job's so hard! Why you or I could do a better job than any of those bozos! But that'd be a democracy, and those big boys always want to turn this country into a monarchy."
"Well, maybe you should run for president."
"Ha! I was born in Ireland so I can't. Otherwise I would, and the first thing I'd do is get Congress to get rid of Presidents Day."
"Or maybe everybody could get the day off."
"No, we should have Peasants Day instead, and if you make under a certain amount a year, then you get the day off."
"What if you're unemployed?"
"If you're unemployed, then you get to work for a day at somebody's job who gets the day off for Peasants Day."
"That's actually not a bad idea, Dad."
"What's that?" Mom says, coming into the kitchen on her way to work.
"We think Presidents Day should be Peasants Day," Jake says.
"Oh, Peasants Day. I hear about that every year on Presidents Day," Mom says, getting her lunch together.
"I've never heard about it before," Jake says.
"That's because you were away when he came up with it a few years back," Mom says, "Is he still complaining about the time he went to the post office and it was closed because Gerald Ford died too?"
"Um, yeah," Jake says.
"Hey! Next time a president dies, you can take your own package to the post office, and see how you like it when it's closed after you walked all that way in the cold," Dad says.
"No one told you to walk," Mom says.
"I didn't have to spend any money for gas and it's good for my health," Dad says.
"I'm going to bed," Jake says, going upstairs.
From downstairs, he hears his Dad say, "And why do they put the presidents on money? Why not a nice picture of a bird or something instead?"
"There's the eagle on the seal."
"Ach, what eagle flies around with a banner in its beak, and arrows and leaves in its claws?"
"The one on the money."
"I bet that eagle gets the day off for Presidents Day, but do we? No, of course not. I should have gotten a job as an eagle working for the government . . ."
Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.
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