Blog Love Omega Glee: The Panty Sniffer Vs. The Amazing Announcer (11 February 2012)

Jake catches a little wrestling on television before work. The rest of the show he'll record and watch tomorrow. Tonight, The Panty Sniffer wrestles The Amazing Announcer. Through a headset microphone, The Announcer calls the play by play and color commentary for his own matches as he wrestles. The regular announcers sometimes chime in, but for the most part The Announcer calls the entire match unless he gets knocked unconscious. He's a bit arrogant so the fans tend to boo him. Perhaps even more amazing than the Amazing Announcer is that The Panty Sniffer is a face, a crowd favorite, despite, or perhaps because of, his fetish for sniffing underwear. The Panty Sniffer's shtick also includes wearing pantyhose over his head and face. He typically leaves the leg portions dangling near his ears so he looks a bit like a six-foot-tall diseased bankrobbing rabbit. The Announcer is dressed more dapperly in a tuxedo. The Announcer says, "Here I come to the ring, and the fans amply demonstrate their appreciation of me."

Jake can hear the fans booing on the television. The Announcer approaches ringside, and says, "I have to wrestle that degenerate The Panty Sniffer tonight, and I have a special surprise for him. This should be a good tuneup match for me but it shouldn't last more than two minutes if all goes as planned."

The Panty Sniffer's entrance theme plays over the arena's speakers. It sounds basically like the music one would hear while watching a 1980s pornographic movie when the action was about to get heavy. Suggestive synthesized sounds seethe sex. Over the beat and synths come the sounds of someone breathing heavily like during an obscene phone call. The Announcer calls, "Here comes The Sultan of Sniff. Let's see if I can break his nose. And he enters the squared circle where I will beat him from pillar to post. The bell rings and the match begins. We circle each other warily. A brief test of strength ensues as we tie up. I push the Sniffmeister in the corner and the ref breaks us up. I slap The Sniffer to wake him up, as he appears to be sleepwalking through this match so far. I, on the other hand, have looked magnificent. Enraged, Sniffles charges but I flawlessly execute a drop toe hold and bring him to the mat. I move away from him as he slowly gets up. I pull out a pair of my wife's panties from the pocket where, as my many fans would know, I usually keep my silk handkerchief, and dangle the panties in front of Sniffy. He stares at the panties, as if sensing a trick. I say, 'Unlaundered as you like them,' and casually toss the panties away from me. Sniff looks at me, then the panties. At me, then the panties. He starts to pant for the panties. He approaches the panties slowly. He picks the panties up. The crowd chants at him to resist, but of course Sniff Sniff can't help himself and buries his nose in the panties, taking a nice whiff of the chloroform I dosed the panties with earlier. The Sniffhead falls over and I saunter over to his prone form. He didn't have the courtesy to fall on his back so I roll him over, call the ref to my side, put one foot on his chest, and stand flexing both arms in a posedown for the crowd as I win the match. But wait! What's this? The audience is throwing panties into the ring. One lands on my head. I jump off P.S., and tear the panties from my head in disgust. What sort of vile creature would bring panties to a wrestling match?! One of the panties from the crowd lands on The Sniffomatic. He wakes up, picks it up, and sticks his nose into it. Oh, no, he's going to power up with Panty Power! Sniffy Sniff shakes his face back and forth in the panties, which I should note are large and gray like something perhaps a large grandmother would wear. Is that a stain I see? Noseboy tosses the panties aside and makes some sort of animalistic scream while facing the crowd. Then he turns to me and points. The crowd is on their feet, as The Sniffster charges me. He hits me with a right, then a left, then another right, or was that a left?"


At this point, The Announcer's microphone cuts out with a squawk. The Panty Sniffer sets The Announcer up for The Sniffer's finishing move, the Dirty Laundry Wringer, and he sweeps The Announcer's legs out from under him while simultaneously clotheslining him across the throat. The Sniffer sits on top of The Announcer for the pin while sniffing another pair of panties, these ones pink and frilly. The crowd cheers, then the regular announcers plug official Panty Sniffer panties which can be bought online or at the merchandise table in the arena.

Jake thinks he'll stick with boxer-briefs.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.