Blog Love Omega Glee: Convention On The Prohibition Of Military Or Any Other Hostile Use Of Environmental Modification Techniques (7 February 2012)

Given the bizarre weather that disrupted a number of Super Tuesday presidential primary elections today, Francine takes a closer look at government weather control. She reads the text of the 1977 United Nations Convention On The Prohibition Of Military Or Any Other Hostile Use Of Environmental Modification Techniques, and imagines that if 51 countries signed a weather control treaty then, how the technology has probably evolved in the 35 years since. In a search engine, she enters "Soviet weather control treaty" and finds a few news articles about recent Russia and U.S. wrangling over arms control and a few conspiracy theory sites that argue that the Illuminati will a) use weather control technology to exterminate most of the human race, b) use it to cause global warming and other environmental disasters to scare the rest of the population into accepting global government, c) use it as prophesied in Revelations to provide the Antichrist with signs and wonders, d) foil all the predictions of television meteorologists in an attempt to undermine trust in authority, or e) all of the above.

One website Francine finds doesn't have anything to do with weather control though. It is a blog about professional wrestling called Two Out Of Three Falls and the post has to do with an old cold war era wrestler named The Yankee Thumper who died recently. In the post, the writer, somebody named Jake, eulogizes The Thumper and his legendary wrestling career. He recalls classic matches the Thumper had such as the one in 1965 with his "Soviet" archenemy Comrade Crushnik where he made the Comrade submit by forcefeeding him a paperback copy of You Can Trust The Communists (To Be Communists) by Dr. Fred Schwarz. Also noted is the match held outdoors when the "weather" didn't cooperate and it rained, forcing The Thumper and his opponent, Baron Bloodshed, to roll in the mud when they tumbled outside of the ring. The Thumper emerged victorious when back in the ring the Baron, still blinded from the mud, wandered into a massive Yankee Thump. Another classic moment eulogized is when The Thumper briefly became bad, a victim of communist brainwashing by Dong Du Dong and Infidel Castro, and began trying to convince the crowd to write their congressional representatives to settle the Vietnam War peacefully. The Thumper even offered his services to make love, not war, with the Viet Cong (the female guerrillas only, even as a pinko The Thumper was still a red-blooded American manly man). Fortunately, the brainwashers lost "control" of The Thumper when they tried to convince him to burn an American flag as part of a peace demonstration. The Thumper snapped and strangled Dong with the flag, and broke the flagpole over Castro's head. Jake lastly notes that once the cold war was over, The Thumper made a peace "treaty" with his old enemy Comrade Crushnik (renamed Crony Crushnik as his character evolved to be a sort of goodhearted Russian mob godfather of corrupt capitalism) and the pair captured the world tag team championship as senior citizens. Since retiring from wrestling, The Thumper enjoyed gardening and spending time with his grandchildren (perhaps even thumping them on occasion for old time's sake).

Francine clicks through to the main page of the blog and finds that Jake lives in Lackwood. Another Cleaveland area blogger! She wonders what he looks like. Maybe like a wrestler? In his most recent post from early this morning, he writes about thinking the presidential primaries should be settled by a battle royal wrestling match in which the candidates have to get tossed over the top rope of the ring and onto the floor to be eliminated. The last one in the ring wins. Jake states that this way the country would be spared nine more months of campaigning, and notes "If a wrestling feud lasted as long as a presidential campaign, then by the time of the final match no one would care who won."

Francine thinks, "I'll have to add this blog to my favorites!"

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.