Blog Love Omega Glee: Blatant Product Placement (23 February 2012)

The store is called Stuff U Want, but it's filled with stuff somebody at some point didn't want. A closeout discount liquidation store, Stuff U Want stocks itself with: a) things somebody ordered too many of, b) things that didn't sell, C) things that didn't sell in time before the owner needed money, d) things that were taking up too much space in a warehouse, e) things that are slightly flawed, or f) all of the above plus more castoffs and casualties of capitalism. If you picked f, then give yourself an extra 10% off our already crazy low prices! Walking around in the store reminds Francine of nothing so much than a hospital or orphanage for stuff. Sick, unwanted, or both, the things seem to beg for some consumer mercy, to be bought, to be taken home, to be loved, to be used. Stuff U Want's selling point is price. They've bought the stuff for pennies on the dollar so they can sell it cheap cheap cheap. Though there's a small minority of stuff that literally no one wants and will end up getting recycled (if possible) or crushed in the trash compactor (more likely) because even Stuff U Want eventually loses patience for things once they stick around on the shelves for years like the 1997 Cleaveland Caucasians Baseball Team Calendar that some enterprising Stuff U Want sales associate noted on a sign is perfectly accurate for--2003 now crossed out--2014 (don't expect it to make it to 2025; in fact, don't expect Stuff U Want to make it to 2025 as the world of bargain retail is brutal), it's amazing how most of the stuff, even the crap one would think that no one in her or his right mind would want, will sell if it's priced low enough. People love to scavenge at the clearance rack, and this entire store is a clearance rack. Their business is picking up the remains of somebody else's going out of business.

Francine wanders into the book section, steering between the twin mountains of videotapes (containing a Jesse "The Body" Ventura: The Mouth, The Myth, The Legend videotape from 1998 that Jake would probably buy if he saw it) and DVDs (Francine would buy Hijacking Catastrophe: 9/11, Fear & The Selling Of American Empire if she had the patience to dig through all the copies of Beowulf and other Hollywood movies to get to it), where she finds a number of books about 2012 already in the remainder bins. She thumbs through 2012: Kiss Your Ass Goodbye, 2012: What The Mayans Knew And You Don't Unless You Pay $29.99 For This Book To Find Out, Resolution 2012: How To Lose A Pound A Day So You'll Look Great When The World Ends, The Latest Year To Pin New Age Bullshit On: 2012, and 2012: The Return Of Chicken Little, before she gets restless and moves on. She finds about fifty-nine copies of some book called The Pornographic Flabbergasted Emus in a pile in a corner. She picks up one, blows the dust off it, and finds that it has nothing really to do with emus, pornography, or being flabbergasted. It looks interesting though, so maybe she'll get it.

Francine wanders into the food section. She needs some cereal. She picks up a box of Apple Crack cereal ("so good it's addictive") but knows to always check the dates of any food products in Stuff U Want very carefully. This box is stamped 15 October 2011. In a rare sighting of a Stuff U Want employee, a young woman with a red vest and big buttons on it (one of the buttons reads "You Can't Find Lower Prices Except Off The Back Of A Stolen Truck") passes by, and Francine says, "Excuse me, but this box of cereal is expired."

The woman stops, takes the box, blows a bubble of chewing gum, pops the bubble, looks at the box, and then hands it back to Francine, "This is OK, Sweetie. Those dates are kind of random, like ballpark figures. It's what? February? It might be a little stale, but it's edible, and at that price you can't beat it. I buy almost all my groceries here. You should see our grocery bill, especially with my employee discount. It's real low. In fact, I just fed my kids a box of this Apple Crack this morning and they were fine. Well, Jimmy was a little constipated last week, and come to think of it my husband's colon blew out recently," she pauses, "But, anyway, they love this stuff.. Especially, at this price. I stocked up for months."

The woman moves on. Francine looks at the box of Apple Crack, looks at the date again, and puts it back on the shelf.

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.