Blog Love Omega Glee: Just My Two Cents (Unless Your Greedy CEO Wants Them Too) (31 January 2012)

At the dining room table, Jake's dad has his reading glasses on, and looks at some papers he has printed out from the computer. Jake, passing by on his way to the kitchen for a glass of water, gets hailed down like a passing cab, "Jake, come over here please. How much would you like to make at your job?"

Jake approaches the table cautiously, sensing a rhetorical trap, "Uh, I don't have a job yet, Dad. I'm trying though. I have a good lead on a job at a radio station job. Mom told me to try using my skills from when I hosted the wrestling show on college radio."

"Yes, yes, yes. That's fine," Dad says, pulling out a chair for Jake, and sliding one of the papers forward, "How'd you like to make 13 million dollars a year?"

"Yowza!"

Dad's finger points upward sharply, "That's how much this CEO of an investment company made last year. What did he do for it? I don't know. He probably doesn't know. He picked some stocks I suppose. Maybe he hired somebody or came up with a new business strategy. But does it take that much money to pay someone to do any of that? Does it take $13 million to find someone to pick stocks? My retirement account gurgled like a fart in a swimming pool basically this year, and for that unimpressive performance this sack of shit gets to be a millionaire."

"Uh, that seems kind of greedy, Dad, yeah."

"It's yes, not yeah, but wait it gets better. These people on the board of trustees that hire the CEO get paid in the hundreds of thousands, and they don't even work full time. They all sit on other boards and have other fancy jobs. Hundreds of thousands Jake! Not bad for a part time job, eh? If you attend a meeting you get two grand. Now sure some of them probably have to fly in for the meeting and the money reimburses that but how'd you like to get paid a couple grand just to show up and do your job? You'd think these people never heard of phone or video conferencing, or even the Internet."

"So the board hires the CEO, but who sets the board compensation?"

"The board and the top executives! And, maybe the CEO is on another board and he--Herbert Gouge is his name--and Herbie hooks the members of the first board up there too, or hires one of their relatives. You scratch my back, and I'll scratch yours, and together we'll skim off the top of all these suckers' retirement funds."

"So why don't you put your funds to be administered by another company or do it yourself?"

"I would, but it's not my choice. The place I work at picked these bozos. I'm certainly smart enough not to contribute any money to them, but my employer does on my behalf. It probably doesn't much matter if they picked another company though. All of these investment companies have outrageous salaries and bonuses. I know rent in New York is expensive but at some point it just becomes greed. What does anybody do that's worth $13 million a year?"

"Some athletes and entertainers get paid even more than that."

"Oh, I can put a ball through a hoop, or sing a little song, aren't I special? Jake, we should round up some angry retirees on a fixed income, light some torches, and have the mob descend on Herbie's house."

"Uh, maybe tomorrow, Dad. Wrestling's on tonight. Bob Bluecollar is finally getting his boss William Whitecollar in a grudge match tonight."

"Well, at least there's one place in this country the poor get to kick the arse of the rich, even if it's all fake."

"It's no more fake than a movie, Dad. It's a show. Would you say Death Of A Salesman is fake?"

"How much do those wrestlers get paid anyway? Do they get paid a bonus when someone hits them on the head with a metal folding chair because Herbie got a $5 million dollar bonus last year and he didn't even get hit on the head with a metal folding chair?"

"I don't know, Dad."

"I can think of some people I'd like to hit on the head with a metal folding chair."

"I bet, Dad."

"Never bet, those casinos are all rigged. Although the gangsters that run them could learn a trick or two from the executives at my investment company. Management expense and fee deductions, ha! And another thing . . . "

Jake gets up, puts his coat and shoes on, and leaves the house. His father doesn't seem to notice and continues ranting for several minutes until finally he notices Jake is gone. He sits at the table silently for a few moments, then Jake's mom walks by, and he says, "Sue, come over here please. How much would you like to make at your job?"

Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.