After spending all day home applying for jobs online, Jake changes his setting from a house to a coffeehouse, specifically Caffeine Eden, which is just around the corner from his parents. Run by a married couple, Adam and Steve, who are happy all day long, seemingly wired on one of the many liquid stimulants they serve, Caffeine Eden has long been a sanctuary for all the freethinkers, bohemians, and grumblebunnies in Lackwood to gather when they feel the need to get away from home. Three dollars rents Jake a seat for the evening as he milks his coffee for all it's worth, and for what it's worth he has no milk in his coffee, drinking it black just as his favorite coffee-themed wrestler, The Java Jolter, would do. In fact, Jake has just opened up the book he brought, the biography of The Jolter (real name Bob Bean), when the conversation of two old men at the next table draws him in to eavesdrop.
The first old man, who has hair coming out of his ears, says, "Do you ever go to Food Wigwam?"
The second old man, who has hair coming out of his nose, says, "No, I hate that supermarket. I burned my frequent shopper card from there."
"You burned your frequent shopper card?"
"Yeah."
"How come?"
"They stuck a little radio frequency identification microchip in it so they were tracking me throughout the store. It's none of their business that I like to spend an hour or so 'browsing' the magazine section."
"Wait? They were tracking you through the store. How do you know they were doing that?"
"Because the products would talk to me. I'd be near a display and it'd say 'Good afternoon, Mr. Sweetkiss, would you like to buy some cereal to go with that milk in your cart?' It freaked me out the first time I heard it. I thought I was having an acid flashback to the trip where I sat around discussing the Vietnam War all day with a loaf of bread. For the record, the bread thought the war was a bad idea too," he pauses and takes a drink of coffee, "That never happened to you?"
"I never took acid."
"No, I mean the Food Wigwam products talking to you?"
"Well, I don't go in there that often so I don't have one of their cards. I usually go to Mart Mart."
"Mart Mart! Don't get me started on them. I'll go on all night. Anyway, I could have sworn that the prices would change too. You know those electronic price displays they have under each product now?"
"Yeah?"
"Well, they would change when different people came near, like some people paid a lower or higher price for each item."
"That's unAmerican!"
"I know it! It's in the Constitution that the customer is always right! Plus, I started getting worried. I figured if Food Wigwam was keeping track of everything I bought, everything I picked up, and everything I even glanced at, how did I know, their privacy policy notwithstanding, that they weren't going to share that information with others, say my wife, or worse the government, and the government was going to tell me that I couldn't eat cheese anymore because I had to keep my cholesterol levels low so they could save on my healthcare costs. And then the next time I'd go to Food Wigwam to buy cheese they wouldn't let me buy it. They'd probably say it was for national security if I asked any questions. I just don't understand why anybody else but me needs to know that I like to drink clam juice for example."
"You like to drink clam juice?"
"Yeah, don't you?"
"No, that's disgusting."
"This from the guy who loves to spread yeast extract on toast? To each his own. Anyway, I was tired of being tracked so I went in front of Food Wigwam one day and I burned my frequent shopper card as a protest. The manager yelled at me because the plastic in the card stank when I burned it, and I was scaring the other customers, but he knew I was right because he told me the corporate headquarters forced him to use the cards and he didn't like them himself. After he stamped out the flames from the remains of my card, he gave me some free coupons and hoped I'd remain a loyal customer. I told him that if we don't stop them with the cards, next they'll be wanting us to get a microchip implant in our hand just to save fifty cents on a can of beans, and he told me that was a good idea."
"Putting beans on sale or the microchip implant?"
"I don't know. I didn't ask."
"Or instead of an implant, they might make us get a tattoo or something, and we'll need it to buy or sell anything in the first place like it says in The Bible about the number of the beast."
"Speaking of the number of the beast. I think it's number two. You should have seen the one I had the other day. I swear it had fangs on it."
"Larry, I don't want to hear about your bowel movements."
"Apples, Tom, I swear by them! They'll make you regular!"
"I already am a frequent shopper where that's concerned."
As the old men continue to discuss defecation and national security, Jake moves to another table where it's quieter. As he drinks his coffee, he wonders what Food Wigwam knows about him.
Blog Love Omega Glee is a novel by Wred Fright about two bloggers who fall in love while the world falls apart, which is being serialized on his blog. To start reading from the beginning or read another installment, please visit Blog Love Omega Glee Central on WredFright.Com. If you like what you've read, or you've read all of Blog Love Omega Glee and want more Fright, then please read his first novel, which is available in print and as an ebook.
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