Bad Catholic

Bad Catholic

by Wred Fright

I never go to church

I never send money

I like my priests drunk

This disturbs my mother

She asks if I still pray

I tell her not yet today

But then she should talk, my mother

She never goes to church

Though she does send money

I’d use that money to get drunk

Instead she starts to pray

I wonder if she did that today?

Still I’d never leave the church

Even if they excommunicated me today

That might distress my mother

But I never go anyway--I just stay at home and get drunk!

Besides, they’d never do that--they still hope to get my money!

Ha! Hard they better pray!

Say, it’s a beautiful day today

I’ve never understood why God has to stay inside a church

And Jesus too--water to wine--they should let him out to get us drunk

I think it’s mostly a scam to get money

“Blasphemy!” says my mother

Then for me she’ll pray

Oh, how the woman loves to pray!

Almost as much as I love to get drunk!

But one gets sober when one runs out of money

I wonder if she ever runs out of prayers, my mother

Ask the pope for a refill today

He’ll zap some right out to the local church!

I’ve read that the Vatican bank launders money

I’ve been there before and I wasn’t drunk

Now that’s what I’d call a church!

She would love it, my mother

There’s a place to pray!

I wish I was there today!

I’d get drunk on the communion wine and maybe even give them some money

Today maybe I’ll visit my mother

She can pray for me and for her just this once I’ll go to church